[SupaModel]

I've noticed lately when I am out and I see transracial adoptive families I REALLY wanna go up and say I adopted too!! I'm just like you!! Of course I would NEVER say that but I wish I could tell them and say how amazing it is to have a family through adoption. I only said transracial b/c those are the ones I can tell. It's funny b/c DS is AA but bgrandmother is CC. Because of that when he's with us he looks like our bio-child and no ones knows so we never get to talk about it with other adoptive families.

What do you think? Would anyone get offened if someone can up and said "how great that you adopted! I did too."

I have told people (strangers) before that I adopted and once a lady said she did too. It was really nice to talk with her about it.

I don't know I've just seen several families lately at the grocery store, CVS, bank etc... I just smile to myself.

[trixila]

If I am out with my kids, and see another parent at the park who 'may fit the profile', after a while, I try to nicely engage them in conversation, keeping it light. If they are friendly, I make my approach about my family. I would only ask 'are you an adoptive family LIKE ME?" Giving a stranger an opening like that is very low key and lets them decide if they wish to pick up the ball. I would never ask someone if they adopted their children, it's too blunt. For every mother at the park I approach, there is one who I don't ask. But it sure is great to meet someone who shares our experiences. I've been doing this for several years and only had one bad experience. A mother I met at a neighborhood festival was having a rough day and resented any inference about her family. My son made one of his best friends due to my approach. It's not every day I meet another mother parenting a child with adhd the same age as my son. The connection we made that day paid off because I took a risk.

[sambob]

If there's one thing I've learned in the whole adoption process, it's not to assume anything. Even though you could be right, I probably wouldn't start off a conversation with a stranger by assuming their child is adopted.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by sambob

If there's one thing I've learned in the whole adoption process, it's not to assume anything. Even though you could be right, I probably wouldn't start off a conversation with a stranger by assuming their child is adopted.

You're so right. I have a AA gf with a bio-BR DD who could pass for CC. I know she would be upset if a stranger asked if she adopted.

[OakShannon]

I get the same feeling when I see a mom with kids who look like they may be transracially adopted. I always want to say something! Sometimes I just look over and smile and I can tell by the way she makes eye contact that she's thinking the same thing, KWIM? There's a connection. And then I approach and start a conversation. I think trixila's approach is nice too, since it's not so obvious that you adopted. It feels good to see other families created by adoption. Always gives my day a little lift.

[loveajax]

I stalked this white woman at the park with a black son...it did seem ''likely'' to be an adoption situation. I could not bring myself to ask her however!!! we just kinda chatted about the kids...

[finallyamom0310]

I think the connection with other familes that are formed by adoption is a desire we all have. That is the reason I have become so addicted to A.com and just love the friends I have made here.

I too wish I could find another local family that is an adoptive family. I don't hide that DD was adopted and actually have to stop my self some times as we are getting so many comments these days as to how much she looks like her daddy. I am still so new at this that I always mention yeah, it is uncanny since we adopted her.

Maybe there should be a code word set up for all adoptive families to use if they are an adoptive family that wants to talk. Then we could get the conversations started easier without feeling we were treading on thin ice.

[DancinBear63]

As well intended as your thoughts are, it's hard to know how someone will view being approached for appearing 'different'.

Supa, like you and your hubby, DH and I are an interracial couple, but we're in an area where there aren't tons of IR couples. On several occasions we've been followed or observed, only to find out that the 'stalker' (or their neighbor/friend/relative) is also in an IR relationship, and only wanted to say hi or share support. Usually it's okay, sometimes it's a little bit freaky....

I suppose if you have your baby with you, it might be a little easier to introduce yourself. After all, this is how great friendships start!

[Fran27]

I went to pick up some toys from someone through freecycle, and she opened the door with her little girl, the mom was CC and the little girl AA... she was really really cute too... I wanted to say something but didn't dare, I didn't see the dad after all...

[meghann]

Originally Posted by SupaModel

I only said transracial b/c those are the ones I can tell.

I absolutely "get" your desire to share your joy with the world! But I noticed this in your post & wanted to give you a word of warning: You can't always "tell."

We have friends who are both CC & have one daughter who is biracial (CC/AA) and three other kids (two girls and a boy) who are CC. Many people assume their older daughter was adopted, but she wasn't. She's the wife's biological daughter from a previous relationship, and she looks a lot like her biological father.

[minibus]

I find that if I say something about our children being adopted, it opens up the door for others to say "My son/daughter is adopted too.", but ONLY if they want to. Otherwise, they don't have to answer a question they might not want to answer.

[Gs_Mom]

You really can't tell by looking at someone.

Our 2 boys are both 1/2 hispanic. The oldest doesn't look hispanic. The youngest has olive skin. He looks asian a bit in the eyes I guess. I think mostly because he is still so young.

Anyway ...

I was picking them up from daycare and another mother commented "oh their father must be asian." I said no. She then asked if they were adopted and I said yes. But, neither of them are asian. I think she was a bit stumped. But, I left it at that as I was on my way out and she was on her way in.

She apparently assumed we adopted the little one internationally.

I wasn't offended at all.

[chrisandaaron]

I have it easy. My kids are CC, AA/BR, and AA and my boys are only 3 months apart in age. I just ask how old their kids are. Then they usually ask how old mine are. Then I have to explain that my boys are 3 months apart because we adopted. Then I leave it up to them to tell me if they are an adoptive family too. SNEAKY-I know

[akcskye]

I know how it is, wanting to talk adoption to "real live people" and not just faces on a screen.

In this day and age, however, even though adoption is a lot more openly talked about than in the "old days"...I personally snub off any word of adoption unless someone else brings it up...because how do I know, if the child IS adopted, that THEY know they are?

[marythemom]

Oh I know this feeling! I usually ask questions about how old their child(ren) are, and then mention my kids ages. If the parent is willing to talk I usually mention that we just finalized on my teenagers this year. We have some support groups in our area, but they don't meet very often. I finally started a blog, just so I'd have someone to talk to (I like to pretend it's more than just one or two people reading it!).