[Mommy24]

It was suggested that we have a list of offensive terms posted here on the site, so we would like your input!

Please list what terms you find offensive, once we have your input, we'll review and see if we can make it available!

[Beth.]

Maybe you could do it as a list of terms to avoid and then provide more PC alternatives. Example --

Avoid .... Give up (child)
Better alternative .... Place or make an adoption plan

Avoid .... Our birth mom
Better alternative .... Our child's birth mom

Avoid .... Real Mom or Real Dad
Better alternative ... First/Birth/Bio Mom or Dad

Of course, you can format it better than I just did!

We have to remember that most new kids on the block here have only talked adoption IRL with a few adoption agencies. We all know that most adoption agencies are guilty of bad adoption language ... "Dear Birthmother" letters are the most obvious example. Let's try to educate in a kind, proactive way. The majority of the people here are sincerely trying to get it right; maybe this will help.

[mdesi]

Honestly, I don't like the terms "first mom/dad/parents" It implies a ranking and sorting in our society, which means that parents who adopt are in second position. It really does not give either set of parents equal status.

Okay, now crucify me. . .

[crick]

I should note that the purpose of these threads (we have one for each triad) isn't to encite debates but rather just allow for people to say "hey, think about this".

So if there is something that does NOT offend you or you disagree with someone else's term that offends them, it's not up for debate. We can't debate what offends someone else, they are entitled to their feelings on the matter.

Please keep this in mind when posting...thanks!

[finallyamom0310]

Maybe putting out there a reminder that its an EMom/Dad/Parent until TPR. Till then they may still parent.

[ocracoke]

"natural" mom or dad is the one that really gets to me.

Samantha

[jjsmom3]

I do not like PAP. It really reads like a test from the ob/gyn.

[KarynB]

I really can't stand "real mom" "real brother" etc

Also really don't like "foreign adoptions" - they are INTERNATIONAL or INTERCOUNTRY- not "foreign".

Don't like "first mom or natural mom" ESPECIALLY "natural mom". Feel like a freak when that one is uttered...


Those are my top three...

[mdesi]

Thanks, Crick! I know the term I find offensive is one that a lot of people like.

[Momto1human-2furry]

I am disturbed by terms like first mom, natural or real mom/parent. I prefer birth or bio mom.
I also hate the term "adopter" . Its like an Adoptive Parent does not even have the right to be called a "parent".
I have heard the term "birther" and find that offensive towards our child's b.mom.

[Stormster]

Adopter = YUCK!

[crick]

I don't find much that really offends me but rather irritates or amuses me.

Adopter used to bother me because I only ever saw it on the anti sites and it is typically used as a derogatory term. However, I also know that a lot of other countries do use this term and it's not a derogatory term in their use of it. I still "ugh" when I see it but it does depend on the usage of it for my "offense meter".

I can't figure out "Adoptee Parent" but that is one I've seen recently on here. I don't care for it at all, but it doesn't offend me.

I think REAL is the one that offends me because no matter how it's said, most of the time it's meant to belittle or degrade me and that is not okay.

[loveajax]

crick, i actually chuckle at "adopter"...I don't know why (I have a warped sense of humor).

i do think language has the power to offend (and thus should be pointed out and corrected), but I do try to put things in "context" (e.g., my husband's friend said, "you are adopting a mulatto baby?" and had no idea (seriously) that mulatto was offensive). I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they mean well. i also think sometimes people use the right "language" but don't have the right "things in their heart," you know? I'd prefer the latter to the former.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

It was suggested that we have a list of offensive terms posted here on the site, so we would like your input!

Please list what terms you find offensive, once we have your input, we'll review and see if we can make it available!

It bugs me when the media continually singles out a child who is adopted by calling the child adopted in EVERY article or story. Like Lionel Ritchie and his adopted daughter, Nicole. Instead of just Lionel Ritchie and his daughter. Same with Tom Cruise "His daughter, Suri, and his adopted daughter Isabel." It's as if the media is saying "Suri is the real daughter. Isabella is the evil step-sister. ".

The kids are daughters. Period. Why continually point out the fact that they are adopted?

[kretzklan]

I've only heard "adopter" used negatively...so it implies negativity toward my side of the triad when I hear it. I dislike using "real" to term any part of this process or anyone involved in it - we're all real...
And, the two I was called on another board that I really despise...child abductor and creator of genocide (apparently me adopting two children internationally means I am trying to kill off the Russian people?). Yuck! Although, thankfully, I know those aren't used in the norm...just to be straight - that's offensive.