[Momtosons]

If you've used a facilitator that charged a fee and completed adoption through them, please respond! I'm not asking for an agency name!!! I'm wondering how it all worked....only 3 states allow paid facilitators....the facilitator I'm using is in one of them but I'm not. How will this work?

I'm ONLY asking people who completed an adoption with a facilitator.

Thank you!!!

[BlessedbySnuggs]

We completed an adoption using a facilitator; we had a wonderful experience. The state we live in does not allow facilitators, but there was no problem. We still finalized here and we had a lawyer in both states just to make sure everything went as smooth as possible. Again, our whole adoption process was about as good as it gets!

Let me know if you have any other questions!

[Gs_Mom]

We used a facilitator for our second adoption (which is not finalized yet).

She bascially made the introduction. I think some of them work differently, but in our case she networks with agencies and passes on the information to people she is working with. I am also under the impression that facilitators often hear about situations that are difficult to match ... otherwise, I assume the agencies would not need to reach out to facilitators.

As you might imagine, this increases the cost of the adoption (one more service provider with their hands out). But, it also increases your exposure ... we did not sign up with a particular agency.

She was helpful in the beginning of the match. In the end though, she pretty much stepped aside and we dealt directly with the agency.

Good luck.

[loveajax]

I am in an agency only state but was working with a facilitator. Essentially all the facilitator does is the kind of "matching" process....you likely will still need an agency and/or lawyer in your own state and the state in which the baby is born. It can get expensive (ultimately we adopted thru our agency, but I did like the facilitator we used v. much). GL!

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Loveajax is right! We are in an agency only state as well; we did have two lawyers (one in each state) and it did get pricey, but still our total costs weren't that bad! Our facilitator was AWESOME!

[kelceesmom]

We used a facilitator too. And I would again. We had 2 lawyers one for each state. Our time line was very short in my opinion.

[devildogwife]

We adopted through a facilitator within a relatively short time. We paid a big chunk of $ upfront. We had an attorney, my son had an attorney (a GAL) and his birth mom did too. We'd be very reluctant to go that route again.

[mommy3]

We worked with a facilitator for our 2nd adoption after waiting for 2 years and experiencing a failed match at the time of the baby's birth. I just needed to do more. She helped us match in a matter of days/weeks and then actually continued to help a great deal. We were also working with an agency and the facil/agency worked together really well, pretty amazing. The facilitator continues to hold "Saturday inservice" sessions to help with adjustment, resumes, school planning, assertiveness, etc., so she definitely does more than "just match" expectant moms. I see our facil much more like a social worker who is independently "doing the right thing". I refer people to her and her partner routinely, not a surprise, huh? Best of luck with your match, susan

[ChromaKelly]

Do you know what state the emom is in, and the rules in that state? We also live in a no-facilitator state, and the emom (now bmom) is also in one, but there is a loophole basically where the facilitator works as a licenced contractor under an agency. So, the agency actually does the adoption, and we filed the adoption in bmom's state, not ours.

PM me if you want, I think we're working with the same people

[trixila]

My family used an out of state facilitator for both of our open adoptions. Highly recommend it. They do much of the nitty gritty work and have experience making placements happen to the benefit of all involved. I strongly felt that the facilitator was very compassionate in their treatment of birthparents. (never saw any strong arming or duress--all told we spent 6 yrs with them) All of this can cost a pretty penny, but it felt great to be in their capable hands (they have a large staff, not just attys). We also had our own attys in each state, as well has a SW in town for the home study.

[sambob]

What are the 3 states that allow facilitators?