[minibus]

What words do you use before finalization for your child/children? I keep saying "they were placed with us on July 12th", rather than "we adopted them on July 12th", because finalization won't be until next year, at the earliest. It sounds funny to me, but it would feel weird to say the latter, since legally and technically, we only have custody now, not guardianship or legal adoption.

Thanks for the feedback!

[HappyHopefulMommy]

We are in the same boat. I usually say, "they joined our family on July 28", or "they were placed with us 7 weeks ago". It is so odd. And I usually will say that I am their fost/adopt mother to people who it is important too (like the Dr's office). I can't wait to finalize!

[c.a]

Our adoption announcement said:

Born: date
In our arms: date
Forever ours: date

When I was still in foster limbo I used to say that he "came to us on . ." or "joined our family on . . ."

Good luck!

[aclee]

We say we adopted. We haven't finalized yet, but it wasn't a foster situation, so we knew finalization was just the paperwork. Parents rights were TPR'd etc. If we lost Tyler at this point, even though we haven't "finalized" we would still be losing a son...so we treat him like a son even if it isn't legal yet...most people don't get the whole "legalization" vs "placed" anyway, so it's one less personal thing I have to explain. On his birth announcements we only put his birthday. He was in our arms so quickly afterwards, it would have been weird to me to have two dates on there only a couple days apart. Plus he was technically "in our arms" when he was placed there by bmom, but he was still in cradle care after that, so what day should we have used? That kind of thing. If people ask we say we adopted in January, when Tyler was a newborn. If they ask specifics about when we/did we finalize, or how old he was, we tell them, but it's a lot to get into details with every person.

[marythemom]

We call it an adoptive placement. We were not their foster parents, but we were not their legal guardians either. We had to deal with schools, IEPs, therapists, residential treatment centers... Their adoptions weren't finalized for 1 1/2 years after placement with us.

They called us Mom and Dad, we call them our children, but it did have to have legal clarification. Didn't help that we knew our daughter would be changing her last AND first name. Luckily we put her in a private school that was willing to call her by her new name all year, even though we couldn't legally change her name until after school is out.

[ChromaKelly]

This is a great question! We got a lot of curious questions about us since C is AA and we're CC, it's pretty obvious that we are adopting him. Although on the road waiting out ICPC, it more was like "look at the new baby" than the transracial issue. I did say "we're adopting him" and kind of explain the whole we have to wait for clearance to go home. I think people were kind of like why are you dragging a days-old newborn all over creation so I sort of felt like I had to explain.

[Wisdom]

I didn't know the best way to say it either and have usually said we're "adopting" since the legal process isn't complete. I'm not crazy about that wording either (even though it's the truth) because it sounds so incomplete. But I agree with Aclee--the process of him being our son is complete in our hearts.

I'm with you HappyHopefullyMommy--I can't wait until it's all finalized!

[jalapeno]

When/if it came up I would usually say something like "we're in the process of adopting". As to the placement day, I would say something like "she's been with us since she was two days old". Maybe "she came home on such and such day" would work also.

[Whirled_Peas]

I say, "We're adopting." I used to say, "We met her one minute before she turned 6 hours old." Now I say, "I first nursed her when she was 6 hours old."