[Kortney2127]

I have never posted here before but I often come in and read to gain support and so I am here again. My husband and I just experienced or first failed adoption. We have been supporting the mother for the last 3 months and she is due in 2 weeks with an African American baby girl. We have two biological little boys that help me get through it every time I look at them however I am struggle a lot more than I anticipated.

I was not prepared to mourn a baby that was never really mine to begin with. I allowed myself to feel her, need her and protect her and now I am without her.

The birth mothers parents stepped in this past week and want to raise the baby. I don't want to be angry at the birth mother because I know that she just doesn't have the strength to stand up to her parents. I want to and will move on tomorrow with a new plan but I can't help but think that I am supposed to change her mind for her daughter is meant to be with us.

Tears from TN . . .

[kelceesmom]

I am really sorry for what you are going thru. It is a loss and you have the right to mourn. I can' imagine being in this young ladies shoes and having to make these kinds of decisions. You will get thru this and when you baby comes into your lives you will know why this situation didn't work out. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself a little extra.

[vernellinnj]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Take your time in grieving and know that there are people (in spite of not actually knowing you) who really do care.

There's a strange bond in the adoption community....and though I haven't experienced a failed match, as a fosterparent, I know what it's like to not raise a child that you thought you would.

Take care.

[ourdreamcametru]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Allow yourself time to greive and know that your child IS out there and will come when the time is right. Hugs.

[MSkorseth]

It sounds like you made a real investment emotionally and financially for the child you were expecting. While the greaving is hard, it proves that you are ready to love a child with your whole heart. I'm so sorry that you have been so hurt in this case. I'll be praying that you are able to heal so your heart can recover from the loss of this child. Hopefully your heart will open for another child to love who's searching to find you. Definately pamper yourself and be extra kind to yourself for a while until you're feeling stronger.

[adoptingourfirst]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[4everwaiting]

Awww Kortney, (((Hugs))) I'm sooo sorry you are going through this!!! It takes a big person to take a emotional blow like this and still look at the side of the potential birth parent... Today, take care of you!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

Know that we are here for you!

Sandra

[mommy3]

We experienced an early failed match (earlier in the pregnancy when we chose to walk away b/c the expectant mom became really difficult) and one when the expectant mom chose to parent at birth and not to call us. Both were very painful but I learned that these situations were "easier" for us than the failed adoptions my friends have experienced when they were WITH a baby for days and then the mother changed her mind. I do support a mother making her OWN choice, clearly the most important issue in being a mother, "how will my child be raised?" Still, when we're in the role of the waiting adoptive parent, our perspective is truly so difficult, even when we accept the choice of the mother. May you have time with your family to grieve, step away a little and then, renew your plans and wait for the baby you were meant to have. Best thoughts, susan

[cbrink7]

Just wanted to send some

[devildogwife]

So sorry to hear that.

[mandirenee]

I know how much this hurts we just experienced a failed placement where the baby was just born and we had met her for just a bit. It's hard, but press on. HUGS!!!!!

[Kortney2127]

I am truly amazed at the amount of love in here. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and support. I'm sure, as some of you said, this will all make complete sense when we are holding a baby that is meant to be ours in our arms. Until that day, I pray, hope and will her to us.

Cheers to the future and accepting the past,
Kortney

[jjlutefisk]

We had it happen to us twice before we brought our daughter home. It's been 2 years since the first one and I truly can't imagine my life any different than it is today. My daughter was meant to be my daughter.

Those two little boys we were matched with.... well, we just loved them when we were with them. What child can't use more love? I had two kids to love, a family who was very supportive, a church family who was very loving and lots of close friends who were great listeners. My heart healed and we pressed on. I can't say that I am completely over it but I do know that those two boys are loved and cared for by their birth families and I'm completely happy for them.

I'm just sorry to hear when other adoptive parents have to go through it.

[minibus]

I feel your pain. We spent 3 days in the hospital with a baby girl whose birthmother didn't even want to see her, then the match failed because birthmom didn't sign TPR and CPS stepped in and put the baby into foster care. It broke my heart.

Spend time grieving. Don't try to minimize it for yourself ... it's a real loss. It didn't help me AT ALL when people said that "our" child would find us ... but it DOES get better with time and when the time comes when your child does find you, you heal even faster.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[GoddessDanu]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to grieve. Even though the baby wasn't in your life long, know that your baby is still out there, waiting for you. You are in my thoughts.