[Eponine]

Said to me yesterday by an a-mom (who didn't know that I also am an a-mom). I was a bit agog, I mean I think the woman was just trying to explain something quickly without getting into too many details but - yikes!

Maybe it's because DS is only 9 months old so I'm still a new a-mom and still have the feeling of having to defend my being his "real" mom. I just keep thinking about it and how I can't picture myself ever saying this!

No point really - just needed to get it out and it's one of those things DH would tell me I'm just obsessing over for no reason (and, well, he's a little bit right).

[kelceesmom]

Well, I wouldn't like to hear that myself either. If she isn't your "daughter" then who is she?

[feelingreyt]

That is not something I would want to hear either. And futhermore, I hope HER daughter has never heard her say that! How terrible.
My ason is my child through and through, just as much as my 2 bios. I would be so angry if anyone said that ds was not my son, he's adopted! I'd be all over them!

[veggiegirl]

I think you should have said, "Huh, that's funny...he (your DS) is also adopted, but he IS my son!"

[loveajax]

yuck...i would have been upset too...i just hope her kid didn't hear that. I remember my MIL saying to my SIL about her birth mom: ''well, when you met your real mom...'' and my SIL quickly corrected her...''no, YOU are my real mom.'' I think it's so important for a parents not to do what this woman did!will you have to see her again?

[buttascotchbaby]

Slightly OT, but when we were in court this past Monday (did I mention we finalized on Monday?! LOL) and the DAG was introducing everyone to the judge, she mentioned that "her son" was also there. When it came my turn to talk, when asked why I wanted to adopt my kids, I said that I had had to bite my tongue to stop from correcting the DAG and saying "her bio son", because I have two sons, and they were both there.

I find it interesting to read the posts here where many of the aparents have infants, since I adopted though foster care and my kids were/are older. My experiences are different, since my kids are old enough to understand what is going on and to have their opinions count when it comes to deciding what gets made public and what does not. My son, for instance, in the beginning, when he was 9, didn't want anyone to know. Now, almost 3 years later he is quite open about it. My daughter, at 4, initially was completely open about it, she had no shame and it led to some very funny episodes Now at 7 it is so much a part of her life that she doesn't really care about it. I will be interesting to see if their feelings change as they age. I think adoption is an awesome way to build my family and love to talk about it, but I try to be sensitive to how my kids feel in different instances.

Ooops! Sorry for the hijack Just some thoughts this morning...

[Slatond10]

I didn't exactly say that but it must have been interpreted that way??? My DD is from Guatemala and some hispanics ask if she was my daughter. I said "yes, but she is adopted"... they ask again " is she your daughter?" The 2nd time I just answered, "yes, she is my daughter" and left it at that!

My friend that adopted as well, was kind enough to gently correct me when I used incorrect terms. Rather than be offended maybe gentle correction would edulcate her for future!

[Eponine]

Well, she was trying to explain to me that her daughter was a native speaker of a language other than English. And she said those exact words with the emphasis on MY like I typed it.

I almost wanted to say "It's okay, I get it. I realized before this point that your child is either adopted and/or a step child if English is not her first language, because it is obviously your only language".

[Casey677]

Yikes. I can't imagine saying that. I can't imagine someone else saying it either.

[Wisdom]

How odd that she would say that. Even if she was trying to explain something wouldn't "she's adopted" have been enough. Why begin with "she's not my daughter?" To me it says that she doesn't truly see her as her daughter. I'm just wondering how old was the daughter?

[dpen6]

as an adoptee I would have been terribly hurt.

[chrisandaaron]

I got very good advice from an amom before we adopted. She said that instead of saying her children were adopted she always said the "she/they adopted them." That made adoption an action they took rather than using it to describe their children. At first I thought it was being a little picky about words...but I am now a believer. Since I have a bio child and 2 children thru adoption, this keeps me out of trouble a lot when it comes to talking about my kids!

[proudmum]

wow how sad for her child,,,,adults need to be so careful about what they say in front of kids,,, i only hope that she does not actually feel this way..

[devildogwife]

I think that's terrible to say.

[Fran27]

That's just awful.