[jalapeno]

I just want to vent a little!

Why do perfect strangers think they can touch my toddler without permission!

Ok, maybe I'm a little high strung on this issue. But I can't stand it when I'm out in public and people touch my children or try to "help" me with the kids without asking me. If I hear "gosh, it looks like you have your hands full!" one more time!

Today I took my three kids to the store because they need shoes. There were a couple of women there (apparently mother and adult-daughter). They apparently thought my kids were cute (ok, fine). Then they wanted to tell me about their kids (not interested. Duh, don't have a lot of time at the moment). My two year old had taken her shoes off and I asked her to put them back on. Well, I was busy trying shoes on one of my sons. One of the women decided she was going to help my DD put her shoes on. Ok, BACK OFF! First of all, I don't care if my DD has her shoes on - I'm going to have to take them off in a minute to try shoes on HER. I'm just trying to keep her occupied to give me another minute with my SON! Second of all, why the heck would you touch a stranger's toddler without asking? Why do people assume I somehow don't have control of the situation!?! All my kids are within arms reach! Nobody's bleeding! Yes, my kids can be loud and my life can be chaotic. That doesn't mean I need help and doesn't mean that some random stranger who's been witness to my life for all of 2 minutes has a clue what I'm trying to do!! Why can't people just ask first!!!???

Ok, maybe this is kinda silly. But this happens to me all the time since I have such little kids. And I absolutely hate it because I know the woman was just trying to be nice but I don't want my kids to be comfortable with any random stranger "helping" them and getting in their personal space.

UHHGGG!!

[arkansas parent]

At least she didn't offer to take your daughter. I was at the store looking at baby stuff and Baby A was getting a little fussy so I was getting him out of his carseat. Some old women said " I will take him if he is too much trouble for you". I told her he was no trouble at all. It is not like he was screaming his head off and I was ignoring him. He was just fussing and I was talking to him while I picked him up.
I also have people come up and touch T's hair. He is biracial with tight curly hair. One of T's pre-k teacher would rub his head because he liked the way his hair felt. That was one reason I shaved his hair VERY short.

[aclee]

We went to a local fish market shortly after Ty was home to buy some dinner, and the lady reached her FISH HANDS into his carrier and touched him. I almost shorted a fuse. Then she called another FISH covered lady over so she could touch him. Before she did, I picked him up and walked out...

[Eponine]

Seriously - when did it become OK to just walk up and touch someone's child?

I brought DS to the office with me for a few minutes one day to take care of something important and a coworker (not a good friend, just a coworker) sticks her finger in DS's mouth to feel around for teeth! Excuse me? Who knows when you last washed your hands and you are putting them in my baby's mouth????

So yeah, right there with ya, jalapeno!

[chrisandaaron]

Ok, maybe I'm the odd ball. Like you, I have 3 little ones (2 -2 1/2 yo and 1 - 3mo). I appreciate when people jump in and help me out or grab a kid that is running away (even if I don't think they are too far yet). I figure they are just trying to be nice and they mean well. That doesn't mean I take my eyes off them, but at least the kids are occupied for a couple minutes while I finish what I need to do. I dont' think they feel I can't handle things, they just want to be helpful. DH once asked how I managed going places with all the kids and I told him someone almost always offers to help or if I need help I just ask someone. There is almost always someone happy to help me.

P.S. The touching on the face or mouth does bug me.

[Stormster]

Yeah I kind of appreciate that stuff too. But the touching and esp. fingers in mouth???? uh uh.

I realize it's different when you have 3 kids to watch as well.

[jalapeno]

Originally Posted by chrisandaaron

Ok, maybe I'm the odd ball. Like you, I have 3 little ones (2 -2 1/2 yo and 1 - 3mo). I appreciate when people jump in and help me out or grab a kid that is running away (even if I don't think they are too far yet). I figure they are just trying to be nice and they mean well. That doesn't mean I take my eyes off them, but at least the kids are occupied for a couple minutes while I finish what I need to do. I dont' think they feel I can't handle things, they just want to be helpful. DH once asked how I managed going places with all the kids and I told him someone almost always offers to help or if I need help I just ask someone. There is almost always someone happy to help me.

P.S. The touching on the face or mouth does bug me.

Well, I'm sure I'm more touchy than average on this issue. I just really wish people would ask first. Unless it's a safety issue, I don't see why they don't think to do that. For me, the problem is that I feel like I have even more to keep track of when someone tries to help. It's just another distraction for me that I don't need. I don't mind people talking to my kids. And I don't normally mind people playing with my kids a little if my kids initiate it. But I don't see why a child should get less respect than an adult. Nobody would walk up to an adult and stick a finger in their mouth. Nobody would walk up to an adult and just start helping them put shoes on without asking. Or ruffle their hair. Or pinch their cheek. It's just common courtesy to ask but so many people seem to forgo that when it's a child. Anyway, I'm over it now that I've had my rant (for the time being )

[emtb79]

I totally feel for you. I have not been matched yet, however I have a home daycare and I take my 6 kids ages 14months, 20 months, 2 1/2, 3, 3 1/2,4 to the library storytime or park and they feel the need to touch the two babies because they are so small or they feel the need to suggest I need more help just because they outnumber me 6 to 1. What really drove crazy was people touching the babies when they really little just to feel their hair.

[Gwen72]

I was on a plane to Hawaii once and there was a woman who had a tiny baby that was probably less than six months old. This poor baby was so uncomfortable for some reason and kept crying. The woman walked up and down the aisle of the plane for at least an hour and we had three more hours before we landed. Her husband couldn't(or didn't) help because he was keeping thier other children entertained. I asked her if she would like me to walk her baby for a while so she could relax. She had a total meltdown and sicked a stewardess on me! I was just trying to help. We were 30,000 feet over the Pacific Ocean. I wasn't going to disappear with the baby! I explained to the stewardess that I was just trying to be helpful and luckily the Honolulu Police were not waiting for me on the runway. The woman saw me at the luggage rack and was still giving me dirty looks and whispering under her breath at me three hours later! I smiled and waved and gave her a big "ALOHA". The moral of this tale of woe is: try to give the person who offers to help you the benefit of the doubt. They may just be a genuinely compassionate person trying to help.

[Stormster]

Originally Posted by Gwen72

I was on a plane to Hawaii once and there was a woman who had a tiny baby that was probably less than six months old. This poor baby was so uncomfortable for some reason and kept crying. The woman walked up and down the aisle of the plane for at least an hour and we had three more hours before we landed. Her husband couldn't(or didn't) help because he was keeping thier other children entertained. I asked her if she would like me to walk her baby for a while so she could relax. She had a total meltdown and sicked a stewardess on me! I was just trying to help. We were 30,000 feet over the Pacific Ocean. I wasn't going to disappear with the baby! I explained to the stewardess that I was just trying to be helpful and luckily the Honolulu Police were not waiting for me on the runway. The woman saw me at the luggage rack and was still giving me dirty looks and whispering under her breath at me three hours later! I smiled and waved and gave her a big "ALOHA". The moral of this tale of woe is: try to give the person who offers to help you the benefit of the doubt. They may just be a genuinely compassionate person trying to help.

Aww Gwen where were you on our Transatlantic flights? In England a woman asked if she could hold E while we ate (no highchairs). I basically threw him to her like a football! He also loves new people so it was a win win win.

[Gwen72]

I would have been happy to hold E for you so you and DH could have a nice quiet meal together. If I'm ever in New York again, maybe I'll babysit one night!

[Canadamom92]

I flipped out when an elderly woman reached into my then 4-day-old daughter's carseat/stroller and yanked out her soother, saying "you don't need that!" I smiled and pushed the stroller away, tossed the soother in the garbage and gave her a clean, sterilized one out of my bag. Ugh! Don't touch my kids!

On the other hand, we were at an event and I saw a boy of about 2-3 playing alone running in and out of a bus shelter and onto the sidewalk next to a very busy street in the downtown of a large metropolitan area. I pushed my daughter (in her stroller) over to him and asked him where his adults were. He gestured vaguely to the throng of people at the event. I guided him over to his mother (without touching him). His mother, who was across a football field from him and way out of earshot/eyesight, just glared at me like I had no business interfering. So sorry... not!

[akcskye]

I think for a lot of us that feel negatively about this, depending upon the circumstances, feel that it is an insult to our parenting skills...ESPECIALLY when we're new parents and we've just adopted.

Of COURSE people should ask first. Of COURSE sick or tainted hands, you would think, would be thought of first before touching a little babe.

But, it doesn't happen...especially with the elderly. They get so excited to see a baby when all they see is other elderly people that they can't hold back their excitement.

Now, my kids are older...mind you...but my family is a LOT older than they should be for someone my age. So, it's not as big of a deal to me because my family was from the age that you didn't have to have many boundaries...everyone watched out for each other...the town drunk was the one you feared...you know?

As for me, as long as the person wanting to touch the child (for instance, when I had my G. Nephew who is 1 last month in town) doesn't mind a spritz of hand sanitizer before they can touch.

Yes, I carry spray on hand sanitizer in my purse, and I am NOT afraid to use it! haha

Maybe they'll think you're a germaphobe...who cares...they got to touch the baby and you got a half a moment's peace with your child being safely watched by you and entertained by someone else.

It's an adult's instinct to cherish children.