[mandiedandie]

I am not really sure what to do and am feeling very nervous about what will happen. The past 4 months, I have been depressed. Back in May, my parents were in Africa and my little sister was in my and my brother's care- she is 16. At the time, we had been waiting for about 3-4 months to be matched and we found out my little sister was pregnant. I had already been having a really hard time with waiting to be a mom, with my parents being gone for 14 weeks as they are a support system, work was very stressful, and then bam, my sister gets pregnant and I was asked to take her to her appts. Well, it threw me over the edge, I couldn't sleep for days, so I went and got some Xanax and saw a therapist. While in therapy, it came out that I was in a sexually, physically, and mentally abusive relationship...which my therapist kind of forced me to look at even though I really wasn't in the right place since I was already having a rough time with my sister. So, not only that, but my therapist started telling me to deal with the fact that my mom and dad can't help me with my problems, blah blah...made me feel like my life was horrible. Still no sleep, more depression and anxiety...really bad. Okay, so I finally ask for an anti-depressant because you know, this just isn't getting better, I'm still not sleeping, and am tired of taking something that can be addictive. So, my family doctor advises me to see a psychiatrist because he isn't comfortable prescribing those meds. So, I try to make an appt with one back in July, but because there is only ONE group in this city, my appt is set for Sep. 30. Okay, so I keep trying to deal with it, no sleep, lots of anxiety, not understanding why I can't kick it. In the meantime, we call the agency and asked to not be shown for a while because I have a lot going on. So, I keep trying to deal, try the anti-depressant my family doctor gave me but it made me so sick I couldn't eat, still couldn't sleep, etc. Quit going to therapy because she just made me feel like my life was horrible. So, fast forward and I ended up voluntarily going to an in-patient facility in a larger city because I just didn't feel better at all and the only way I could get the right medication and referalls was to go there. So, I went, got the right stuff, was told hey, your therapist was really bad for you, was referred to a good therapist. When I told them how scared I was that we wouldn't be able to adopt now because it looks bad that I went in-patient, albeit voluntarily (and not because I was suicidal or anything, just because the depression wasn't getting better) only because I couldn't get the right help in my city and the psychiatrist said, don't even tell them about it, you're fine, you're stable, you just were gut-punched so many times with so much stuff, that it got too hard. She said to just get back out there right away, but I am nervous that our agency will revoke our homestudy now. I feel an obligation to tell them when we are ready to be shown again that I am on anti-depressant medication, my husband thinks that we don't need to give them the details because I went in-patient for 2 days basically to see the right doctor and get the right medication, and get the right referral to a good therapist and that as long as the therapist signs off on me being stable, just like the psychiatrist said I was, then we'll be fine. I have no previous history of depression, being in therapy, or being on meds of any type until now...which is why I think it was so hard for me to get the right help, because I've never been through this before. In your opinions, what do we have to reveal and will it revoke our homestudy? I am doing so much better now that I got the right help, and I am so frustrated that I had to go to that place simply because it takes MONTHS to get in to see a doctor here. Thanks

[lovemy2boys]

I remember your story...Wow - you've been through so much.

I also don't think you should worry about not being chosen or about the agency revoking your homestudy (easier said than done - right?).

I would just be honest - tell them what has been going on in your life...explain the reason behind entering inpatient care. Would you be able to get a statement from the therapist you saw at the facility, in addition to your current therapist?

I think that would solve any concerns your agency may have.

Good luck to you!

[RobinKay]

I agree with love--just be upfront and get a letter from your current therapist. The agencies know how stressful this is for you.

Will be thinking of you--

[ChromaKelly]

Maybe I'm a little confused in the story, but are you currently in an absuive relationship? Or did you mean it came out that you were in one in the past?

I would be honest with your social worker about what's going on. Yes, they might want to put things on hold, or maybe you will need to get a letter from your therapist. But, with all this going on, maybe you need to take a little break from the adoption process.

[longingforadaughter]

Oh sweetie, my heart aches for you.

Please try to take care of yourself and try not to worry incessantly. Be honest with your homestudy provider, get statements from your therapists, and you should be covered. If anything, they may want you to do therapy which sounds like that is what you are doing anyway.

Depression, in a domestic adoption, is not a big stigma like in international. Alot of people I know are on antidepressants for one reason or another; over 50% of them hold high power jobs or jobs with a huge responsibility (read hold the lives of others in their hands). Doesn't mean that you will not be a good parent, just going thru a rough patch and need a little extra help right now.

Thinking of you...

Debbie

[mandiedandie]

I really appreciate the encouraging words. The abusive relationship was in the past. My husband is very loving. We decided to put the adoption on hold at the beginning of all of this. His suggestion was not to not say anything but to just let our Agency know I have been getting help through a therapist and, when I am ready, let them know we are ready to be back out there for consideration. We also would submit a letter from my therapist saying if I am ready. My husbands stance is that the actual details only really need to be disclosed to the therapist and the fact that I am getting the help I need and when I am ready to be back out there is all the Agency needs to be informed of (unless they request more information ofcourse). Curious as to some opinions on that. Thank you.

[humanpitchpipe]

First of all, I must say that you took a really big step in helping yourself and getting some medication. My husband is Bipolar and it took at least 6 months for him to find a medication combination that worked for him. There are so many different medicines that are available to you and don't be afraid to discuss medication with your psychiatrist. I want to say that it is possible to adopt with depression. Our agency simply required a letter from my husband's psychiatrist. This was more of a complication for our Guatemalan adoption, but we were still able to adopt. I would talk to your agency about it. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself and being responsible and your hubby sounds supportive too, so you have a good thing going for you now.