[ChromaKelly]

I thought this would be the easy part! Instead, every day I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack about something!

Today, I can't get a hold of e-mom ("C"). She had her meeting with the agency social worker, and the agency told me it went well, she likes us, feels comfortable with her choice, etc. So I tried to call C yesterday afternoon and evening (we had set up that I would call every afternoon to check in on her, and she sounded happy about that). I called again today, got the voice mail. She can't call me as she can't make long-distance calls. From what C has told me, she's pretty much stuck in the house. So, is she out somewhere? She has two small children, where would she be? Did she freak out and take off? Does she just not want to talk to me? I called the facilitator to see if she's checked in with them.
Or maybe this is all nothing I just keep missing her.

OMG, I need a drink!

[SupaModel]

You think every part is the easier until you go to the next phase. I remember saying once HS is done then I can relax and just wait. HA!! yeah right

[JustCourtney]

I was a wreck, too. For 7 weeks I didn't sleep and was either worried because she hadn't called, or dreading picking up the phone when she did because I just knew that she was calling to tell us she had changed her mind. Not to freak you out, but only gets worse until you are home with your baby - later if you have to wait for TPR. Not only are you worried that the bubble is going to burst any moment, but then you also have a whole range of emotions concerning the bmom - guilt, love, sorrow. It is quite a rollercoaster, and nothing can prepare you for it!

Just hang onto your husband and enjoy the ride as much as you can - when it is over with you will wonder what you were so worried about! Good luck!

[loveajax]

If you didn't have two kids, I would suggest some serious drinking!!!! I know people get stressed waiting for a match (I did too) but the match-placement period dang near killed me!

Btw, congrats on your match and best of luck!

[Beth.]

Yep, we drank lots and lots of red wine.

Luckily, we matched late in pregnancy so I didn't turn into a big drunk! I totally understand second time adoptive parents saying they will go only for baby born situations.

As for mom not answering, she probably just needs some time. She might not have the words right now, but I bet she takes comfort in knowing that you care about her.

Hang in there. We all survived and you will too!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by ChromaKelly

I thought this would be the easy part! Instead, every day I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack about something!

Today, I can't get a hold of e-mom ("C"). She had her meeting with the agency social worker, and the agency told me it went well, she likes us, feels comfortable with her choice, etc. So I tried to call C yesterday afternoon and evening (we had set up that I would call every afternoon to check in on her, and she sounded happy about that). I called again today, got the voice mail. She can't call me as she can't make long-distance calls. From what C has told me, she's pretty much stuck in the house. So, is she out somewhere? She has two small children, where would she be? Did she freak out and take off? Does she just not want to talk to me? I called the facilitator to see if she's checked in with them.
Or maybe this is all nothing I just keep missing her.

OMG, I need a drink!

Nothing about any of this is easy, sorry to say. Every stage is hard. And how do you get through it? One day at a time... or one hour at a time. Maybe she is struggling in her decision. I'm sure it's a toughie for her. But maybe she's at peace and is enjoying these last few days before the baby arrives. Hang in there... and (((Hugs))))

[ChromaKelly]

Phew! OK guess what it was? Her grandmother had turned the ringer off the phone to take a nap yesterday and forgot. C was wondering why the phone was so quiet. Had an hour-long conversation with her today, everything is great!

[FatherOfOne]

What you are feeling is completely normal. My wife was pretty laid back about it all, but I amalyzed EVERYTHING. Every myspace message she got from others scared me!!! But it all works out in the end!!!

[OakShannon]

Phew! I'm glad everything is alright!

We're doing fost/adopt so it's not the same process - but I can relate to the anxiety. We're sweating out the wait until TPR. (4 months down, 2.5 weeks to go.) Once, our social worker called to schedule a visit and mentioned that she would be here for 45 minutes. When I hung up, all I could think was that she'd never stayed that long before or specified a length of time, so something must be wrong. She had bad news she didn't want to tell me over the phone. They were going to remove Daniel from our home. I called her back in a panic and she said no, actually she usually schedules visits in 1 hour blocks but she would have to leave a little early because she had a doctor's appointment. Sheesh.

I was such a basket case that I called my partner at work sobbing.

I'll keep you in my prayers until you get through this. It's definitely not easy. Since you have kids and drinking heavily is not an option - I recommend chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by ChromaKelly

Phew! OK guess what it was? Her grandmother had turned the ringer off the phone to take a nap yesterday and forgot. C was wondering why the phone was so quiet. Had an hour-long conversation with her today, everything is great!

Good! Hang in there!

[loveajax]

Ditto to what Tammy said!

[HeidiK]

Being matched was the hardest part - I wasn't in direct contact with my oldest sons birth mother until after finalization so I had to wait through the agency being cloased over the Christamas holiday AND she was due on 12/25 - I never heard from anyone until 1/2/03 the day he was born - I thought I was going crazy. Bit of advice - talking to your EMom everyday sets up very unrealistic expectations for what your communictaion will be like AFTER baby is born, unless you plan to speak to her everyday then too...some people do. The time is now to start talking and planning for your future realtionship -may you all be happy and healthy on this journey togeather

[mommy3]

I'm going to echo was was offered by HeidiK -- you might want to consider talking only once (or twice?) a week for several reasons, including the important issue HeidiK raised of unrealistic expectations in terms of attention for the emom. I also found that reaching someone daily can get challenging, for the very reason that you found yesterday, but that weekly calls allow you to "save up" things to talk about, get used to periodic contact and attempt a bit of a normal life (what is that when you are waiting?!). Waiting is hard, but I did prefer it to waiting to be contacted, huh?! susan

[mommieof2cuties]

Originally Posted by mommy3

I'm going to echo was was offered by HeidiK -- you might want to consider talking only once (or twice?) a week for several reasons, including the important issue HeidiK raised of unrealistic expectations in terms of attention for the emom. I also found that reaching someone daily can get challenging, for the very reason that you found yesterday, but that weekly calls allow you to "save up" things to talk about, get used to periodic contact and attempt a bit of a normal life (what is that when you are waiting?!). Waiting is hard, but I did prefer it to waiting to be contacted, huh?! susan

Susan said it best! Once a week would be best, unless an emergency comes up. also think about the fact that once the baby comes you won't be talking everyday and that can upset her. Once a week gives you enough to talk about

Summer

[ChromaKelly]

I'm going to echo was was offered by HeidiK -- you might want to consider talking only once (or twice?) a week for several reasons, including the important issue HeidiK raised of unrealistic expectations in terms of attention for the emom. I also found that reaching someone daily can get challenging, for the very reason that you found yesterday, but that weekly calls allow you to "save up" things to talk about, get used to periodic contact and attempt a bit of a normal life (what is that when you are waiting?!). Waiting is hard, but I did prefer it to waiting to be contacted, huh?! susan
__________________

We just matched a few days ago, and she's due to have the baby really any day now, so once a week for us would have been only talking to her once. We've had to kind of rush the "getting to know you" phase and moved on to talking about what will happen at the birth, and today I plan on talking about post-placement contact. No, I normally wouldn't have talked to the e-mom every day, but with us only having about a week of time being matched, it kind of forces it a bit.