[mommieof2cuties]

I am sure many of us have been reading, watching about toddler Caylee from Orlando who went missing on June 15th or so. Much of what the mom of the missing toddler has said has been told it has been a lie. Tonight on CNN live it appears that a Doctor says that the mother of Caylee wanted to give the baby up for adoption and her family wouldn't let her. So I am just wondering what people think. Also if someone on here's child got pregnant and wanted to place for adoption but family told you no and that you had to keep the baby do you think that is right also? Should we as parents force children to parent if they clearly want to place or not parent? Just wondering what everyone's thoughts would be. I just hope the toddler is ok.

[trixila]

I can relate to this one. We were matched with young birthparents in AL who were in no position to parent. The birthmother wanted to go to college, tbe birthfather was unable to hold down a job, it was a rocky relationship. Still, they chose us, we met, we supported them emotionally and financially for several months. In the end, however, the birthfather's parents made the decision for them; they had an addition built onto their home to accomodate the couple and coming baby. I met these soon to be grandparents over lunch, and it was clear that my husband and I were out to 'steal their first grandchild". We did not want a protracted court battle, it was clear who held the winning hand. The most painful part was the baby was expected to have serious health concerns and no one (except us) had insurance to cover potential medical bills. I hope that that baby girl born sometime in October '06 is healthy, happy and loved. We went on to adopt a baby girl five months later, she is a gem. It is really hard when family members get involved. The overwhelming motto should be "the best interests of the child". Sadly, it may be too late for Caylee.

[binkybear]

I've been following the story nightly pretty much. Hoping that this precious little baby is found alive and well. Tonight, as I sat typing out some stuff for work, I glanced up to see a bold headline of "Tot mom wanted to give Caylee up for Adoption!"
All I could think was "cr*p..what's the point of that headline and how's it going to help find this baby." It's just really sad that this is how he media spins it. 2+2, of course.. woman who may have considered placement are of course capable of harming thier children. That way back when adoption would have been better for Caylee and this tragedy proves it. (forget all of the family photos, memories, relatives, support and love for this child) It's just so sad and no help whatsoever to this case.

If this mother is or was unstable, did indeed hurt her toddler in anyway it has zip to do with a supposed adoption consideration. It has zip to do with her family supporting her, assisting her, even enabling her "issues". It has everything to do with her adult actions alone.

It's just sad and if I'm being totally honest I had this gut feeling over the past few weeks of watching that this headline would indeed surface. It's so typical of the media monster. It's not an adoption issue or topic IMO. But that's just me.

[jalapeno]

How awful! I haven't actually been following the story. It may be possible to force someone to keep a child, but it's certainly not possible to force someone to actually be a "parent". From the OP's summary, it would seem to me that someone in the family needed to step up and adopt the child rather than trying to force the mother to be a mother.

On the other hand though, I can certainly understand a family going to great lengths to keep a child in the family. Trixila's post got me thinking (and I certainly don't have all the information about that particular scenario so I'm not intending to comment about that specifically). But I cannot imagine willingly allowing a grandchild of mine to be placed for adoption with someone I don't know. Obviously that's how so many of the families here are started. But for me, personally, if we were talking about MY grandchild, I would adopt them myself if I needed to.

[Linny]

I've been criticized before for this position, but if a child of mine became pregnant and wanted to place the baby for adoption...I'd support that decision full-heartedly. Further, I would completely respect her decision to parent...but I would also want her to be educated and consider adoption. Dh and I discussed this a lot of times while our first daughter was growing up after reading, seeing girls who were forced to parent by their own parents (the grandparents of the unborn baby).
I don't think it would matter to me about the child being a 'grandchild'. Maybe it's because we've adopted so many times that I'd want adoption to be fully considered.

Sincerely,

Linny

[mommieof2cuties]

Originally Posted by binkybear

I've been following the story nightly pretty much. Hoping that this precious little baby is found alive and well. Tonight, as I sat typing out some stuff for work, I glanced up to see a bold headline of "Tot mom wanted to give Caylee up for Adoption!"
All I could think was "cr*p..what's the point of that headline and how's it going to help find this baby." It's just really sad that this is how he media spins it. 2+2, of course.. woman who may have considered placement are of course capable of harming thier children. That way back when adoption would have been better for Caylee and this tragedy proves it. (forget all of the family photos, memories, relatives, support and love for this child) It's just so sad and no help whatsoever to this case.

If this mother is or was unstable, did indeed hurt her toddler in anyway it has zip to do with a supposed adoption consideration. It has zip to do with her family supporting her, assisting her, even enabling her "issues". It has everything to do with her adult actions alone.

It's just sad and if I'm being totally honest I had this gut feeling over the past few weeks of watching that this headline would indeed surface. It's so typical of the media monster. It's not an adoption issue or topic IMO. But that's just me.

My last issue is I just dislike seeing adoption in the media when it is not good because the media only appears to focus on the bad.

I want this child to be found safe and sound. but at the same time if the mother wanted adoption and the grandparents forced parenting on her, have we failed this child? and others like her? We all have learned the hard way you cannot force a person to parent a child.

Summer

[mommieof2cuties]

Originally Posted by Linny

I've been criticized before for this position, but if a child of mine became pregnant and wanted to place the baby for adoption...I'd support that decision full-heartedly. Further, I would completely respect her decision to parent...but I would also want her to be educated and consider adoption. Dh and I discussed this a lot of times while our first daughter was growing up after reading, seeing girls who were forced to parent by their own parents (the grandparents of the unborn baby).
I don't think it would matter to me about the child being a 'grandchild'. Maybe it's because we've adopted so many times that I'd want adoption to be fully considered.

Sincerely,

Linny

I would also, because we have been blessed with adoption. I have also placed my daughter for adoption so I have seen all sides and open adoption is hard, but with much work and shaping it usually can work out for the best. If the grandparents relaized this maybe we all wouldn't be watching CNN because from what I have learned about the true facts she lied about having a job for 1.5 years, so where was she during all that time and where was she getting all this money? Also how can the grandparents who she lived with not approve the childcare and anything else if they were so involved in the care of this little girl?

I have too many friends, I am young (30) but because of my husband (45) we have many friends over 45 who have children who are over 21 who got pregnant and decided to keep the children. Even after talking about adoption many said they were told old to start fulltime care of a baby or toddler all over again, that they would help out when needed, babysit when needed but that it was up to the children to raise and care for the babies if they had them. Do I personally agree that all of this friends children keep the babies no way, especilly when the boyfriends stop helping, and the case's are in court and it is the baby that suffer. But are other friends kids baby's doing great you bet. My point in all this is one friend of mine did take in her grandson after we were granted emergency fostercare for him. He is three and they will hopefully be adopting him, but I can see it has made them age ten years, and instead of travaling and leaving work they will be raising another child. The killer in all this is that child has a new baby brother and my friends won't take him on, so he they pulled me aside this weekend and said they just cannot do it again. I think not always but grandparents forget maybe, how hard it is to after you're own children have grown up to have to start over again.

Ok, back to the story, I hope this toddler is found safe, I hope that adoption is not the focus. But I hope that maybe changes can be made so that if a mom wants to place her parents (the grandparents) cannot force her to keep it.

[journeytolily]

We just went thru a situation last week, where we were chosen by the bparents, and the bmom's mother, to adopt the baby. This happened very suddenly for us, as the young lady had just had the baby. The agency had been counseling her, and this couple absolutely wanted to place the baby, but at the hospital, the bdad's family came in and created a scene and the couple DID keep this baby girl.

Although we were disappointed, everything had happened so quickly we didn't have a chance to get very emotionally involved. What bothered me about it, and I still worry, is that it seemed this young couple were clearly not ready to parent but were pushed or guilted into it. All I can do is pray for that little one, that she will be loved and wanted, and that the parents are able to step up and be loving and responsible.

It would have been much easier on me if they had seen the baby and then decided that they just couldn't part with her. After the birth, they still wanted to place with us; it was only his family that wanted them to keep the baby.

[cbrink7]

I just hope and pray that Caylee is found safe. I have been following a little bit and from what I have seen the mother is not being honest-either because she is scared or because she was involved some how-her story just does not make sense. Just sad...

Did anyone see the 20/20 episode called Babyland? It was about how TN (Memphis in particular) has a very high rate of infant mortality. Very interesting and heartbreaking...anyway they profiled a 17 year old girl who admittedly admitted that she was not ready to be a mother, but she never spoke of any other options. She was living in poverty, did not finish high school, father of the baby ends up getting murdered...it is just an awful story. It also showed 12 year old girls with babies. It just breaks my heart that none of these girls saw other options than to continue the cycle (because of family pressure, culturally, whatever) when admitting to the fact that they are in no way ready to be parents (I am not saying that they should all make adoption plans, but for some of these girls it would probably be something that would be beneficial had they thought of it as an option-KWIM).

The story really touched me so I am actually looking into ways I can help girls around my area in anyway I can and I am finally ready to give away my maternity clothes (something that I have not been ready to do) to young girls...Sorry if I got off an a tangent, but this topic reminded me of the show

[finallyamom0310]

I have not followed the story much and I really hope she is found safe. As for the OP question on what would I do if DD got pregnant. I know I wouldn't force her to parent but I do think I would ask if she wasn't ready if I could be the one to parent so she would always know her child. Regardless I would support her decision as long as she had all the facts.

[mommieof2cuties]

Cb, after working for DCF and having ten year old clients, that is why I am opening my own nonprofit to help these moms and also maybe if they want help them keep and educated or place and educate. We need to prevent more baby's from dying and more from going lost.

What makes me tick is how the grandparents of this little tot belived that the daughter was working for 1.5 years when she wasn't....how did she pull that off, and what about her taxs? Stuff is not adding up!!

So so so sad.

[mommieof2cuties]

Originally Posted by finallyamom0310

I have not followed the story much and I really hope she is found safe. As for the OP question on what would I do if DD got pregnant. I know I wouldn't force her to parent but I do think I would ask if she wasn't ready if I could be the one to parent so she would always know her child. Regardless I would support her decision as long as she had all the facts.

If you actually are the one to adopt and parent the baby and not co-parent. From what I have seen on cnn the family was co-parenting some of the time and the mom was lying to the grandparents so in the end it is the child who got hurt. If the mom didn't want to parent that is fine, she shouldn't be forced to live in the same home and raise the baby if she didn't want. If the grandparents wanted the baby, than they have every right to the baby if that is what the mom wanted, and they should adopte the baby. In so many cases the co-parenting is not working when the teens or young moms don't want to parent from the start...that is all I am saying.

[ourdreamcametru]

Such a sad story!
If one of my children were to come up pregnant we would make sure that they knew that we were totally ready to help in anyway we could to support them and the baby if they decided to parent. On the other hand, as hard as it would be, we know that if they should decide to place the baby for adoption we would have to support that decision as well.

[thanksgivingmom]

I just hate that this had to be a part of the story at all. As others have said it's convenient that it plays into a negative story - don't they all? What will this now say about adoption? That more young women, or single women SHOULD place their child so that they don't end up in this situation. That families should be more encouraging of adopting children out of their families? Using a fear tactic such as this to deliver higher adoption rates? It makes me wonder....

This is an ISOLATED INCIDENT and news stories like this paint it with a MUCH wider brush.

[IndianaH2A]

Not to get this thread off topic. Although, I was pregnant when I was 15yo (I had my son at 16yo) I looked at adoption, although QUICKLY stopped when my mom stated she wanted to adopt my child. I KNEW that if she did I would NEVER have the same or a close relationship with my mom again. I was not going to put my relationship with my mom in danger. I really hated that she put me in that position. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy I have been able to raise my son and he has turned into a great young man. It was not easy and I would NEVER do it again as a teenager!!
I believe that it is wrong for anyone to force someone to place their child for adoption. I believe it is wrong for anyone to force someone to parent if they don't want to. And I believe that those expectant grandparents need to decide if their relationship with their child is worth harming because they choose to place their child for adoption.
I pray every night that this little girl is found alive and healthy. It is a VERY sad situation.