[cstewme]

My DH and I are just now starting the adoption process. We have our first meeting with the agency next month, so we have many unanswered questions. I read the post on here daily;I recently read a post that 14 was to old to find out your adopted.

Now I am curious to when and what age do my husband and I tell our child they are adopted? Seeking advise on how and when you told your child they were adopted and how did they react?

[Leigh131313]

My son is now 4 and we adopted him at birth.

I have always just made it a part of our normal talk. Even when he was too little to understand....When looking at his baby pictures, I'd say to him - this was the day we met you!! We were so happy T chose us to be your mommy and daddy.

When talking about families- I always talk about DIFFERENT types of families....and always mention and some kids are adopted - Like you!!

I dunno...lots of different ways to mention it. We've never had a big sit down and informed him - it's just a normal part of our world.

[ourdreamcametru]

Our daughter is also 4 and adoption is a normal part of our family, we talk about it every day in someway. She knows she grew in "E's" tummy and then came to be apart of our family when she was born, she knows that there are many different ways to make a family and that there can be many different kinds/colors of people in a family--not everyone has to look the same. I don't personally think you can start too soon talking about adoption, I also don't believe there is any reason for an adoptee to ever have to wonder why or if they were adopted. We are very blessed to have a wonderful open adoption with "E" and her extended family, as a matter of fact, we are on our way to pick up some winter clothes she has bought for Castle as I write this!!!

[BrandyHagz]

I am adopted and 34 It was never a revelation to me - it was always just a fact of my life. I don't recall ever having been told...it just was. I suspect my parents just made it part of my story...and that was that.

Ditto for my daughter, 12.5, who was adopted at birth. It has just always been part of who she is.

Most (all?) adoption professionals recommend not withholding the information, but instead sharing it from an early age.

[vegaschristina]

My kids are 2, 3, and almost 5 and they all know what adoption is and that we're a family because of it. As they get older, they'll understand more, but now what they know is they grew in J's tummy and a judge made us a family.

[lovemy2boys]

My boys are 4 and 6...We've talked about it since they were babies...Like Leigh, we would just talk about it naturally as opposed to one big serious talk...

My oldest son's firstmom was told she was adopted at age 13...She said it was the worst thing she ever went through, finding out at that point - she felt that she was dealing with enough as a teenager that to add adoption on top of it was just too much, especially since people she "confided" in spread it around...and to have to process the emotions of such a big revelation at the same time "defend" it to kids who make careless remarks...my heart went out to her when she told me that.

[cstewme]

Not being a mother, I wasn't sure they would understand at the early ages you mention.

Thanks everyone! It makes a lot of sense to make it apart of them as they grow up then one big Bam, " your adopted"

[RobinKay]

My husband was adopted in 1954. His parents always talked about his adoption to him--they had a little book they read to him. He can't remember not knowing.

However, the details were not shared until we were going to be married. They sat us down and told us a very sweet story about the first time they saw him (in the hospital), how quickly my MIL did the paperwork, and the day they went to court. They could not even hold him until after court. It was overseas, BTW. FIL was in the military.

[djc0501]

I am reading this as a birthmother who's daughter is getting ready to turn 18 in November and reading the posts here really set my mind at ease. Even though the adoptive parents told me that both she and the other little girl they had adopted would always know they were adopted and it would be presented as a positive thing, I was never really sure of how the topic was approached with young children. Reading your posts really set my mind at ease to know that most adoptive families talk about it from the beginning, even when the children may be too young to understand, which leaves the door open for them to ask more questions as they get older and are able to understand more. One of my fears has always been that of my daughter having that bomb dropped on her later in life and it creating emotional upheaval for her. Now that I have a better understanding of how adoptive families handle this subject, I feel alot less worried about how this may have been broached over the course of her life. Thank you to the person who started this thread and enlightened me in the process.

[mommy3]

I wanted to add an important description of adoption that I feel is critical to a child's story, in addition to adoption being a normal part of their life: they "WERE adopted" not "ARE adopted. Adoption is a one-time event and then is completed. They are normal, developing children, if we are lucky and are focused on normalcy -- and when they were young (or whenever it happened for your child), they were adopted. Then they ARE your child. To me, it's not about being politically correct, but removes a label that can be such hindrance to a child feeling as normal as anyone else. My 2.5 cents. susan

[FatherOfOne]

Althought our daughter is only 3 weeks old, we are and will continue to make it part of her life. It will be talked about and nothing will ever be hush hush around her. My wife is making a scrap book of before us, with emails notes and all the stuff that went into her coming into our life, and this scrap book will forever be available for her to look at!!!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by cstewme

My DH and I are just now starting the adoption process. We have our first meeting with the agency next month, so we have many unanswered questions. I read the post on here daily;I recently read a post that 14 was to old to find out your adopted.

Now I am curious to when and what age do my husband and I tell our child they are adopted? Seeking advise on how and when you told your child they were adopted and how did they react?

We have been telling our children their story about how they came to us since the day they were born. They will always know they were adopted, and they will always, as much as we have control over it, have some contact with their birth family. My DD is 4 1/2 and understand very well that she has another mother and how she came to our family. As for a reaction, they have never not known and her/his story is a very natural part of often daily conversation.

My advice would be from day one, start telling the story. It will grow as they get older, adding more details, etc.

[devildogwife]

We're with everyone else. My son will always know he was adopted, we won't have a big revelation when he's a teenager. Not to mention, ours was a transracial adoption.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by cstewme

Not being a mother, I wasn't sure they would understand at the early ages you mention.

Well you're right - we talk to our daughter who's 2 all about how she was adopted and about where she lived before she came home to be with mommy and daddy forever, etc. But no, she doesn't understand what we're talking about at this point! BUT she will slowly start to understand as she gets older, and it gives us a chance to figure out HOW we want to talk about it before she really has a chance to internalize it, which is good for first time parents like us!

[DebCsMom]

I agree with the others, our children have always known. They are 8, 6 & soon to be 5. At what age did I actually tell them, I don't know. It seems as though they have always known. We have VERY open adoptions that include alot of visits. When they were younger it was something like, " You grew in "?" tummy & she asked us to be your Mommy & Daddy." As they get older we tell them what we think is appropriate for their age, concerning their adoptions.

Being honest about their life story is very important.

Deb