[loveajax]

Thanks, Fadzi! Definitely had an awesome time.

Sleeplvr, I have no doubt that agencies do that, but frankly that really infuriates me (and it is illegal). But you know, I never really understood how agencies decided which couples to present to an emom. I know with DD we were one of only three couples that were "interested" so all three of us were shown. Not sure what happens in situations where there are tons of interested PAPs.

I'm also not so sure (depending on the agency/geography) that an AA child would "come up" first. Our agency said that they had historically had very few AA women place through them and that it was sort of uncommon at all in our state.

[Sleeplvr]

Once again... no one has officially stated the baby's race.

I've adopted twice... once from the foster care system and once through a private agency so I've have a little experience with how AA families are treated and what is expected. For example the private agency we used I asked what would happen if a biracial situation turned into a CC situation. I was told we would never get that baby. And sure enough we did have a situation with a baby born where there was discussion over the baby's race. The CC bmom selected us because she wanted an AA family...we wanted him but because of his coloring they thought he might be CC... they found another family. You know what... I wasn't going to fight it. A few weeks later we got DD. I was kind of ticked over the whole situation but I let it go.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Once again... no one has officially stated the baby's race.

I've adopted twice... once from the foster care system and once through a private agency so I've have a little experience with how AA families are treated and what is expected. For example the private agency we used I asked what would happen if a biracial situation turned into a CC situation. I was told we would never get that baby. And sure enough we did have a situation with a baby born where there was discussion over the baby's race. The CC bmom selected us because she wanted an AA family...we wanted him but because of his coloring they thought he might be CC... they found another family. You know what... I wasn't going to fight it. A few weeks later we got DD. I was kind of ticked over the whole situation but I let it go.

THAT right there...that...ARR...STEAM blowing out my ears...

If she wanted you, and you didn't care what race the baby was (and she didn't know apparently, so what a good fit) then it's a freaking MATCH...not they take the baby and go sell it for more money cause it looks white. I would really really love to know if the parents that ended up with that baby paid more "fees" than were quoted to you...somehow, I BET! That makes me want to scream....THAT is the stuff that makes people thing adoption equals baby selling! It's like selling certain dogs in a litter for more cause the colors on their coat are better...these aren't dogs they are freaking KIDS. That bmom should have matched with whom ever she wanted!

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Once again... no one has officially stated the baby's race.

I've adopted twice... once from the foster care system and once through a private agency so I've have a little experience with how AA families are treated and what is expected. For example the private agency we used I asked what would happen if a biracial situation turned into a CC situation. I was told we would never get that baby. And sure enough we did have a situation with a baby born where there was discussion over the baby's race. The CC bmom selected us because she wanted an AA family...we wanted him but because of his coloring they thought he might be CC... they found another family. You know what... I wasn't going to fight it. A few weeks later we got DD. I was kind of ticked over the whole situation but I let it go.

I woould have been SOOOO upset!! Seriously i have friends who have bio BR children and they dont look AA at all BUT they are still BR. Besides color can and most time will change.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

It sounds like a double standard to say that AA parents must be open to AA kids first, and others second, whereas CC parents can be open to whomever they wish. I think we have to distinguish between the foster care system (where there is a great need for aparents, who select the child they want to adopt), and infant adoption (where the bmom selects the aparents she wants to parent her child).

I can't find this? Who said it? I said if an AA couple waited for SOLELY a CC child, I would be upset. IF they were open to all races and ended up with a CC, that's different. Did somone say that AA should only be open to AA?

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Supply and demand is the rule of the game.

Ok, so let's play. lol

The reality is that there are more homes needed for AA kids.

Yes there are, but agencies also need homes for these types of children:

AGENCY NUMBER 1
1. "Families needed for African American newborns. Families who are open to considering birth parents with mental health issues are also needed"

And another statement from the same agency:
2. Families who are prepared to parent a child whose mother may have had a history of high risk behavior and/or some mental health disorder are being matched with expectant mothers on average within six months of acceptance to the program.

Families who are prepared to parent a child of any race including all or part-black are being matched with expectant mothers on average within six months of acceptance to the program.

AGENCY NUMBER 2
1. Special needs is a broad term and can mean a child of any race born with physical, emotional and / or cognitive challenges. Children with special needs may have Down Syndrome, or perhaps be born affected by prenatal drug and alcohol abuse, or have other cognitive, physical and/or medical challenges... These children are often eligible for a monthly adoption subsidy and Medicaid... Placement fees will be waived or dramatically reduced for the adoption of children with special needs and will be discussed on a case-by-case basis. We will not have fees be a barrier to the adoption of children with special needs. This program is open to all couples and singles through the United States.

Now take a look at the same agencies requirements for the AA infants:

"so and so" adoption agency believes that infants in need of adoption be placed immediately after birth into permanent adoptive homes, rather than having them enter the foster care system.

Today there is a need to identify couples and singles interested in the adoption of African American infants. "so and so" adoption agency will consider couples and singles of all races who reside in New York State,..."

Notice also there is no mention of waived fees or government subsidies.

Now, let's take a look at the parent profiles shall we?

1. Families who are open to an African American infant: 55
2. Families open to a biracial child (CC/AA): 85

3. Families who are open to a child with mental health disorders in the family: 61

4. Families open to a child with emotional mental health disorders:26

Keep in mind these special needs do not cause short term life expectantly or profound mental retardation.

How many CC families have we seen on the forums waiting years for a CC child?

The truth of the matter is most of the families that are waiting years are mostly open to only healthy Caucasian infants. Any child, whether is a healthy white 9 year old, a healthy black baby or a unhealthy white infant ARE CONSIDERED SPECIAL NEEDS and therefore all equally difficult to find adoptive families for.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by loveajax

I'm also not so sure (depending on the agency/geography) that an AA child would "come up" first. Our agency said that they had historically had very few AA women place through them and that it was sort of uncommon at all in our state.

I was told the exact opposite Love Same state different agency...some of it is also who and where the agency chooses to advertise and network I think...my social worker since we've had Ty has done about 10 surrenders (she was always a little put out we didn't wait for one of her situations, so now she e-mails me and tells me when they have a situation, minority or otherwise She's also trying to get us to go private again). I would say 80%-90% of the surrenders she has e-mailed me about are AA. She's had to network with families in surrounding states because all the families that she had open to AA were matched except a few same sex couples and the bmom's weren't open to that...minority babies ARE available here. She even had to encourage one bmom to take a baby home and she would take surrenders later because she was calling around to other agencies asking if they had anyone available that was interested in AA babies. We went out of state mostly for cost reasons...

**she's done more than 10...I glanced at my spread sheet that was keeping track of the number that she has done surrenders on that were in our fee range...THAT was 10. Sorry. Yes I have a spreadsheet. In all, I have about 20 spreadsheets that are adoption related

[nickchris]

That was my understanding and experience too aclee.

[loveajax]

Sleeplvr, I am really angry that that happened to you. Not only for your sake but for the woman who wanted to place her baby with you. So what the heck did the agency tell this woman ...that YOU backed out? How else could they justify this....horrible! I'm just glad that your daughter was placed with you shortly thereafter.

Aclee, my agency has been wrong about a lot of things so I'm not surprised to hear that your agency said something different!

[Vogi2002]

It kills me that AA kids are being compared to a special needs child. Gees. Is one better than the other?? NO!! BUT we all know that a child with a history of mental issues / drug use in utero could have psychological and physical issues. An AA child just has black skin. I'm not sure how they compare....

I for one did not mention about a couple adopting a CC special needs child. If that was the case, no I would not be offended. BTW - a LOT of the AA I have spoken to that were informed of the need for AA homes for children DID say they would be offended if a couple chose to adopt a CC child ONLY (some even said that it's odd they would even be open to CC if they knew of the HUGE amount of demand for them). SO. It is offensive to many in the AA society...not all...but most of whom I have spoken to. They had no issue with the football player considering it was a friend of a friend type thing.

Again...I think that it's neat to see adoption out there and racial divides conquered for this particular situation, I'm just speaking of in general.

[sbaglio]

That's anecdotal. I have an anecdote as well. We are friends of a couple who used our agency who had the exact opposite happen to them. The bmom was CC, and she said that the baby was biracial, which is what the couple wanted. The baby turned out to be CC. Their son is now 3 years old. The issue of taking him away from them never came up.

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Once again... no one has officially stated the baby's race.

I've adopted twice... once from the foster care system and once through a private agency so I've have a little experience with how AA families are treated and what is expected. For example the private agency we used I asked what would happen if a biracial situation turned into a CC situation. I was told we would never get that baby. And sure enough we did have a situation with a baby born where there was discussion over the baby's race. The CC bmom selected us because she wanted an AA family...we wanted him but because of his coloring they thought he might be CC... they found another family. You know what... I wasn't going to fight it. A few weeks later we got DD. I was kind of ticked over the whole situation but I let it go.

[Sleeplvr]

Sohmakum

I was a foster parent... you don't have to run the rules of the game to me. LOL We've had special needs kids in our home before...true special needs and the race based special needs.

We got a healthy baby from the foster care system and a healthy one through a private adoption. And for what it's worth my DS is the only child we've ever had in our home that has a black mother and father.

Now as far as that situation that was yanked from us... It was totally surreal. We got the call... then we got another call after the interim care mom found out we were AA and wanted to visit the baby. My SW then sent pictures of the baby because of the question. I still have the pictures of the baby. What I find tacky about the whole situation is that they made the bmom think she didn't know who the father was when she was 100% right. I think I still have the email with the interim care mom's comments about the baby's appearance. She talked about his hair being straight when wet then curling up when it was dry. The baby was only 2-3 weeks old...what was he supposed to look like? Just because this baby didn't look like the other biracial babies she had before she thought she was some sort of expert. The interim care mom called the director and pressed the issue so that's why we were out. They gave new profiles for the bmom to look at and that was that. The whole thing should have been left up to bmom and us but it wasn't. In a matter of a few short days we went from you have a baby waiting to nothing.

[Sleeplvr]

We requested only baby born situations so we shouldn't have been put in any situation where something like this could have happened. I think it is harder for agencies to interfere in a prebirth match if the adoptive parents are picking the baby up from the hospital.

Originally Posted by sbaglio

That's anecdotal. I have an anecdote as well. We are friends of a couple who used our agency who had the exact opposite happen to them. The bmom was CC, and she said that the baby was biracial, which is what the couple wanted. The baby turned out to be CC. Their son is now 3 years old. The issue of taking him away from them never came up.

[Vogi2002]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Now as far as that situation that was yanked from us... It was totally surreal. We got the call... then we got another call after the interim care mom found out we were AA and wanted to visit the baby. My SW then sent pictures of the baby because of the question. I still have the pictures of the baby. What I find tacky about the whole situation is that they made the bmom think she didn't know who the father was when she was 100% right. I think I still have the email with the interim care mom's comments about the baby's appearance. She talked about his hair being straight when wet then curling up when it was dry. The baby was only 2-3 weeks old...what was he supposed to look like? Just because this baby didn't look like the other biracial babies she had before she thought she was some sort of expert. The interim care mom called the director and pressed the issue so that's why we were out. They gave new profiles for the bmom to look at and that was that. The whole thing should have been left up to bmom and us but it wasn't. In a matter of a few short days we went from you have a baby waiting to nothing.

Okay this is so stupid. Truley, ridiculous. both my full AA very dark children's hair was straight at 2 weeks old. Now it is very kinky, thick, luscious, but all AA hair. Basing it on that early is so stupid. It doesn't matter, a BR child is Black and white, not 1/2 and 1/2, nor do looks add to or take away from their "blackness".

I'm going to be sick. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

That's anecdotal. I have an anecdote as well. We are friends of a couple who used our agency who had the exact opposite happen to them. The bmom was CC, and she said that the baby was biracial, which is what the couple wanted. The baby turned out to be CC. Their son is now 3 years old. The issue of taking him away from them never came up.

How are they certain the baby is CC? I have seen VERY light skinned BR children... Just wondering...