[aclee]

Originally Posted by Vogi2002

I have mixed reactions to the story to tell you the truth.

Transracial adoption, to me, is a "last resorts" of such FOR THE CHILDREN. Not to say we as CC parents are any less parents, but the children will face difficulties in thier lifetime brought on because of the fact. I don't think any of us can disagree with this, and we are not naive enough to say it isn't true. I am not saying that they are going to have bad childhoods or anything of the sort. I just fully realize that I cannot give him everything they need in terms of race, which is why it will good for him to grow up with postive AA role models.

Adoption shouldn't be about the parents, it's should be about the children, so if there ARE plenty of good homes for this child with it's same race...should we explore those options first in order to prevent these hardships? Is it fair to the child to put them in a home with a vastly different culture when it is not needed? I don't know...I don't know the answers to these questions.

I think there IS some truth to those who say children should go to homes of thier same race. Not because the parents won't love the children enough, or anything, but because of the children. Because it will be harder for them in terms of racial identity in most cases. I see why they say that, but right now there isn't enough Hispanic, AA, etc homes availabe in private adoption for that to be made possible.

I am on the fence, and must admit I see good and a little bad with this story, though I see how it was a "friend of a friend" adoption.

BUT they are a beautiful family, and they show race matters very little when it comes to the love for your child. I think that is positive & in the end it's not my place to judge!

I've stayed away from this topic till now...

I agree with Vogi... Because it was a friend of a friend adoption, I get it. If they had sat and waited for a CC infant, not so much. There are plenty of us out here fighting what we see as a fight to show others that these AA babies are just as good as CC babies, and they still make us a family etc. So if an AA couple waited on a list (especially a high profile AA family like this one) to adopt a CC baby, I would be outraged! I think that would demonstrate that everything we say isn't true and that CC babies are prefered, especially if you have wealth and power. BUT that wasn't the case here, and I was happy to see that! They are a beautiful family

[loveajax]

But what if they waited on a list and said they were completely racially open and they were matched first with a CC child....Would that be a problem? Do they have some different "obligation" as AAs to adopt only an AA child? Wouldn't it be a "postive" for the world of TRA for a white emom to say I think these black parents are best for my child? I know I would be up in arms if a black couple who wanted to be was not presented to a white emom....Just thinking aloud.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by loveajax

But what if they waited on a list and said they were completely racially open and they were matched first with a CC child....Would that be a problem? Do they have some different "obligation" as AAs to adopt only an AA child? Wouldn't it be a "postive" for the world of TRA for a white emom to say I think these black parents are best for my child? I know I would be up in arms if a black couple who wanted to be was not presented to a white emom....Just thinking aloud.

Nope...we could have ended up with a CC child. We were open to any race too If they waited for a CC child (let's face it, they wouldn't wait long either) I would be upset. Even though it shows diversity all around...these specific people wouldn't be making the statement they would hope to make...*I* don't think. I think they would be making the statement that if you are famous and wealthy and can get a CC kid, that's what you prefer...

[loveajax]

No, they definitely wouldn't wait long, would they...they are gorgeous, young and oh yeah...rich!

I keep thinking about his freaking body, btw. He is so hot!

[nickchris]

Good point Sleeplvr, regarding the uneducated public. I found that the as that I knew or bumped into thought foster care was the only way to adopt children. I also read another post or two that attempted to clarify both the article in general, and a few facts or unknown facts, about the child's racial background.
I also see where the feelings are coming from regarding there already being a market for the more desired cc baby/child. Go back in history, and it is understandable. Things are changing, but Obama is not president yet. lol
Loveajax, lol I get what you are saying, but a few of us went through that round, and it only stirs up issues.
In general it depends on the situation, and each person knows exactly why they chose to go the route of which race. In the long run, it's between the emother/parent, and the adoptive couple to make that decision. Hopefully, the child will come out with the best upbringing.

[Vogi2002]

I think the reverse racism role can't be played here. There IS a difference because there is a need for families open to AA children. So yes, it seems very odd that seeming how most agencies NEED families open to AA children that an AA couple wouldn't choose to adopt an AA child. (I know this isn't the case..just speaking here).

Most eparents choose families that are the same racial makeup of the child. Most AA emom's first choice are an AA family, most CC families would choose a CC family.

Again, I am not saying that transracial families aren't a huge blessing...

[Sohmakun]

What if an AA family was ONLY open CC child with extreme medical needs? What would you guys think about that? In the eyes of the adoption agency a healthy AA child and a CC child with medical needs are both just as difficult to place.

I'm thinking "well society doesn't chastise CC families when they want only healthy AA infants (especially when you are not guaranteed a healthy biological child) so why chastised a AA family for wanting a not so healthy CC child? Some CC families saw transracial adoption as their first and only choice so isn't only fair for us AAs to have choices too? This family isn't asking for a healthy CC baby"

Opinions please!

[Sleeplvr]

So what is wrong with adopting ANY medically fragile child? If any race of medically fragile child is hard to place why be so specific about race? A agency will be asking you that question. Frankly I'm curious...

[sbaglio]

Welcome back! Sounds like you had fun in Paris!

Your post held my thoughts exactly. We were open to any race/ethnicity (though I hesitated about the possibility of adopting a CC child precisely because of the issues this thread is addressing...but I've evolved!). DH is Hispanic but looks CC for all intents and purposes, but even if he was AA, if a CC bmom pregnant with a CC child had picked our profile, could we in all good conscience say NO?? We wanted to be parents!

It sounds like a double standard to say that AA parents must be open to AA kids first, and others second, whereas CC parents can be open to whomever they wish. I think we have to distinguish between the foster care system (where there is a great need for aparents, who select the child they want to adopt), and infant adoption (where the bmom selects the aparents she wants to parent her child).

If you're open to race, you're open to race, with no caveats, in my opinion. Someone else can carry the "Black" cross - we'll do what we feel is right for our family, regardless of our race/ethnicity.

Originally Posted by loveajax

But what if they waited on a list and said they were completely racially open and they were matched first with a CC child....Would that be a problem? Do they have some different "obligation" as AAs to adopt only an AA child? Wouldn't it be a "postive" for the world of TRA for a white emom to say I think these black parents are best for my child? I know I would be up in arms if a black couple who wanted to be was not presented to a white emom....Just thinking aloud.

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

So what is wrong with adopting ANY medically fragile child? If any race of medically fragile child is hard to place why be so specific about race? A agency will be asking you that question. Frankly I'm curious...

Maybe the love for the culture? Perhaps they live in a CC neighborhood and feel very comfortable being a transracial family? Or maybe they saw transracial adoption as a first choice like many CC families.

I personally believe it is racist for someone to say that AA parents should ALWAYS be open to an AA child. We should be allowed to choose which race we are open to just like CC families and the stigmas of transracial adoption in our communities need to be diminished.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

Welcome back! Sounds like you had fun in Paris!

Your post held my thoughts exactly. We were open to any race/ethnicity (though I hesitated about the possibility of adopting a CC child precisely because of the issues this thread is addressing...but I've evolved!). DH is Hispanic but looks CC for all intents and purposes, but even if he was AA, if a CC bmom pregnant with a CC child had picked our profile, could we in all good conscience say NO?? We wanted to be parents!

It sounds like a double standard to say that AA parents must be open to AA kids first, and others second, whereas CC parents can be open to whomever they wish. I think we have to distinguish between the foster care system (where there is a great need for aparents, who select the child they want to adopt), and infant adoption (where the bmom selects the aparents she wants to parent her child).

If you're open to race, you're open to race, with no caveats, in my opinion. Someone else can carry the "Black" cross - we'll do what we feel is right for our family, regardless of our race/ethnicity.

I agree with you. If we were CC we could asked for any race and that's fine but bacause we are AA we're suppose to only adopt AA first?

Sbagilo - Do you think we think differently because we are in interracial relationships?

[Sleeplvr]

Supply and demand is the rule of the game. The reality is that there are more homes needed for AA kids. We are not talking about people who are open to any race and takes the first child who comes along. The sticking point for me is AA's who are willing to pass over AA kids to get a different race when most likely they will be presented an AA child first. How many CC families have we seen on the forums waiting years for a CC child? I find it hard to believe that an AA family will hop, skip and jump ahead of all the CC families waiting in a normal agency situation. I think people tend to get this reverse situation twisted... like CC mom's carrying CC baby's are looking for AA's families in large numbers. That is not the case.... so I really don't get the point that is trying to be made.

Believe me... agencies can and will refuse to show AA families to CC emom's carrying CC babies. Why add to that already high pile of profiles? What is the average now...200 waiting families per CC infant?

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by SupaModel

Sbagilo - Do you think we think differently because we are in interracial relationships?

I think that's it precisely...I didn't want to mention you in my earlier post, but I thought you might write soon enough! When you're in an interracial or interethnic (is that a word??) relationship, these issues are not so cut and dry.

[lisa in venice]

Originally Posted by Vogi2002

I think the reverse racism role can't be played here. There IS a difference because there is a need for families open to AA children. So yes, it seems very odd that seeming how most agencies NEED families open to AA children that an AA couple wouldn't choose to adopt an AA child. (I know this isn't the case..just speaking here).

Most eparents choose families that are the same racial makeup of the child. Most AA emom's first choice are an AA family, most CC families would choose a CC family.

Again, I am not saying that transracial families aren't a huge blessing...

Couple of things from our experiences and observations:

When we were in the search for kidlet #4 we were specifically looking for Black and Biracial kids (being a Biracial couple and knowing the need for families open to that). Well three times we were offered full CC infants and the baby we did end up with I am not entirely sure that her birth father was AA. The fact that we wanted an open adoption and had experience with some more difficult adoption situations made us attractive to agencies that didn't have and AA children to place.

In our foster adopt support group there were two families who were only open to adopting teens. They LOVED kids that age and had a special knack for dealing with many of the issues that teens in fostercare came with. Over the years between them I think they had adopted like 10 kids. Both couples were AA and about half of the kids they adopted were CC or Hispanic. The fact was that folks who actively WANT teens is a very rare and special thing. Half of the teens in the system here in LA County are CC and I would imagine it is very hard to find families to take them. Finding families that not only want teens but have a successful track record of completing adoptions with teens is like finding gold. I doubt matching race was upper most in the SW minds when they placed these kids transracially.

Lastly with open adoptions and more and more families matching themselves sometime you have situations where birth parents choose families and race is not an issue. I suspect Miranda's birth mom choose us and fudged about Miranda's heritage. I know a AA couple here in LA who that happened to. They are the proud parents of two little towheaded children. Lastly kid's race is not always apparent when they are babies. My older dd who is easily identified as AA now was not at all identifiable as a newborn. Oh and BTW Nicole Richie is not CC. Another example of how race is not always so easy to tell.

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Supply and demand is the rule of the game. The reality is that there are more homes needed for AA kids. We are not talking about people who are open to any race and takes the first child who comes along. The sticking point for me is AA's who are willing to pass over AA kids to get a different race when most likely they will be presented an AA child first.

Agreed.

How many CC families have we seen on the forums waiting years for a CC child? I find it hard to believe that a AA family will hop, skip and jump ahead of all the CC families waiting in a normal agency situation. I think people tend to get this reverse situation twisted... like CC mom's carrying CC baby's are looking for AA's families in large numbers. That is not the case.... so I really don't get the point that is trying to be made.

The point being made is that each emom has her own reasons for choosing who she wants to parent her child. Obviously (I think), most AA emoms are looking for one or two aparents who are black/AA. But to assume that they are all thinking that way is taking a giant leap. There are many CC aparents on these boards parenting kids of color, and I doubt that they were all the last choice after the AA parent pool ran dry.

Believe me... agencies can and will refuse to show AA families to CC emom's carrying CC babies. Why add to that already high pile of profiles? What is the average now...200 waiting families per CC infant?

I agree with your point about agencies refusing to show AA families to CC emoms, especially if there is a different fee charged for adoptions of children of color. And no, I don't think there are large numbers of CC babies looking for AA families. But there are some - look at the story this thread is about. You don't think that CC emom could have found a CC couple to parent her child? She wanted DeMarcus and his wife to adopt the baby, and they're far from being CC.