[GoVikes]

I think I'd like to start searching for my bmom/family. Thankfully, I had a stable, loving childhood. Today, my amom and I still have a very good relationship, and I keep in regular contact with my brother as well.

I'm quite fearful of broaching the subject with my amom, because even though she's told me in the past that she would support me no matter what my decisions were regarding my adoption, I know she'd be hurt and worried.

I have an 18 month old son who she hardly gets to see that often anyway (we live several states away). I can only imagine how she'd feel if she suddenly thought she had to share her beloved granson with a bmom/grandmother. Heck, she's already sort of in competition with the in-laws, bless her heart

This is, of course, assuming I ever found, made contact and had a successful reunion with bmom.

I know this is a lot of "ifs", but I can't think of how to go about this without hurting the person who's loved and supported me my whole life.

I'd really appreciate hearing from other adoptees or amoms out there. What about your feelings, amoms?

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Well, my daughter is only 10 months old, but I definitely hope she can have a relationship with her birth mom (birht father doesn't want any kind of contact or relationship). We are in an open adoption, but it's been kind of rocky, to say the least. Not sure what will happen in the future, but I think it's very important for her to know everything; as much as she wants to anyway.

I guess what I am trying to say is, It sounds like you have a wonderful family and you are afraid of hurting their feelings, but hopefully they will understand. Tell them the exact same stuff you wrote in this thread and I'm sure they will!

Good luck and let us know how it all goes!

p.s. Are you a Vikings fan?

[Saya]

Hi GV!

Well my daughter is only 2 and I'VE been trying to find her b-mom and open our adoption, so I'm not exactly in your mom's position. But if I were, I think I would want to hear from the reasons for your search, and to hear from your lips that I am not being replaced. I think some a-moms respond badly to a search because they feel they are being superceded as your mom, or because they are afraid that finding your b-mom with somehow become more important then your life with the family you grew up with. I think by having a loving and open conversation with your mom about this you should be able to asuage her concerns. And who knows - she could surprise you and be 100% supportive from the start!

Good luck with your search!!

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Okay, so Jillian you said exactly what I was trying to say, but mine just didn't come out as well....

[c.a]

I will know that I was a successful parent to my ason if he comes to me at whatever age and says "I'm thinking about searching for my birth family. What do you think, mom?"

I don't want him to wonder. I don't want him to worry about hurting my feelings. I want him to feel comfortable and confident telling me about his thoughts and feelings about his history.

[elledarcy]

In the back of her mind, your mom has known this day was coming, so I'm sure she's prepared herself for it (and maybe even possibly expects that you'll want to search now that you're an adult and have a child).

You just have to be honest with her and let her know that you've decided to try to search for your bmom. You may also say that you'd like her help and support (such as if she had anymore information that might help you in your search). While it's very kind for you to take your mom's feelings into consideration, in the end, searching out your bfamily is really about you and not her and I'm sure she will realize this and be there for you during this process.

Best of luck!

[mn125]

A Vikings fan in Maryland? cool beans! me too!

......sending you a link in your PM for a website that has a letter from an adoptee to the aparents - telling them about search. hope you can use it to help 'script'.

Have you considered adoption search and support groups? I belong to a great group! I'd be glad to pass on that info too.

[GoVikes]

Thanks all, this has been helpful! I'd love recommendations for any good support groups. I'm guessing that this could be a stressful time, even if it's good stress.

Yep, I'm a hearty Vikings fan. Just saw them beat the Ravens this past Saturday. Go Vikes!

[mn125]

Originally Posted by GoVikes

Just saw them beat the Ravens this past Saturday. Go Vikes!

lol......i was there too