[tinazimm]

This might sound strange but I am in an open adoption 17 yrs now and placed with no regretts. My birth daughter has great parents and we had great communacation throw the whole 17 yrs of our open adoption. I saw her grow up throw pictures, letters and visits when she became older. So is it strange when I look at all her baby pictures and reread all the letters sent to me 17 years worth and I saved everything I still feel jealious. Becouse I was not the one to see her frist smile and hear her frist words I saw it throw pictures and letters which I am so greatful to her parents for. But throw the pictures I saw what I was missing. I am a mom to two other little girls 7 and 13 and I got to experance them as infants so that I always will have. I feel I am healed but I find it strange that I still feel a pain in my heart when I look at her infant pictures. Does that shound strange? Tina

[loveajax]

Not at all!!! My DD's birth mom tells me that she keeps all the pictures of DD and loves to look at them again and again. I know she feels sad about not raising DD (though she has told me that she thinks it was the best decision at the time). Not raising your child is a loss even if you don't regret the decision to place her for adoption. I think (this is a gross generalization) that people think birth parents in OA have it "easier," but I frankly think it can be just as hard and certainly doesn't erase the pain of relinquishment (I obviously don't know this personally, just a "guess" on my part). Hang in there!

[mommy3]

Your responses to photos sound like both of our children's birthmothers talking to me. "I love that s/he is your child; I want you to be their mom -- but sometimes it just hurts me when I think about it or see a photo of them. I only want them there, but does that make sense?"

I also want to share that as a mom of three (one bio, two through adoption), I also hurt sometimes, missing them as babies and remembering their beautiful selves at different ages. I'd say your birthmother pain and your mother pain is right there, as every good mother will feel. I'm sorry that it hurts to not have been able to "be there" but your love for your child is felt by her adoptive family every day, I am sure. susan