[feelingreyt]

I have to put my boys in daycare for the first time ever. My oldest ds will be 4 in Oct. and my baby will be a year old Sunday. My dd is 8 yrs old and she never went to daycare. I feel guilty and so many other emotions that I just can't explain. This is really freaking me out.
My dh owns his own business and my dad has always worked in the office. I would go in on Friday's to do payroll and the major paper work. I have also worked part time for H&R Block during tax season(10-20 hrs a week max). My dh kept the kids the nights I worked for Block and my sister kept them on Fridays.
My dad is unable to continue working due to various reasons and my sister now has a 40 hr week job.
I went to 2 different Daycare's and talked to 2 women that care for children in their home. I feel really good about 1 of the daycare's and have decided to take the boys there. However, I still have concerns. I worry they won't get the attention they need and deserve. I worry about their safety. I worry about germs. I worry too much, lol, I honestly could go on and on. I'm truely feeling panicky over this whole situation. I pray I don't have a panic attack when I take them Monday. I am near tears already.
Any and all advice would be so appreciated. I need all the encouragement I can get.

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

My aunt had to put my cousin into daycare when my cousin was 3 or 4 (I don't remember exactly), and my cousin LOVED it. It really helped prepare her for school -- the transition to kindergarten was much easier for her than it had been for her older sister who had never been in daycare.

As for the germ issue -- I work as a supervisor and am constantly dealing with employees who have to miss work because their child is sick and the daycare won't take them (this happens even for colds and such). So, it seems that daycares are generally very vigilant about minimizing the spread of communicable diseases.

[danhanan]

I did daycare in my home for 26 years. I still do it very part time. I have been slowly working my way out of it over that last year. I have two children left that still need before and after school care and school vacation care. Just a couple of suggestions for you. Our state has a website that you can go to and check for any violations. You can also ask the elementary schools about them. I always had a good relationship with our school and they knew the kids I cared for and knew from the kids that we had they enjoyed coming here. Most importantly though, talk to your kids daily and let them tell you about their day and stop by randomly. I wouldn't do the latter too often as it can be difficult for them to have you leave again, but if you stopped by with a special treat for them (and of course enough for all of the kids) such as special bakery cookies or watermelon on a hot day, that can make it a bit easier. If that's too difficult, try picking them up early from time to time . I would usually try to have the kids somewhat prepared to be picked up at the specified time, but if you pop in unexpected you get a better feel for how they are fitting in or being cared for. Your little one is at that age where there might be a few bouts of separation anxiety. This is much harder on the parent than anyone else and perfectly normal. Your 4 yr old is going to be your best gauge for now.
Good luck, it's not easy but they will be fine. Just trust your instincts.

[Whirled_Peas]

I feel so bad for you. I can't imagine how hard this is.

I hope I can calm your fears about germs. First, your kids WILL get sick A LOT. But that's okay. It will strengthen their immune systems. Children who are in daycare have less asthma and allergies because they are sick so often. Remember, a bored immune system in a dangerous immune system. (This is why I took my crawling son to story time at the library all winter. He'd get over a cold, we'd go to story time, he'd get sick, and we'd start all over again. It cam be difficult to live with, but it is a good thing.)

If you're going to send your kids to school (versus homeschooling,) they will likely miss less school because of the daycare experience.

Good Luck

[feelingreyt]

Thanks so much for all the advice. This is going to be very hard. Probably even harder than when my dd started Kindergarten! And that was just horrid. She did MUCH better than I did, LOL!
Actually, I almost talked myself out of sending them to daycare. My dh and I talked about the possibility of making a play area in the office for them. That would actually work, but I just don't know if they would enjoy that, ya know? Plus, lunch time would be difficult to say the least. Ofcourse, I could bring them home for lunch, we only live about a mile from work. I just wonder how sane I will be trying to juggle it all. There are so many pros and cons to weigh. I think what might be best is to try the daycare for 1 week and see how the boys adjust. Does this sound reasonable to you all? If they are miserable(ok, if I can't handle it) then we can always just make them a play area in the office.
Why does everything have to be so hard?
To top it off, we are dealing with my MIL. She has cancer and is not doing well at all. She always said that the kids would never have to be in daycare if I had to work full time because she would keep them. This is breaking her heart, I'm sure. She is in very bad shape and I could not leave them with her for a moment, much less all day. This is all just overwhelming.
Thanks for letting me vent.....And thanks again for the replies and advice! I really appreciate it.

[JPDakota]

First of all, your anxiety is normal. The kids will only be anxious if you are. I think that kids in a daycare/pre-school are very socialized by the time they get to kindergarten. That's an advantage for them. They also will get stimulated by lots of activities at daycare and it would be hard for you to do that while working. My 3 year old DD has been to the zoo, a splash park and bumper bowling THIS WEEK! She's in pre-school, but in the summer they do other activities. Also, she gets to play outside every day if the weather is good, and you know how important that vitamin D is.
One suggestion to assuage your fears - can the kids go to daycare half days the first week? We even did that when we moved and had to find a new daycare for DD. DD didn't really care, but it made us feel better.
Good luck. You'll be fine.

[mommy3]

As a mom who works outside of our home, I was able to be home with my children (and share care part time with my family) for a year with each of my children, then they needed to have care by someone else during the day at about a year. Interestingly, I found that they really loved being with other children. Yes, I investigated the heck out of my decision about WHO would care for my children. Yes, they cried sometimes. And yes, when I came to get them at the end of the day they'd made new friends, had fun and also needed huge hugs. I do have to say that I had to be strong the first week (and with my dd, the first 3 mos!) so that they'd adjust better. I also learned that if I stayed longer, they'd cry just as much when I left. After we got there, I'd take 5-10 min. max for them to settle in, trying to get them involved in an activity, and then give them a warning that I'd be leaving soon. A few tears would often come then and again when I left, but always when I called back, the tears had ended within a minute or so. The social part of their little lives can be so supported by the right child care and preschool, so I'm hoping that is your experience. My children came to love, truly adore, their teachers -- sometimes I almost got jealous! he he. Best of luck -- if you are strong and clear that this will be a good day for them, your children will adjust, and so will you. susan

[Cjmeck]

The good thing is that they will be going together! And I assume your 4yo is verbal and will alert you to any problems... Still, I know how you feel. I stayed home with my son and finally sent him to preschool a few mornings a week when he was 3.5yo. I was a WRECK. He, on the other hand, happily ran off to play and never looked back me! I was a crying, hysterical mess on my way out the door... I intended to do some shopping while he was there, but instead I ended up in the Kohl's bathroom throwing up I was so distraught. Yikes! I sound like a pyscho! My best advice I can give you is to smile, be happy, QUICK hug and kiss, look behind ONCE to wave goodbye and then run out the door. Cry when you get to the car; just don't let them see you upset or worried. I really expected the worst with my son, thinking he'd miss me and cry the whole time. But he was far more ready than I was. I hope you find the same to be true with your kids.
HUGS!

[mommy3]

I wanted to add a definition of "good parenting" that I created along the way that shares how difficult it is to parent sometimes. . . Good parenting is helping your children do things you're not ready for them to do, but they are! susan

[feelingreyt]

Thanks again everyone for your insight. And yes, Cjmeck, I will probably be throwing up myslef, LOL!! I will not let the kids see that though!
Actually, we have been really talking it up with our oldest son. He seems to be really looking forward to it.
I like the idea of just half days at first. I think I will try that. And I will most definately pop in every now and then early to pick them up. That's another great idea!
My Ped's nurse is the one who referred me to this lady, so I'm sure that they are very good, yet as a mom, I still worry. Please keep me and the boys in your thoughts and prayers Monday. It will be hard for me to not show how upset I am about leaving them, but I know that is what I'm going to have to do. I am prepared for that part of it atleast.
Thanks again everyone!