[KSC0917]

Well, our adoption journey is over...for the time being.
Our emom has backed out on us. She still is planning on giving the baby up for adoption but has decided that my husband and I are placing far too many demands on her & she just can't handle it.
The "demands" we are placing on her are that we will not allow her to put "unknown" for the father on the birth certificate and we are requiring TPR for him (obviously! It's his right! It's the law!).
She KNOWS the father is her ex-boyfriend but she lied to him & said she had miscarried b/c his parents had expressed a desire to raise the baby...they are both minors. Her parents are backing her up 100% in continuing the lies and have even told DH and I lies in an effort to convince us to let her put unknown on the birth certificate. Our attorney even contacted her to let her know of the legal rights the ex-boyfriend has but she doesn't care! She feels like we are being ridiculous & that if we REALLY wanted a baby we would do things her way...immoral/unethical/illegal or not!
She feels like we are not taking her feelings into consideration & are only thinking of ourselves. HUH?? We are not buying a car here!! This is a CHILD!!
I'm sure she has found another couple who will adopt the baby and this time she will not divulge so much information to them i.e. the name of the father. So this poor unknowing couple is being set up for a contested adoption if the father finds out she actually IS pregnant.
Sorry, I'm ranting...I really just wanted to thank all of you for you support. I have learned SO much from all of you and wish you all best of luck in your journeys. As for now, DH and I are just taking a break. Maybe we will try the IVF route? I don't know. I'm not sure I can handle another failed pregnancy. So far we have 3 years ttc, 3 miscarriages, 2 surgeries, 1 ectopic and now 1 failed adoption. Right now I am just feeling sorry for myself and need some time to figure out exactly what route to take to FINALLY create our family.
I will be back if we decide to pursue adoption again though.
Thanks again! and God Bless!

[finallyamom0310]

I am so sorry for you and your husband. I can just imagine your pain right now and fully understand your needing a break. Just remember that if you need us for anything, we are here for you.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I'm so terribly sorry for what you're going through right now. Sounds like you know, though, that this wasn't the right match for you. If you should choose to pursue adoption again, I'm sure you'll find the perfect situation.

[Stormster]

This wasn't a failed adoption it was a failed match and you should be relieved it did fail because it might have been a disaster for you!

If I had given up after my 2 failed matches, 1 failed placement and multiple scams I wouldn't have 22 pounds of pure love napping in the room next to me.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. Take a breathe but don't give up. Not if you want this which clearly you do.

Good luck

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by Stormster

This wasn't a failed adoption it was a failed match and you should be relieved it did fail because it might have been a disaster for you!

If I had given up after my 2 failed matches, 1 failed placement and multiple scams I wouldn't have 22 pounds of pure love napping in the room next to me.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. Take a breathe but don't give up. Not if you want this which clearly you do.

Good luck

Take the breath, cry for this baby, then follow your gut. Maybe this is happening so you get the pregnancy you really want. Maybe this is happening because YOUR baby is with someone else right now. Maybe...there are so many possibilities and I have found the answer is usually much greater than anything that could have imagined.

However, that is later. Right now just cry. I am very sorry you have to go through this. And remember, whatever child you do end up with, they will have parents that do the ethical, honorable thing no matter the personal cost. That is HUGE.

[SupaModel]

I'm so sorry!! This breaks my heart. I agree with Stormster. Don't give up if you really want this.

[KSC0917]

Thank you all for your kind words.
Dh and I REALLY want a baby so I am sure this is not the LAST you will hear from me. I think I just need a breather for awhile. This may sound stupid, but I feel like I had another miscarriage.
I have found that I am absoultely addicted to this website & up until this happened, I was checking back several times a day just to see what was new You are all such wonderful people. Who knows...maybe I'll turn into a "lurker" LOL!

[HappyTwinsMom]

This may sound stupid, but I feel like I had another miscarriage.

That's not stupid at all. When we had our failed placement, I felt like I'd suffered a death. I've never had a miscarriage so I can't compare it to that, but I think your feelings are absolutely normal.

Hang in there, lurk away, and come back when you're ready.

[Stormster]

My failed matches were probably almost as bad as my late term miscarriage. The failed placement was ten times worse.

This is very difficult stuff. When you start to feel a bit better you will see the big picture and come back here where you belong!

PS Don't let ANYONE minimize it.

[devildogwife]

So sorry to hear that! Please don't give up.

[4everwaiting]

Trying to create a family in one form or the other is sooo tough for some and easy for others...

Take a break, get a breather but please don't give up!

We hope to see you again soon!


S

[RobinKay]

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. You did the right thing.

Take your time to heal, and then search your heart to know what will be best for you and your dh.

[trixila]

Good job of knowing your limits and not backing down. Red flags are just that. Having said that, I did want to share my story about my experience. My daughter's birthmother refused to name the birthfather. Not even an option. It was a long term relationship and he was the father of her 4 yr old son. Yet his name was NOT going on the birth certificate. Is this what I wanted? No way! My son's birthfather was compliant and only wanted the best for his son. This adoption was different. Did we sweat out the months until finalization? You betcha. I am so sorry that you have to confront this. It can all be part of a domestic adoption. Both of our children were born to birthmothers who were older (25,35) and were already parenting children. Their maturity and knowledge about how much work it is to raise a child factored into their decision to place. You did the right thing for your family. I hope that you are able to reconcile this (sounds like you have). However, I would advise you not to give up the dream. Unlike treatment for infertility, adoption DOES work. Believe me, after multiple m/c's, IVFs, etc, we knew our kids were out there. Okay, we did not know at the time how darn hard we would have to work to bring them home. But we did. And they are great! You will be a better parent for all of the challenges you have weathered on this path. You may not feel that way today. Hang tough.

[portlowski]

You have set high ethical standards for yourself and the kind of adoption you are willing to enter into. May you be blessed with the right situation, and soon. There is a woman out there somewhere who will see your heart and choose to place her precious child with you because of these high standards, if you choose to continue on this path. I hope she finds you soon...

[manni28]

I wish you the best in journey to become a family.

-Manni28