[ProspectiveSingleMom]

For my application I had to complete a "SAFE" Questionairre about my relationships with my family and the home environment I grew up in. My parents have a LOT of issues (mental illness, poverty, substance abuse).

I am wondering if the issues of my family members may affect me in the adoption process. My family lives in another state, so it is not like my child would be seeing them on a regular basis. And I really think that having come from an less-than-ideal environment myself will help me to relate to a child who's had a rough start in life.

[Stormster]

Gosh I hope not! It would be crazy in my book to judge us for our families of origin (as if we had a choice). Most of us have SOMETHING like that in our families...SW might ask you about coping skills and if there are any existing issues. Focus on who you've become despite all that. That's what I would do.

[BrandyHagz]

If I am not mistaken, you are also Bipolar, correct? I think given your history and given your current dx, yes, you will likely face additional complications that someone without that background would face...

Will it make adopting impossible? Likely no. But you will likely have more steps to take to get there.

Like you, I have a strained (at best) relationship with my family. We're thousands of miles away...but my 'childhood' did require me to take additional steps to ensure I was 'fit' to parent a child, when we went thru the process to become licensed foster parents.

Do I resent it? Not so much the steps as the expense - but in the end, you do what you have to do.

Be open and honest - its all you can do.

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I am not overly concerned because I have gone through a LOT of self-reflection/personal growth work on all my issues as part of my counseling program (I was over half-way through a Master's degree program in counseling when I decided to take a break in order to pursue adoption). I actually learned about the SAFE assessment in one of my classes, but the version we used was designed for family counseling, so I just wondered what the adoption agency would use it for. I'm sure it's probably just a concise way to give the SW completing the homestudy an idea of where the person is coming from and what questions they should ask.

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

And yes, I do have bipolar disorder, as well as ADHD.

[qs mom]

During my homestudy it was mostly about how I was raised, what memories to I have of fun things we did, traditions, etc. And what did my parents do that I won't do. Type of discipline used. How do I feel about that? ETC.

But also there were questions regarding my support after adoption. I would think that if you can demostrate that you have a great support system outside of your family, you shouldn't too much.

[Celesyee]

I was raised by young parents who had substance abuse issues, domestic violence, and were physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to my brother and I. Domestic violence and substance abuse (and mental health issues from prolonged substance abuse) continue to be challenges in their and our lives. My Social Worker asked how I and my brother coped with my childhood; I completed psychological treatment so they needed a letter from my former therapist.

My parents are a 5-hour plane ride away and we see them maybe 1x-2x a year, but my Social Worker still wanted to assure that we can protect our children. My parents will NEVER be alone with Devin and when we visit California, we stay with my brother and sister-in-law.

Good luck!

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I do worry a little about the "support" issue because my friends are scattered around the state, but they are all VERY supportive and have been there for me thru thick and thin. Heck, I think they are even more excited about the fact that I'm adopting than I am! They might not be available for stuff like childcare, but they are definitely there for emotional support.

[cbrink7]

Originally Posted by ProspectiveSingleMom

I do worry a little about the "support" issue because my friends are scattered around the state, but they are all VERY supportive and have been there for me thru thick and thin. Heck, I think they are even more excited about the fact that I'm adopting than I am! They might not be available for stuff like childcare, but they are definitely there for emotional support.

You could also mention for support that you are going to join playgroups with other moms, maybe if you go to church? they could be a support system, etc. We do not have a lot of family or friends in the area now (we just moved like you ). We are about 2-3 hours away from my family and our friends, but it was not a problem at all! But I think mentioning that you are going to be (if you are ) joining groups like MOPS that is a great support system!

[qs mom]

I want to mention that it is a little different if you are single. I am single too. It was asked if I had to 'get away' from my child - because let's face it, it happens - what support do I have? Since I can't say to hubby 'I need to take a walk, keep an eye on the kids" they wanted to know what I would do. I have that support. I can call and have someone here in a reasonable time so that I can walk off some of the frustration. So citing someone in your area as support is a good idea.

[tweetybirdus]

If my home environment when I was a kid didn't stop me from adopting, I doubt you would have any issues. Just be honest about it and tell the social worker how you've dealt with it.

Good Luck

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I plan on adopting a school-age child, so I will get involved with the school as much as possible (PTA, etc.). I do need to work on getting back into church, though. Since moving, I have found a congregation near my home that I really like, but I haven't been going to services for a while. My goal at the moment is to start going to services more regularly, then see about joining. Because I strongly believe in the values that they teach, I would want my child to be exposed to that type of environment (though wouldn't force it if the kid weren't interested).

[qs mom]

The best advice so far as I see it, is be honest. When it comes to a homestudy, just be honest - they'll find out anyway.

My social worker told me that over and over. They would rather find out from you than through an investigation. She asked me repeatedly and told me this repeatedly.

My son's school called CPS to investigate possible neglect because my son had poop on his shoes a couple of times and on his hands once. They would make him change his clothes that he smelled. Well, the investigation was listed as "UNFOUNDED". I had to fill out a form for Church, asking have you ever been acused of, I filled it out yes, and explained. My mom told me just to say no since they didn't find anything. But if I did, they're going to check, and then want to know why I lied when there was nothing found.