[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by manni28

they want to be called ”mom/mommy/momma”;spend holidays, birthday and other special occasions with the child and have a "say" on how the child is raised.

I have yet to meet a birthmother in an open adoption who has felt entitled to any of these things unless the adoptive parents agreed to it before the adoption. There is a big difference between desiring to be with a child on his/her birthday and demanding it. I especially have not heard anyone demand a say in how the child is raised. While there are certainly birthmoms out there that overstep, it is a matter of adopting parents being clear about boundaries, not expectations on anyone's part on this forum that they aqueous.

And for the record. It is not your parenting choices I have issues with. It is your stereotyping of birthparents I have a problem with.

[manni28]

Brenda:

I'm not stereotyping ( I think?) I am basing it on what I have read here, IRL, and on other forums. Also, there are some bfamily members that DO feel entitled. Look how some( not all) of the bmoms were trying to bash me because of MY parenting choice! Like they know what’s best for my family better then me!

Like I said before:

We are the ones raising the child. You ( bmom) see the child 2-6 times a year. Even in an OA the child might not feel “comfortable” asking YOU questions as he/she would US ( his/her parents).

So after the visits and phone calls, WE have to deal with the “gritty” questions, and feelings of inadequacy, which can harm a child for life, not YOU!

What we are doing is looking out for our children and our family’s best interest.

Again, this post isn’t meant to be rude to people (amoms and bmoms) who have supported my decision.

For the record, you still haven't addressed the ramifications of bmom keeping the first born but not the second or third.And please don't tell me: "children are only confused as the parents; treat it as normal!"

[mom2zachy]

I'm confused (not that that isn't my usual state, but....).

Why do some of you feel that Manni is sterotyping all bmoms and OAs? She has consistently written "some", "not all", etc in her posts. What she's getting worked up about is when she feels people aren't listening to what she's saying, specifically the "some", "not all", etc that prefaces so many of her statements. Every time she says "some" bparents overstep or "some" OAs aren't healthy, somebody posts about how that's not true of them or the birthparents they know or that she's just plain wrong. But Manni isn't saying ALL anything. She's only saying SOME OA's can be negative and that factors into the decision(s) she makes as a parent.

I guess, to me, a parent looking at ALL the facts and then making a decision based on what they feel they can handle is just good parenting.

[sbaglio]

And I thought ferris wheels were circular...

[lahdh4]

Now all I feel is that I am being yelled at.

Is OA misrepresented. YES. Look at the media. Look at what is fed to us.

[SupaModel]

Oh my goodness i just read this thread and now my head hurts

Manni is it really worth it to keep explaining yourself? It's like fighting a losing battle. I've been there!!

[Stormster]

At least Fadzi came out to play.

[SupaModel]

I remember watching a story on dateline about adoption a few years back and they had this emom who was chosing from like 10 couples. She had all these demands like what name to use, visits, how much spending time with her, etc... and I remember thinking (IN HER CASE) well why doesn't she just raise her child herself! That at the time put me way off on domestic adoption and OA.

FYI - If your a bmom reading this I said IN HER CASE NOT ALL BMOM'S! Not really feeling like getting my words twisted and flammed.

[SuzBerg]

Stepping in as a mod here.

We all come from different backgrounds, different walks of life and different parts of the triad, therefore we all have different experiences. PLEASE realize that your situation is NOT the same as everyone else (or maybe anyone else) generalizations and stereotypical statements hurt everyone.

This is a topic that that a lot of people disagree on, but respect to those you disagree with is expected!

[BrandyHagz]

Someone want to PM me with what is going on? I have been busy today and I have no clue what you guys are talking about in regards to cross forum attacking.

Link me please.

Sorry guys...we can't be everywhere at once (thats what the report icon is for )

[BrandyHagz]

Ok, I deleted a bunch of posts because I deleted the post that created the nastiness on this thread (Respectful participation is REQUIRED not requested).

Ok - so if you had a post deleted - its because it referenced a post that was deleted for violation of our rules.



(Just trying to keep nice. Still waiting for a pm)