[JenC]

Sorry, I know that's worded strangely. Here's the deal - we live in Indiana, our agency is in Ohio and most, if not all, of the placements are in Ohio. We're about 45 minutes from the IN/OH line. Our son is 16 mo. now and has never spent the night away from us since coming home at 4 1/2 months old.

He's a creature of habit. He had some minor attachment issues at first, and now he sleeps in his bed or maybe his pack-n-play only, and only at our house or in the car. He napped ONCE at grandma's house, and that was a huge accomplishment. He might be ok away from us for a night or possibly 2, but neither of us feel like he would do well longer than that and that he would regress attachment wise.

We're planning on taking him with us to Ohio when we get the call. My original plan was for us to get as close to IN as possible after dismissal from the hospital that way Josh and DH could go home to sleep, then come back during the day. I thought it was a pretty good idea.

DH, however, hates the idea. He thinks we should stay in the city/town that the hospital is located so a Dr is available if needed. I can see his point, but I know Josh will sleep like crap and the new baby will wake him easily. I just picture 2 little ones being up all night and me being batty by day 3.

Ideas? Suggestions?

[mommamarci]

Sorry, not much advice. We left Cameron with my mom.

As for the doctor thing: with Cameron we did not even know where the hospital was at. (He was 10 days old when we met him.) With Spencer, we picked him up at the hospital and were told we could call them with questions, but to go to an urgent care of ER if we needed anything. So, if you stay in a town with an urgent care or ER, I would not let the doctor be an issue.

And, this is not set in stone. If you get there and Josh is not doing so well, you can move to a different hotel and change your plans. Or who knows, maybe you will get a call about a baby born very close and you won't have to worry about it!!!

[gigigeorge]

We are in the midst of a ICPC nightmare (just seems EVERYONE is on vacation) in California and we were told by both sets of attorneys that we could go anywhere in California as long as we did not step foot across the border with our new daughter. Lucky for us, my family is here so weve been traveling the state up and down. I wasnt all that jazzed about staying in the town that she was born in because its in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and now that we have been here going into our 4th week... Im glad that we were able to move around. If I have learned anything through the whole process (third time around) its to be flexible. We brought both our sons with us and they have been traveling with us as I didnt want them to miss out on this time too... its been very stressful but I wouldnt change it for the world because its also very wonderful...

sorry for the ramble... good luck !

gina.

[HansenFamAZ]

As the mom of four and having traveled/stayed in hotels with little ones with routines - my STRONG suggestion is stay as close to home as possible. Let your DH and son sleep at home and get good sleep. If not, DS may wake new baby and vice versa. You will all do better. =)

As long as you are near medical care, don't worry about being near where your little one is born. Most the time it's never the pediatrician that checked the baby out in the hospital that will see him/her again if there is a problem.

Best of luck!

[BR53]

My wife and I just completed an adoption in PA, and we live in NJ.

We didnt even stay in PA at all. A direct quote from the interstate office... "There is no one guarding the border."

Indiana and Ohio border one another just like PA and NJ. We went home and took the baby to our pediatrician, and just stayed. Our lawyer said it was fine without actually saying the words. We could have been back in PA in 45 minutes if needed.

Interstate has nothing to do with YOUR adoption. It started years ago when people would do interstate adoption, the couple would get back to their home state and decide they dont want the baby. They would then give the baby up in their home state, and the two states would argue as to who was responsible to pay for the baby.

The process simply transfers responsibliity from one state to another. It is a formality.

We did it and it was fine, I know about 10 others that also just went home and it was fine. I wouldnt do it if I lived in Arizona and adopted in NJ. But NJ/PA, Ohio/Indiana, its fine.

Just my thoughts.

[Fran27]

We stayed as close as possible to the border. Didn't want to get in trouble for crossing after going through so much to get our babies. It was just nice to be home in 30 minutes, as opposted to 2 hours, and we didn't like the idea of driving 2 hours at once with the babies in the car.

[minibus]

I would stay closer to the border with more resources that you are familiar with. I think that you could find a doctor close to there that you would be able to use. Keep in mind that if the baby needs to stay in a NICU, this might not be possible.

Honestly, BR53's story scares me. I guess I'm a rule-follower and I wouldn't want to jeopardize a placement for a couple of weeks' convenience. In our contract with the agency, there was very specific wording that said that if we didn't follow their rules, the agency had every right to take the children back from us, as long as it was before finalization. When we asked about what situations would apply, they specifically named not following the rules of ICPC.

[BR53]

I have only heard of one story about someone being repremanded for leaving the state. All that was done was they put their file on the bottom of the pile. They wont take your child.

I can understand wanting to follow the rules, we were nervous while it was going on too. I am speaking in hindsight.

[mommamarci]

Originally Posted by BR53

I have only heard of one story about someone being repremanded for leaving the state. All that was done was they put their file on the bottom of the pile. They wont take your child.

I can understand wanting to follow the rules, we were nervous while it was going on too. I am speaking in hindsight.

I would not be so sure. We worked with the agency Jen is working with. We were told several times by both the attorney and the agency that we were not to leave the state. They never said the baby would be removed from us, but they were adament we not leave. I would not take that chance. And, honestly, if things are still moving as quickly, it should be well under a week. Ours took 2 business days. Same states.

[Cjmeck]

I think your plan of staying near the border is what I would do. Our ds was 5.5yo when we adopted our dd and I didn't want to leave him either. So, our plan was going to be that after tpr my mom would bring my son to whatever state we were in. She would then stay there with me and the kids and dh would return home to work, if needed. I REALLY stressed out about this issue; it was the main reason we chose domestic instead of international; I just couldn't bear leaving my son for long. As fate had it, our dd's bmom lived in the same state as us; Ohio. Hoping you are blessed with the same luck. But if you do get stuck here, we're in the Dayton area and I'd be happy to help you with anything you need

[JenC]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts! I have to admit, I briefly thought "well, we could just come on home", but that lasted about 2 seconds.

DH still isn't totally sure, but I think you all just may help sway him to my side. I really think we'll be looking to stay close to IN.

[gigigeorge]

Ive been sitting in California waiting ICPC clearance for 4 weeks now and I have absolutely had thoughts of why not leave, how would anyone know. I asked my attorney (well both attorneys) and they said the same thing, we would absolutely lose our child if we violated the ICPC as it is considered Federal Child Traficcking to remove a child across state lines for the purpose of adoption without clearance. While it sucks to be going on 4 weeks and knowing that there is really no possible way for anyone to really know we left, the thought of losing my daughter and possibly my sons with a Felony charge and jail time keeps me here waiting...

gina.