[cupcake17]

Hi, Our son was born in March of this year. His birthmother, a college freshman, placed him for adoption b/c she is unable to care for him at this time in her life. We have an open relationship and see her about once a month. She will be going back to school in the fall and has mentioned to us ( never asked us directly) that no one in her family will co-sign a loan with her or help her out with paying for college. She needs to get a loan for under 5000.00. Being that she granted us the wonderful gift of life, we ( my hubby and I) feel like we should help her out by either giving her an interested free loan she can pay us back or by co-signing for her, but I'm not sure that's the right decision. Our we letting our emotions get the best of our decision making skills ?

[FlyNJ]

I am in the early stages of the adoption process so might not be as qualified to answer as some others here. But my first thought is that is a very large commitment on your end. Are you prepared to pay the entire amount of the loan without any hard feelings? Co-signing loans for friends and family is very tricky business and should never be taken lightly. It sounds to me that by asking the question you have enough hesitation that might warrant saying no.

The biggest problem with co-signing a loan for someone is that if she defaults the responsibility for the loan falls on your shoulders. Not only is that a financial burden, but is likely to be a strain on your relationship. I guess I would think twice, no matter who it was.

[SupaModel]

When money gets involved things get sticky.

$0.2

[hesabanana]

Money does complicate things. Why doesn't she qualify for guaranteed student loans that do not require a cosigner?

[HeidiK]

In some states - this is a violation of your adoption agreement - and IMO not a really good idea. Your heart is most certainly in the right place

[Fran27]

I know it's common for adoptive parents to feel a kind of guilt and that they need to 'make it up' to the birthparents somehow... but it's really not your role.

Just IMO.

[binkybear]

I agree with what all others here have said, money can complicate even the oldest and most "stable" relationships.

Yes adoption is a wonderful gift, but there was also a need (whatever it and the circumstances were)for placement. You and your husband in turn are giving another person (your bmom) the gift of knowing her child is where she chose.

Maybe do some research on your own regarding student loans, grants, etc that would work for her and then give that information to her once you have it all compiled. You'd still be assisting, but in a way that can't potentially harm or complicate your new relationship. Just my own thoughts on.

[jaspies11]

I know your heart is in the right place but I have always heard that you should never cosign for someone unless you are willing to foot the bill. It can lead to a lot of heartache in the end. I know someone that cosigned for a student loan. This lady is now having to pay because the individual that wanted her to cosign has not been making the payments. It can easily ruin your credit not to mention that you would be out lots of money in the long run. I would say that it wouldn't be worth the heartache.

[JustPeachy]

I'm a bmom and I would recommend not doing this. I'm also wondering why she cannot qualify on her own for a guaranteed student loan. Has she gone to her school's financial aid office and researched if she can apply for one? What about work study programs at the school or scholarships? A lot of colleges also have payment plans, or she can take one or two classes at a time, or work full time, finance her education and go part time, etc. There is also community college if money is an issue. It may not be what she really wants right now, but if she doesn't have the money to finance classes at a 4 year university, that might be her best option.

[Blessed2x.]

You are kind to even consider loaning the college money, but the best gift you can give the birthmother is to take great care of your child. This includes saving that money for your own child's college education.

Good luck!

[court5505]

I would NOT do this. It could potentially ruin the relationship. You don't "owe" it to her. You owe it to her to take good care of your son, that's it. Like someone else said, maybe you could help her by researching financial aid and student loans.

[BrandyHagz]

Agree with others, money complicates things. Once you start giving (to anyone, this isn't just a birth parent issue) it's hard to stop...as you're setting the expectation.

Help her find resources...

[Whirled_Peas]

Another point--if she stops making payments, you are responsible, but I don't think anyone sends you a notice that the payment is late, so then there's the risk the loan defaults and that goes on your credit record and you never knew it was happening. I don't know for sure that's what happens, but I think it does.

And, if she doesn't pay and you have to make the payments, how does that effect your relationship with her down the road. More importantly, how does that effect your child when you are more than frustrated with his bmom?

[lovemy2boys]

They always say that if you loan money to family and friends, you might as well consider it a gift because often times it doesn't get paid back...and you don't want to ruin a relationship because of it.

I agree with the others...doing the legwork on finding loans and things that she qualifies for would be a much greater help for her...

[ourdreamcametru]

I wouldn't get involved with a money situation but you could help her in finding student loans. Our son is starting college this fall and has a student loan that was not co-signed by anyone. My suggestion is to sit down with a financial officer at the school she will be attending and let them help her, they will walk her through hand and hand every step of the way. It might be good for you to go with her to ask questions that she might not know to ask. I know our son's loan is part in house and part through a lending company, he will pay the in house loan off during school and then start paying the lending company 6 months after graduating.