[mom2justynsarah]

I found this thread on another forum (City Data) and was appalled at what I read. I just wanted to share it with you. Do you think I should respond? Or do you think I am wasting my breath. Would you respond to such a loser?


http://pics3.city-data.com/forum/images/icons/icon1.gif Should I Care Or Shouldn't
"THIS HATRED I FEEL is not healthy. i need your opinions please:
my sister adopted an infant. she adopted that boy infant from the day it was born. i am the youngest of our family. she is the eldest. she has been like a mother and father to me although we were not orphans. our parents was just too busy with work making sure they feed all their 9 kids i guess. i am now in my 30s and living with her and this kid. i admit i don't like the way she is spoiling her adopted. i feel indifferent with this kid becoz i know he is adopted. and felt he does not have the right to be spoiled like the way she is spoiling him. what makes it hard is i see it and it makes me hate this boy more and more. this actually is the main reason why i wanna move out ASAP. and i intend to as soon as i pay my car in full so that would be 2 more years misery to me. as much as i wanna move out, i cant financially. and if i dont succeed i would just hate this spoiled adopted boy more and more becoz instead of me living with my sis he is the one mooching my sis and i honestly feel he does not have the right to. i need you to wake me up.. and possible realize why i have to feel this way. i dont like this hatred i feel. i really don't."

[BethanyB]

She sounds very ignorant and uneducated. But yeah, I'd give her a piece of my mind. The way she spells things and the way her tone is, she sounds younger than thirty. She sounds like a 17 year old kid.

[nikkianni]

Jealous, ignorant and by reading between the lines, a concern of violence. Those are my first impressions.

[MamaS]

But she also seems to know that her feelings are wrong. Clearly, she sees her oldest sister as the "mother" and she was the baby until the new baby came along. Sort of sibling jealousy. Maybe instead of attacking her, encourage her to go to counseling? If she is going to be living there for another two years, it would be better - and safer - if she were a happy "big sister/aunt" to the baby. Who knows, she might even bond a little!

[BethanyB]

It's one thing to be jealous of the baby and to ask for help on that but it's another saying the baby does not deserved to be spoiled because the child is adopted. This girl needs to know that is unacceptable.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Personally, I wouldn't bother justifying it with a response. She(?) sounds ignorant, uneducated and incredibly immature! To be in her 30's and jealous of a BABY???? How crazy is that?!

Sounds like she needs a healthy dose of reality...grow up, move out, get a job and focus on her own life instead of the life of her sister who should, by all rights, be able to enjoy her motherhood.

[JustPeachy]

I dunno. When I read the post, I thought it was written by a 12-14 year old who was jealous that the adopted child was getting all the attention. Then when I saw she mentioned she was in her 30s, my feeling was this could be a troll.

[4everwaiting]

First I guess I need to know what a "troll" is?

If this is a real person in their 30's with issues about a helpless and innocent child (adopted or not) she needs serious councelling and for the sake of the child(mentally and physically) she needs a new place to stay immediately...

S

[finallyamom0310]

I agree with the other responses. I would respond suggesting that besides talking in forums that she seek counseling. This child, regardless of the way the family was formed, is her nephew and if she can't love him she needs to find a way to talk out her issues and learn to at least co-exist peacefully.

I might also mention that at 30 years old, she really should be supporting herself. LOL.

[Cjmeck]

Okay, it is ENORMOUSLY tempting to rip into this guy. God, what restraint it is taking for ME to not get on a flight and slap the snot of out him.... BUT, let's consider the facts he's presented to us: He's in his 30's, unable to financially support himself, living with his sister! He didn't need to tell me anything else to show me what a loser he is. All the rest of his rant shows me he is also a pyschopath! So, I'm certain there would be no getting through to a creature of that sort. Disgusting.

[babycav]

OMGoodness--- My concern is for that baby-- Nevermind that this individual is clearly ignorant but I sense this person may hurt the baby--

A troll is someone that searches forums on the internet & makes up a story or antagonizes the posters to stir up trouble-- Sick losers....

[cbrink7]

I agree this person sounds not like someone in their 30's, but a child about 14 or so. I mean living with her sister for two more years because she can not afford a car payment on top of saying that an infant is mouching off her sister-REALLY? and infant mouching?!?!

I am not sure I would bother...

[Eponine]

I call troll on this one. (4everwaiting - a troll is someone who goes on message boards and posts something inane to stir up trouble and get people arguing).

If you post anything, I would say to tell the person to get counseling. If it is a real situation it sounds like the poster would be jealous of the child regardless of how he came into the family.

[Celesyee]

I agree that this person sounds quite young, but she may very well be in her 30's and just uneducated and ignorant. Because I don't know the whole story (abuse from her parents, hard upbringing, etc), I personally wouldn't reply. To me, it sounds that she is displacing her own feelings of failure, anger, displacement, jealousy towards her nephew.

I used to follow another adoption forum...one member said she wanted to adopt an Indian child because the child would be brown, share cultures, and can experience racism with her already adopted Samoan child. WTF? I replied and pointed out that Samoan and Indian cultures are NOT the same and experiencing racism with somebody rather than alone doesn't make it better, and so forth. We went back and forth for days and she never "got it." So I've since cancelled my membership with that forum and no longer waste my energy and time.

[Wisdom]

This person obviously has deep unresolved emotional issues. I don't think it would do any good to rip him/her to shreds. The person said their own parents were too busy to care for him/her and the sister was like a mother. Perhaps he/she is feeling once again rejected. The hatred for the child may be displaced anger towards his parents (and now his sister) onto the child (I'm not a psychologist, but that's what it sounds like...?). It probably wouldn't matter if the sister's child was adopted or not, there would probably still be hatred towards the child. I'm not making excuses for this person, it's just that when someone has emotional problems such as this it's not being told off that will help. As Eponine stated I'd suggest counseling and/or share that they may be experiencing hatred towards his own parents and now the sister for not being their for him/her. Just my thoughts.