[Saya]

DH and I - who NEVER fight - had a 2-hour long fight last night about pacifiers. When and how to remove them. A. has started using them a lot more recently, in a way that doesn't always seem emotionally healthy. She's really obsessive about them. She knows she can't use them in the house, but while she's IN the house she wants it ALL THE TIME and if you even hint she should take it out or do something else (e.g. eat or talk so we can understand her) she screams bloody murder. It's partly about comfort but also seems to be about a power struggle, because she knows that her Daddy in particular doesn't like them. Her speech therapist wants her to stop ASAP because she's trying to build muscle tone that is different from the sucking motion.

My husband thinks that this behavior is really not good for her, and that it's time to cut out the pacifiers for good. I'm nervous about going cold turkey now - I was hoping to wait till she was closer to 3 years old (she's 27 months now) and could be more involved in the process. But I agree that her behavior has been negatively affected by them in recent weeks. I prefer a method of cutting down gradually - ie starting with only in your room and only at sleep times - but I don't know if that's just me prolonging the inevitable.

She doesn't use the pacifiers at daycare, even for sleep, so we know she doesn't need them all the time.

Did any of you deal with this at the same age (ie around 2 years old) for a child who was really binky-obsessed and what was your decision? If you weaned, what method did you use and how did it work?

[feelingreyt]

If her therapist suggests getting rid of the pacifer ASAP, then that is what I would do. Here is a good way that has worked....
Take your child to the Dr. or a dentist(this way she can't blame you) or even her therapist and have the them tell her she is a big girl now and they simply take it from her. Never to be seen again.
Or you can just tell her she is too big for it and have a bye bye pacifer ceramony of some sort with more involvment from her.
If she can go without it at daycare, then she can go without at home. It may take alittle time for her to stop asking for it and nerves of steal from you, but it sounds like it would be in her best intrest to just go cold turkey.
Good luck! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

[angelkisses0102]

Well....I know many will disagree with me...but...DS had his bink until he was 4 years 10 months old. He just turned 5 this month and for him...I did what was best.

Did it impact his speech...probably but he has sensory issues and speech issues are common in SPD kids. Did it mess up his teeth a bit...yup but they are already almost back to 'normal'...just a slight overbite. Did it help him...yes...he needed it emotionally...I fully believe it helped him attachment wise. He NEEDED it...he needed it every time he got stressed and to help him relax and help him with his oral sensory issues. He just plain needed it.

What we did was cut it back gradually...first never outside the house, then never in his mouth while talking (he got great at talking around it), then only in his room, then only in his bed, and then only to go to sleep (I would pluck it out as soon as he fell asleep.) Finally we set a date, gave him a few months warning and that was that. Thsi took well over a year...but we decided in the scheme of life...not a huge deal.

I will caution you to not have it become a power struggle and especially do not allow her to triangulate you and your DH on this matter...which your post seems to imply (at least to me.) One other caution...DS started sucking his thumb when we tried cold turkey...and trust me that is much worse. DD will be seven next week and still sucks her thumb and finger when she is falling asleep or very sleepy...and there is nothing we can do really. It is not impacting her teeth so I will not make a royal battle out of it. Not worth the fight IMHO.

Good luck.

[finallyamom0310]

Saya, we were told by our Ped that pacifiiers are linked to ear infections too so if you can, it would be a good idea to stop the useage. I mainly mention this as it was a surprise to everyone in my family and the nurses at our Peds office when I asked this.

Anyway, suggestions we got to get DD off them were to snip the tip of it off, a little every few days, and since the sucking isn't the same, they will probably stop.

We actually took about a month to ween DD off and got to where she only saw them in the car and at bed time. I finally decided that we would remove them completely on a weekend so the tantrums would be when we could be sleep deprived and it went much easier than expected.

My SIL's Sister waited till 3 yrs of age for both her kids and basically told them on their 3rd Bday that is when the Pacifier Fairy comes and takes the paci. Her son really was prepared by us all making a big deal about the fairy coming and he did great.

Hope these will help you or someone else.

[crick]

Is there something else you can give to her as a comfort item in place of the paci? Maybe a new stuffed animal or something that she picks out at the store?

I'm big on allowing for a comfort item, but if it's physically damaging or intefering with her speech then I would consider removing it.

You can remove that control battle by not answering her questions or serving her food while she has it in her mouth. Just ignore the crying etc. (not easy to do I know!) and she will learn that if she wants xx & yy, she can't have the paci in her mouth. I wouldn't hint at that but rather tell her "I cannot understand you and until you take the paci out of your mouth, I cannot listen to you."

[britfish]

we waited until DD was 3 1/2. She did it very easily at that age. (she was similiar to your DD and had it at home but not daycare). We talked about giving it up for a few weeks and then promised her a toy if she gave it up - she wanted a bike horn (honker). Anyway, she said she was ready to give it up and threw it away but about an hour later wanted it back. We gave it back and told her it was ok, we would try again the next night. The next night she threw it away and never looked back. After a day she got her honker and played w/ it for a few days and then moved on to something else.

[EZ2Luv]

Ahh the age old binky debate, well not debate , but question. My husband hates binkies and my 2 year old knew it. I had a very hard time of taking the binky away out of fear of getting the boy so upset. I would hint to him, explain that he was a big boy , offer bribes, all along thinking that he would voluntarily decided he no longer wanted it. Well if I left it up to him he would hav been taking the binky to college with him. As much as hubby hated it, he allowed me to call the shots. One day MIL was visiting and the boy appeared with his binky. All she said to him was "Your too big for that plug get it out of your mouth" and he handed it over to her just like that. They then went through a ritual of cutting the dozens of binkies up and showing ds that they were all broken. That was the end of that. I think he was a little over 2 when he last took a binky to his mouth and I think it bothered me more than him. He was my first and I was so worried those first days. My other kids never really favored the binkies and I was so relieved.
Personally I think my son knew or sensed that dh and I were divided on the issue and he playe it to the max.
I found as a parent that there are so many schools of thought on these type of things and it really does depend on the child.

Is to possible to take your daughter to a store to choose a new lovey and then go through a binky cutting ritual? I could see where you wouldn't want to take it away if you feel she really needs it, but if the therapist is suggesting you take it away maybe you can do a gradual thing. Stickers, small rewards, nail polish (that always worked with my girls as an insentive) and little insentives for a binkiless day or afternoon and then when you feel she is down to the least amount of binky time you can do the cutting ritual. What if you tell her they are all broke or the store sold out of them all for little tiny babies and she is a big girl?
I am just trying to brainstorm some creative ideas here since my binkyboy will be going to high school this September, it's been a while.

EZ

[sbaglio]

Our 2 1/2 year old niece was convinced to dump the binkie after my DH sat her down and told her that since she was a big girl now, and our DD was still a baby, would she please give DD her binkie as a present? She ran over and gave our 5 1/2 month old her binkie, and got a wide grin in response. That was the end of the binkie wars.

[zxczxcasdasd]

I'm a firm believer in giving kids a clear expectation and a transition over time, and also rewarding/substituting with something else. That's how we handled the binky issue and he LOVED his binky. You've gotten great suggestions for gradual transitions. I've linked it to a positive thing ("getting bigger" etc.) so it's not a punishment (that sucking a binky makes them "bad") or a take-away (sudden cold-turkey), it's a just a transition into a new stage with different cool things. I gave him plenty of notice, let him track the days and the day it disappeared completely was also the day we visited the Build-a-Bear so he could build his own custom "buddy." Worked for us. It does sound like it's a bit of a contest-of-wills vibe going on with it in your case though, and that does complicate things a bit.

Maybe if you can be more united- i.e. if you both get behind a transition plan enthusiatically... so she doesn't sense that Daddy's happy it's going and Mommy's sad it's going, but instead gets the same emotional message from both of you, it may go easier.

I once heard someone say "I've never seen a bride walk down the aisle with a binky in her mouth yet"...in other words, you've got time to work the change.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Go to Build a Bear and let her build one. Stick the pacis inside with the stuffing and then let her carry around and sleep with the bear instead explaining that the binkies are in "Binky Bear".

See how I just typed that with such authority...LOL. My 27 mo old still takes a paci. LOL. Only at bedtime. We only have two and keep one clean at all times. Only at bed and when he falls asleep (completely on his own) it falls out and he sleeps without it or finds it himself. In the morning I tell him that night night is over and binky has to go home and we put it in a little box in his room. I figure as long as he only takes it at night and it isn't even in his mouth all night...what's the harm. When he is old enough to understand I am going to take him to the BAB store and do what I suggested.

Kim

Kim

[HeidiK]

Both my boys cold turkey -

The oldest - we talked about it - set a date- took all his binkies to Toysrus and used his Binkie money to buy a few new toys. He still talks about and plays with that special Dino.

The youngest - the babysitter forgot he used them when I was gone for two days - he never asked about them, she never took them out of the suitcase. He never mentioned them again.

I KNOW I got off easy....

[Dukefamilyest2001]

My oldest son used his binkies until he was almost three. I was tired of not being able to here him speak as opposed to the pacifier grunts when he wanted something (juice, toy, snack etc)

We BRAVELY endured three days of cold turkey (Not advisable when you have to work these days) and once he went back to grannies on the fourth day for daycare I explained to her we were weening him...he cried and cried and I thought I was going to strangle my mother in law when she said "Granny's got a binky for you" as I walked out for work!!

I swore if I ever raised another baby I wouldnt even introduce paci's. Here I am !!! Trying to give the paci to E but he isnt having it (guess its the higher ups way of making me keep my word). E wants mommy or someone to hold him --there are no comfort bears, blankies, binkies that will settle him down!!! As much as I was againest them I HOPE something comes along soon --My arms are killing me.

[BrockBaby]

My best friend's little boy really enjoyed his binky as well, and she had wanted to get rid of it, but because he was going to be a big brother at 17 months, she didn't see how it would work, with new binkies arriving soon. Well one day she literally lost the binky, told him that, and he didn't ask for it again. Perhaps you too could lose the binkies?

[Linny]

I was surprised to read previously that someone's ped stated pacifiers could encourage ear infections?????

Our pediatrician stated that sucking action actually HELPED ear infections---and we found that to be true for two of our children.

I had to agree thinking about the times (even as an adult) that any drinking action often made my ears 'clear'........

Anyway.......if the child feels comfort, what's the problem? Out of five babies......one sucked her thumb----a LOT and two were REALLY into their 'binkies' (we call them nuks around here). I understand a concern for speech problems; but someone previously stated their over-riding concern for the emotional comfort in having a pacifier.

Everyone is different; and I'll admit I'm super vigilant about bonding and security, after having dealt for several years with children who have attachment disorders. Do I think dealing with a nuk will/won't cause attachment disorders? No, it's not that simple at all.

But, again, I'll say this:

"I'd rather have a crooked toothed, well adjusted (and secure) child; than a straight-toothed, neurotic one."

I'm NOT saying your child will be neurotic; but I just think this country goes WAY overboard in kicking out any supports for a child/baby when---in the long run-----like someone else posted, '.....I haven't seen a bride going down the runway with a pacifier in her mouth.'

I say, go with the flow with your little one. If she needs security w/ the pacifier, let her have it. It's kinda like toilet training...sometimes the more you push and force, the bigger the battle becomes.

In the course of a lifetime, will this REALLY matter?

Sincerely,

Linny

[amyfk]

Saya,

Boy can I relate! We have struggled and are struggling with the binky issue at our house.
Our child came from an orphanage in Russia and somehow I doubt that they were given binkies over there. They probably didnt have the extra cash for them. Little did I know dh was creating a monster by introducing my kid to binkies.
My child is 2.5, and will be starting preschool in Sept. I dont want her bringing them to school! We had so many binkies in the house at first and this is what I did.
I started cutting up a new binkie each week and then throwing it in the trash. You may want to show your kid that youre doing it, so she has your trust and get rid of one week by week.
My kid is finally down to about two binkies now(Thank G-d) and my dh has strict orders not to buy new ones.
Lately I tell my child that she can only have binkies when she sleeps at night or takes a nap during the day. I only made an exception when she was ill a few days ago and feeling a bit lousy.
I tell my child that she will soon be three(in Oct), and will be in school, and she is simply getting too old for them. Some days she does great, and other days she throws a queen-sized fit and I have to deal with it, but Id rather her throw a fit(am I really saying this?) than regress backwards.
I wish you the best, it's hard.
Amy K, NJ