[powderpiggy]

DS is 10 months old; we are and will always be very open with him about his adoption and hope our relationship with DS's birthmom and birthfamily will continue to thrive and grow.

Last week my mom was visiting and she said to me "DS has the same facial expressions as G (G is my FIL). Now G lives on the other side of the country and DS met G only once when he was 8 weeks old. So playing along I say "well DS has not been around G enough to pick up on his facial expressions so maybe he is picking up from DH's".
My mom responds with "well it could be inherit.....oh yeah" The sentence just ended. She remembered that it could not be inherited. Then a bit of silence.

Part of me thinks it is great, like evidence that my mom (grandma to DS) loves DS as much as she would a biograndson. That adoption is a non-issue to her. The other part of me thinks its weird.

Then not even an hour later we were talking about how big for his age DS is, and she says "he gets that from DH". I didn't even answer.

So, has anyone else's family 'forgotten' DS or DD was adopted? What do you say to them?

[SupaModel]

I have a friend that's adopted and she said that happened to her all the time. Family member, close friends of family etc... just forgot. They get so use to you as a family adoption becomes secondary.

I know I hope when H is older adoption wont be our every conversation. I will definitely tell him from begining of course but there is much more and I wont let him be defined as the "adopted boy".

[jules17]

It happens all of the time.

I think, for us, we are so busy in the roles we should be in - mommy, daddy, grandparents, that the adoption part isn't always at the fore.

I am also very proud that my sons are adopted and we will always be open about that and celebrate their birth culture.

[Jo Ellen]

Growing up adopted we never discussed my adoption with anyone even though many close friends and of course family knew. For my a/grandparents on one side they had five grandchildren and four were adopted and even then we never discussed any of it. However the one thing that bothered me was when people would say how much I look like my amom and she would play along and expected me to play along too. That was one thing that made me feel uncomfortable about even when I was younger.

[tanmansmom]

I've told this story before on here, so forgive me those of you who have heard it. But, before TJ was born, my DH and I were with her at her doctor's appt. She said that she hoped he never had to wear glasses. My husband said that he was sure TJ would have to wear glasses because he and I both had to get glasses very early on. T and I just looked at each other and started laughing. He finally figured out his faux pas.

[powderpiggy]

Originally Posted by Jo Ellen

However the one thing that bothered me was when people would say how much I look like my amom and she would play along and expected me to play along too. That was one thing that made me feel uncomfortable about even when I was younger.

I really appreciate everyone's perspective, on one had I thought it was great, on the other, just wasn't sure. But Jo Ellen, I really appreciate your perspective on this type of thing. So maybe it is not always best to 'play along'.

[HappyTwinsMom]

It happens ALL the time. My SIL (DH's sister) says things often about how different her twins are physically from ours. When I say "Well, genetics..." she'll say "Oh, yeah, right, I keep forgetting you didn't give birth."

Our girls look remarkably like DH and his family - coloring, features, etc. I try to make a point of saying "I know, even their birthmom says so" when people comment about the resemblance. (Actually, she was the first one who mentioned it when they were really little.)

[linda512]

I have done it myself! It's not that I forget he is adopted, we talk about that all time, but I guess I forget that he is not part of me in some way. I don't really know, but, once, he was coughing after a cold and I thought, of course he is, I always do, and then realized that was not sensical.
I would not be offended by it unless there were other offensive things being done. I wouldn't make an issue out of it either.
People tell me all the time my son looks like me and i just say thanks.

[mommamarci]

I have not had a family member do it. (Although I don't think they think about the boys being adopted.) But I do! My dad used to say (joking) "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!" I have caught myself starting to say that to Cameron...

[jjlutefisk]

My 8 year old daughter is pale and blonde. My 18 month old daughter is African American. I was at a party with my older daughter's teacher and we were talking about allergies. I said something about our younger daughter having food allergies. The teacher said, "Well that makes sense because Z has allergies, too." Then she got really embarrassed because she had forgotten that V was adopted. We both kind of laughed and said something about how it's so easy to forget. I guess it can happen to anyone.

[startedover]

I myself find that sometimes I think my DD is doing something that she must have inherited from one of us. As a matter of fact my two bio children are very reserve in public just like my DH, but my AD has so many of my traits that I feel she is more like me than either of the first two kids. I never take offense when someone forgets she is adopted. Just means they don't STAY ON GUARD and focus on the fact that my daugther came to us through adoption. I don't want her to feel she IS adopted, I want her to feel she WAS adopted and that is how she came to us. And yes she does get her vocal side and expressions from me. Of course she has been with me everyday since the day she was born, I would be a little hurt if she picked nothing up from me.

[kelceesmom]

I get that all the time. Like started said, I even do it myself and then have to chuckle at myself. Some of her quirks she gets from me I am sure of that. How could she not? She's been hangin with me since birth! LOL

[akcskye]

My kids were adopted older, and from foster care.

They were 9 and 10 and are now 11 and 12.

They look SO much like me and blended in with the family so well, we don't even consider adoption half the time anymore.

My mom has told me many a time (not in front of the kids, obviously) that it was like I had the kids on layaway until it was time that I could be ready to be a mom...that's how much they are like me!

They have NO problem blending in with the biological family and are THRILLED to be meeting their new cousins (my great nephews) who came all the way from Alaska on Monday.

The kids are getting along great and love my niece and my nephew in law...so for us...yeah, it's SURE easy to forget adoption...and unless they need to talk about their birth family, I find it a dis-service to keep bringing it up, because I don't want them to feel like "the outside" kids.

I've included a picture I took on my cell that I love...my 4 favorite kids in the whole world!

My 2 holding my 2 great nephews...the little one on the left on my daughter's shoulders is 1 year 4 months, and the little one on my son's shoulders is almost 4.

I just wanted to provide this picture, because you can see in the eyes, all 4 look related...and my niece and I both have the same eyes and cheeks just like the little guys.

Originally Posted by powderpiggy

DS is 10 months old; we are and will always be very open with him about his adoption and hope our relationship with DS's birthmom and birthfamily will continue to thrive and grow.

Last week my mom was visiting and she said to me "DS has the same facial expressions as G (G is my FIL). Now G lives on the other side of the country and DS met G only once when he was 8 weeks old. So playing along I say "well DS has not been around G enough to pick up on his facial expressions so maybe he is picking up from DH's".
My mom responds with "well it could be inherit.....oh yeah" The sentence just ended. She remembered that it could not be inherited. Then a bit of silence.

Part of me thinks it is great, like evidence that my mom (grandma to DS) loves DS as much as she would a biograndson. That adoption is a non-issue to her. The other part of me thinks its weird.

Then not even an hour later we were talking about how big for his age DS is, and she says "he gets that from DH". I didn't even answer.

So, has anyone else's family 'forgotten' DS or DD was adopted? What do you say to them?

[nikkianni]

I get this type of thing all the time and from my perspective it's great because our families were very reserved about adoption before. My Uncle was playing with DD last weekend and telling her that she has eyes like my grandpa's. I kind of laughed and said something like what a coincidence.
My Uncle actually looked really confused for a second and then laughed and said, "you know, I just forget." Then he told DD she could have eyes like grandpa if she wanted to.
And my Aunt swears that DD has my Dad's smile. Which is possible and I think might actually be true now that she's called my attention to it.
Those moments make me very happy. Especially since this uncle was one who was not pro adoption before DD.
And on Sunday on of my MILs (lucky me gets two) asked when we were going to start the second adoption because she's getting the "little baby" itch again and we're her last hope. (DH's sister and brother have both finished their families). That one was huge as we were almost positive that MIL would be one of those we had to walk away from.
DD does look very much like DH. She has from minute one. In fact that's why her bparents looked at our profile. They saw DH's picture on the teaser and decided they HAD to take a look. Funny world, isn't it?