[maxkinzie]

NEED HELP/ADVICE/SUGGESTIONS!!!

This sounds so wonderful in the book, but doesn't seem to be helping much. very well could be ME. Anyone willing to "listen" and help us? I feel like we're running into the same brick wall!! (yes, it's been one of those days ) The thought that gets running in my head is that "if they won't listen when they're little, don't expect them to listen when they're older"

well...she ain't a listenin' - I keep looking to see if she sprouted 2 devilish horns! lol

t.y.

[mondk]

Yes...we did Love and Logic with my older son who is now 11. The first thing we did was schedule a conference with all of his teachers preschool, kindergarten, and on up as neccessary that this is the method we wanted used at school because we were already using the method at home and it worked great. Using it consistently seems to work the best...of course we also had to teach this method to our family members so he would be surrounded by it. I have a book here somewhere that teaches the methods...can't remember the name of the book.

Anyway, lay it on me...what are you having trouble with?

Blessings, Michelle

[court5505]

We use parts of it. We're big into giving her choices. Lately one of the choices has been time out. We'll say "Do you want to put your shoes on or go to time out?" 99.9% of the time she'll make the right choice. If she doesn't say anything then we'll say, "Okay, I guess you're choosing time out." We are consistent with putting her there if we say we're going to and it didn't take long for her to realize we were serious.

What kinds of problems are you having?

[Fe2002]

Oh, I just ordered this book along with 123 Magic (i think that's the title). My daughter is only 9 mos, but I figured now is the time to start reading.

[Stormster]

See this is why I love this site. Love and logic would be perfect for our family. I'm all about letting E feel like I"m not forcing him and I'm all about choices. DH calls me "The Negotiator"

Typical scenario is me asking "Babe would you rather mow the lawn or vacuum?"

Can't wait to read all about it since I have a boy who laughs in my face every time I say no!

[gdaisy]

Just so you know I have seen this not work on kids with defiance issues.. they know how to manipulate the system... ie.. would you like to sit in this chair or this chair... he picked up one of the chairs and moved to where he wanted and said this chair here....LOL

[BethanyB]

As a mom and a teacher I used both of these books. Right now I am using Magic 123 but I don't find that it works wonders as the book states.

Love and Logic did not work in my classroom with the kids with real discipline problems and quite frankly that is who I bought the book for. Most kids do not like getting in trouble and have no problems being reminded and moving on. I think the book has GREAT ideas but it just did not seem to work.

[ocracoke]

I read the book recently. Loved it. Sounded wonderful. Started using it on my 3.5 year old (rapidly going on 15). Took her about a week to figure it out and how to manipulate it. I am still trying. And she is still trying my patience. She likes control. So do I. I am trying to give up some control to help her feel like she has some. But most days it is all about what she wants to do. For instance, she got up this morning, went potty, brushed her teeth, got dressed, walked into my room and announced, "Mama, today I am going to listen to you." And she did. Yesterday she fought me every step of the way. It seems to me that it has nothing to do with me or my method -- just her mood.

Samantha

[mondk]

Maxkinzie: I PM'ed you back!

Blessings, Michelle

[powderpiggy]

I think I need to look into 'love and logic'. I think it would work well with DH, LOL!!!

[mondk]

Powderpiggy: I've tried it on dh...he says "Do I have another choice?" when I use it on him...but he usually ends up doing all the choices anyway! LOL.

[Whirled_Peas]

OK, so I'm clueless on Love and Logic. Figured I'd google it. Got to their website. All it does is say, "We're great, send us money."

[court5505]

Originally Posted by Whirled_Peas

OK, so I'm clueless on Love and Logic. Figured I'd google it. Got to their website. All it does is say, "We're great, send us money."

The books are good and you can get them at the library.

[Gs_Mom]

Ok, here's a contrary opinion.

I read the book, expecting to love it. I DO like some of the ideas, but found the book condescending and preachy. As to the message .... Yes, I like the idea of not giving a bunch of warnings and consequences and I TOTALLY agree that the "problems" of today can be bigger problems down the road.

The thing is that it is sometimes difficult to come up with and/or enforce the consequences. But, I do try.

One thing that I did realize is that not EVERY single infraction should be met with swift consequences. I think we have to give our kids a break .... he is only 2 1/2 after all and is generally a good kid.

I.e., we HAD trouble with G running in aisles in stores. I "fixed" it by telling him that he could stay close or ride in the cart. The first time, when he wondered off, I put him in the cart and stuck with my guns. He eventually stopped whining/crying to get out. Worked pretty good. I now use a modified version, because sometimes I know he gets excited and/or distracted. So, I don't make him get in the cart EVERY single time. I just remind him that he has to stay close if he starts to wonder off and that is usually enough to stop him. Now, if he is running off to be defiant (and I can tell the difference), in the cart he goes. Otherwise, I dod not expect perfection from him.

In other cases ... i.e., pouring water on little brothers face in the bath ... now that gets a swift out of the tub response. But, still it does happen as he misses is aim sometimes.

I imagine some of you will think that if I just used the method it would not be a repeat problem. But, what I am doing is working for me.

A book that I DID love and have read a few times is How to Talk to Your Kids So They Listen and Listening So They Talk .... really liked the tone and the messsage.
Just my (off the cuff) two cents.

[Whirled_Peas]

I'm getting more and more into gentle discipline. I want my son to make his choices because he wants to not because he has somehow been forced to.

One of the things I recently read was in regards to parents using "threats." We do it all the time. "If you don't... I will..." What a way to live if you're the kid.

Something I found effective when my son used to chase the dogs with kitchen gadgets was, "Emma is so sad." He'd respond, "Make Emma happy." "Then stop chasing her with the pancake turner." And it worked. Like in a week. No threats, no yanking the spatula out of his hand. He made the choice.

And I want to get on my little soapbox here. Have you noticed how often most parents yank stuff out of their toddler's hands? It's constant. I think this is why toddlers grab stuff out of other toddler's hands. Their parents have role modeled it. I could just never do that to my son. Even when he got hold of scissors (don't know how that happened.) "Please give me the scissors." He gave them right to me. And he doesn't pull stuff away from other kids.

So, this is an area I'm exploring now. I really want to find a way to raise my son to be a respectful, integrity based person. I also want to find a way to do it without constantly threatening him.

Our library doesn't have any of the books I've recently learned about. I ordered off amazon " ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE: A Parent-to-Parent Guide (La Leche League International Book)

I will let everyone know how I like the book once it arrives.