[mondk]

Recently, our birthmom, (M.C.) asked me if I could help her search for and locate our son's birthdad. Our atty found him after Joshie was first born and had already been placed with us and b-dad was in jail. He told our atty that he wanted to talk to M.C. but would not contest the adoption. M.C. did not want to talk to him at all at that time

M.C. says the reason she would like to know where he is now is because she wants to tell him a little bit about Joshie in case Joshie should ever want to meet him someday and his half siblings.

Does this sound like a good idea to you all? I emailed our atty about this but he hasn't returned a reply.

Blessings, Michelle

[BrandyHagz]

You need to stay O-U-T of it - totally. 210%...

Do NOT make yourself the middle man...

If she wants to contact him, for any reason, she needs to do the legwork involved.

If YOU want to contact him, for any reason, then you need to do the legwork involved.

Not meant to sound harsh...I mean it! Just looking out for ya

[mondk]

Thanks Brandy; I wasn't too hip about the idea either. I do understand where she is coming from though... Our atty who found him in jail said he was in there for dealing drugs...so yes I will follow your advice and back myself out of this one. Thanks again!

Blessings, Michelle

[browneyes0707]

My advice as well is to stay out of their own issues as much as you can. I have my issues with my daughters b-dad, and while it might be easy for me to ask questions of my daughter's mom to get the answers, I won't because it's just not fair.

I don't think it's wise or fair to be put in the middle of their issues and vice versa. It's a delicate relationship all around. Being the middle man never bodes well......

Good luck!

[Stormster]

I am in OA with a lot of complicated relationships. There are lots of sibs and ruptured relationships and resentment yet they all live in the same town and hear all about each other.

I feel I was kind of unintentionally "used" as the new kid o the scene to heal some rifts. Somehow I got out unscathed but I still get sucked in and have to be really careful. I don't want DS to suffer because I had the bad judgement to get involved and make things worse.

I really agree with the previous posters to protect yourself!

[hesabanana]

Ummm, no, I'd stay as far away from that as possible.

[kelceesmom]

I would have to agree. It is for her to do all the foot work.

[lahdh4]

I agree with everyone else. It isn't up to you to find him. I am sure that she has some way and you don't need to get in the middle.

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I agree with everybody else on this issue. If I were you, I would stay out of this one. If Claire really wants to find bdad, she should be the one to do it.

[mondk]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice...due to me not being able to edit my original post, I have asked one of the mods to delete this entire post...but feel free to PM me for an update. I'm going to email M.C. tonight and tell her she must conduct the search herself...

Blessings, Michelle

[mondk]

M.C. wants me to do the computer search and then she says she will telephone him from then. I told her no and she got upset and said the reason she can't do a search is because where she is staying now they can't use computers there. I told her I'd think about it and let her know. ARGH! I really wish she wouldn't ask this kind of stuff of me.

Blessings, Michelle

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I think you should risk M.C. being angry with you. I still think you should stay out of this situation. If Claire really wants to contact Joshie's bdad, she should do it all on her own. Just my two cents...

[zxczxcasdasd]

Most public libraries have computers that can access the internet free of charge and you certainly are not the only person she knows in the universe who has a computer.