[Stormster]

E is one on July 31st!

I feel she is well aware that she can get him a gift but if I step back, I think that

in addition to other stuff, she could be intimidated by what we give him which is everything (she sees his wardrobe and toys in the pics and there are a lot of pics on my space).

Honestly all this talk about gifts. I'd be thrilled with a card to be honest. OK I won't treat it like a test, promise. But I did just realize i can print out some of her emails ..I think one says something about how exciting it is that E is going to England for his birthday party.

TGmom you are great. It's such a different situation!

[Leigh131313]

Brenda - absolutely!! I totally get what you are saying - kids LOVE to receive presents. I just think that sometimes people are not in a place to send presents - whether that is financially, emotionally or because their families/upbringing does not DO presents.

My point was - it isn't a requirement. It shouldn't be anyway. There are other ways to show love - and stormster can help her ds to see the love his birthmother has for him even without presents.

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks Stormster

Maybe you could encourage the card with an email saying that you are putting together a scrapbook of all the cards that E receives from his first birthday and you would love to have on in there from her?

(Also because my SIL did this for her boys and it was a super cute way to recognize everyone that attended his party or sent notes and it preserves the cards so they don't get misplaced, spilled on, ripped, eaten by a one year old [haha] you get the picture!)

[Stormster]

TGMom GREAT IDEA

[Tudu]

In our infant adoption, her Mother struggled with addiction the first several years and didn't send a thing. She and I would talk but she rarely spoke to our dd until she was about 4 and able to talk on the phone. She is now clean and does send cards randomly, calls on her birthday as soon as she wakes up (they talk every day but it is the first thing she does that morning), comes to her parties and brings her family, invites us to her other children's parties and events, and has even begun to have her spend the night for a few nights here and there. She has never sent her a birthday present or card in the mail but her kids will draw pictures and she writes to her.

My point is this didn't all happen at once. It has taken years for us to each find our place and overcome issues. We have all grown together b/c we talk about everything, no matter how small it seems. I noticed early on that things seemed to snowball when left unspoken. I addressed things that I thought she might be going through or feeling based on what I read after the first year. (Our first year was particularly difficult due to her mental illness and drug addiction.)

Be patient. Speak frankly to her about your thoughts and feelings.

[Stormster]

Tudu your relationship (in the beginning) sounds just like ours. I hope the clean part happens for E's birth mother but she is very very sick.

Great post thank you so much.

[finallyamom0310]

Storm, one of the things I have done for DD and BMom is a book of communications. I made special letter head and have put all email communications between the two of us on that letter head and put the book together for DD and BMom to each ahve their own copy. Just a thought and then it is a gift to E.

[Stormster]

Wow finally you put me to shame!

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by Stormster

TGmom you are great. It's such a different situation!

On a side note - cause for some reason I'm still stuck on my stupid lack of presents - here's the thing.

It's not that different.

Yes, our circumstances might be drastically different, E's bmom and mine. But the behavior is the same. We're not recognizing our child through presents or cards. In some ways the reason (excuse?) isn't important because E and Cupcake may have the same thoughts that "Bmom didn't remember my first birthday!"

I did send an email to Cupcake's Mom and did ask for pictures but that's not quite the same, you know?

I do hope that one of the things you hear today works, or that she just up and sends something on her own, I really do...but I think it might also help that if you see that in a way she and I aren't that different, you know?

Like someone said earlier, the presence of presents (haha) doesn't mean how much I love Cupcake or not. I know you know that, and I know you know that about E's Mom too...sometimes we just need to connect the dots of what our role is and how to get through the barriers in our life (be they addiction, monetary, or just my stupid nerves) to acknowledge our children in the way that works best for all of us.

And now I'll stop rambling

[finallyamom0310]

Definately not my intention Storm.

[Stormster]

oh i should have put a smiley face I'm sorry it was a joke

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by Stormster

in addition to other stuff, she could be intimidated by what we give him which is everything (she sees his wardrobe and toys in the pics and there are a lot of pics on my space).

This could be entirely true. I asked about ideas for last Christmas and I was told that she didn't need anything. Talk about intimidation!!!!!