[NurseNikki]

Our boys were 13 and 25 months when they came home - and you would never guess they had gone through that major change. We never had any crying, etc - they acted as though they had always been there. The first few days both were quiet, but after about a week, they warmed up, and things have been great ever since.

My 2 year old has some speech delays related to his previous environment, but is quickly making up for lost time! I have heard, though, that girls are more sensitive to this, so she might struggle a bit more. I would agree with previous advice to keep agency resources close at hand, just in case.

Going from 2 person family to a 4 person family was a drastic change, but perfect match for our family. After only 7 months, our boys are happy, well adjusted kids that are a joy to be with every day.

Congratulations, and good luck!

[SuzBerg]

Our daughter was a bit older (30 months) but she adjusted pretty quickly and is doing FANTASTIC now (she's been with us for 4+ years and is almost 7 years old).

I would highly reccomend "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" By Mary Hopkins Best. I also would consider putting the 20 month old back on a bottle for bonding purposes. The book suggests this and I didn't pay too much attention to that because I thought 2.5 was too old. I really wish I had done it, it's something if I could go back and do I would. Also I wish I had worn a sling or baby carrier for bonding. I did carry her ALOT though because of her health issues, so I think that helped.

Best wishes and congratulations!

[vernellinnj]

Foster Parent here...

I've fostered 2 toddlers who came to me at 24 mos and 21 mos. Have one child with me still after two years. This is a great age. Both children bonded well with me over time. In contrast, I had an infant straight from the hospital and I could not handle it as a single, working parent (had two at once as my current FC was with me too). Infant was with me about 6 wks and got off to beautiful start but, ultimately I asked to have her moved to a diff home. She was reunited with biodad after a few months. I saw this as God's way of showing me I wasn't missing out if I never parented an infant. I got the message LOUD and CLEAR! I would have NEVER guessed I would prefer a toddler over and infant, but I do. At least as a single, if I marry...well


Good luck.

[soozoos]

miniibus - so exciting! Hooray! I am also curious... what state are you in? What is the scenario that these children would not have been in foster first? Are you working with an agency?

[KIC1975]

Michelle,
Wow, we refer to those situations as a "just add water" family.

We had a 6 month/20 month sibling set when we fostered. You will get a "honeymoon" period that they are good. Use that to bond and get to know each other. Then you may or may not have issues. The 20 month had some discipline issues. It really depends on the temperment of the child. If you can do some visits with them before they move in with you. Go to the park etc, then have them come and stay for a weekend. It will be an easier transition.
I also suggest asking the agency for any outside referals that they can give you.
Chances are that it will be a smooth transition, but it's nice to know who to call if it isn't smooth.
From the research I did, children that came into the family under age 2 there were no long term attachment issues.
Hope this helps
Keep me posted!
-Kristin

[missw005]

Oh my goodness. Birthmom is supposed to sign TPR tomorrow ... so tomorrow we could be taking custody of a 20 month old little girl AND her 3 month old brother!! We said we were open to a sibling group, but we never thought it would happen. We are extremely excited and nervous and trying frantically to figure out what preparations we need to make, both short term and long term.

p.s. Anyone had any experience with an adoption of a child this age? (The 20 month old, I mean.) She's lived with her birthmom (as far as we know) her whole life and I'm wondering what the grief and loss will look like....

Wow, Mini, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! That s!!!!!

I brought J home when he was 2-1/2 and Q home when he was 1-1/2 - and I really wish I had done more bonding stuff with both of them. Q was still on a bottle, and we did a lot of peek-a-boo and staring games. J had a ton of special needs, and it was much more of a struggle - but I wish I'd done more bonding stuff with him. I did wrap him in his blankie and snuggle with him a lot - which helped tremendously.
I also called myself something different than their foster mom did - she called herself Mommy, I called myself Mama to distinguish between the two. That helped.
As for grief - they were both really quiet, and sometimes would just burst into tears and be very unconsolable. Q would NOT want to be held, and would push me away. So I'd sit close to him, not touching him, but with my hand held out. Eventually he'd grab my hand, and after a while would climb in my lap to cry. It was really heartbreaking - but much better than the opposite - where they're not attached and run to you right away like nothing is wrong. That is scary.
I did have some photos out of his foster mom (are you getting any of birthfamily?) that I kept out at first to comfort him, then removed them slowly as he became more attached to me. Then I put them in an album. He also had a favorite blankie and stuffed animal he really loved, that smelled like "home." (even though it was so dirty and disgusting that it killed me not to wash it!!!)

Again, congratulations!!!!

Sandy

And not to hijack your thread, but......

Originally Posted by NurseNikki

Going from 2 person family to a 4 person family was a drastic change, but perfect match for our family. After only 7 months, our boys are happy, well adjusted kids that are a joy to be with every day.

Nurse Nikki!!!!!!!!!!! How are you, girl??????

I have thought about you a LOT since you announced that your boys found you and dh. How is living and loving life as a FAMILY???

It's GREAT to see you back on the forums.

Sandy

[mrskt]

Yay, Mini!!!!! I have SO got my fingers crossed for you guys!!!


Katy

[aclee]

Let us know how it goes if you have time with those TWO little ones

[minibus]

Thank you everyone for all your support and excitement. We are a few hours away from knowing if this next step is going to go through. Birthmom is scheduled to sign this morning! I'm so so so nervous.

If this goes through we will definitely work on some attachment parenting with the little girl. We do have an Ergo carrier, so hopefully she will be willing to be in that.

We will see soon!

Originally Posted by soozoos

miniibus - so exciting! Hooray! I am also curious... what state are you in? What is the scenario that these children would not have been in foster first? Are you working with an agency?

soozoos - We are in Washington, the situation is in Nevada. Birthmom has the kids right now, there is no CPS involvement - she just went directly to the agency here in NV. We are working with two agencies - ours, which is more like a facilitator, who found this other agency, and the agency here, who has offices across the country.

[longingforadaughter]

Congrats Mini! Best of luck and have fun!

[Suziebearhugs]

WOW! Goodluck. How Exciting!

[inhiswill]

Any updates Mini?

[leenie71]

Wow mini! I just read your news on another thread....congrats!!! How did everything go today?