[oceanica]

10 Big Mistakes Parents Make - Page1 - Â* MSN Lifestyle: Men

(sorry I don't know how to make it so you can just click it.) It's kind of related to the other thread going on today.
Which ones should I watch out for?
What mistakes have any of you made or were there things that you wish you had done differently that may help me (IF) and when I ever get a little one?

[Fran27]

Great article!!! I sure hope I won't fall for most of those...

They could have added 'feeding their children crap' too though.

[binkybear]

Me too Fran, I'm HUGE on what we consume in food and drink being one of the biggest factors in nearly all aspects of our lives.


I don't like the prasing "mediocrity" blip. There's nothing wrong with kids knowing that participating full heartidly is just as important in life. I'm not saying giving adults or teens huge trophies for showing up, but if kids are making great efforts there is nothing wrong with acknowledging it positivly. (we're such a whacko society when it comes to the sports mentality!) If those in hollywood can get a goodie basket for just showing up to an award ceremony my kid can get a certificate for doing thier absolute best in sports, art, music, etc.

[SamIAm2]

I've completely blown #1 and I'm already regretting it And I disagree a little with #4 as I think all GOOD efforts should be praised and/or rewarded...so long as it was their "best" effort. Thanks for posting the article...it has some good tips!

[nikkianni]

I mostly agree with the 10. I had to laugh at the "Future Trophy Wife" t-shirt thing. That's something that really gets me about a lot of parents. I saw a 3-year-old in an AC/DC t-shirt over the weekend.
Really? AC/DC? I would've thought he'd be into the Wiggles maybe but hey, what do I know?

[mom2justynsarah]

One of the biggest mistakes my husband & I made was with our son. When he was around 5 months old, he got his first earache. So inevitably we let him sleep in our bed. Then he kept getting earache after earache. So he continued to sleep in our bed. When he was 10 months old, he got tubes put into his ears. But by that time, he had already gotten accustomed to sleeping in our bed. It took EIGHT more years before we were able to get him OUT of our bed!!!

Although my son is almost 10 years old, he still likes to sit in bed with us. BUT, he no longer sleeps with us. Unfortunately, he does NOT like sleeping in his bed. So he usually ends up falling asleep on our couch. It's been a constant struggle. But it is, what it is.

Once our daughter came into the picture, we make sure she sleeps in her bed. Of course every once in awhile she ends up falling asleep or comes into our bed. But it's NOT a constant problem like what we had with our son. In fact, she LOVES her room and her bed.

[Stormster]

Great article though I also don't agree with the praising mediocrity. I believe in praising any good effort. Not over the top but it's called encouragement. What if E isn't a superb athlete? I want him to feel good for trying anyway.

As for the AC/DC we have one that is the AC/DC logo but says AB/CD and also we have a Lynrd Skynrd and Clash T=shirts. It's more for our own fun. Even if it said Wiggles he wouldn't know the difference. We are really into our rock around here!

I don't think we've made any mistakes along the lines of this article but how can you really make those kind of mistakes with a baby. I'm really glad i read it though. I won't forget the one about the spoiling I hope I have the fortitude to stick to it. It's so much harder NOT to spoil our children.

[crick]

One thing missing from that list...MANNERS!
I have no clue how my generation of parents have failed so horribly at teaching their children basic manners and respect. Please, thank you, hold doors open for others behind you, do NOT whiz past people carrying an armful load of bags on those stupid healys or skateboards, don't cut in line, and just all around horrible manners.

Nikki - LOL! I think that was my kid wearing the AC/DC tshirt My kids have been exposed to all kinds of music and right now their faves are very old bands. They are slowly getting more into the mainstream today's current music, but they do indeed love the old stuff.

Mistakes I've made (plenty) but one is not trusting my kids due to my paranoia of things. My oldest is 11 1/2 and when I think of all the things I used to do as a kid but he isn't allowed to do because of how society has changed so much, it's sad. I'm learning to balance this out better but do feel I should have started letting him do some things earlier than I did. Kids can't learn to make good choices later if we don't allow them to actually make any choices when young, kwim?

[OakShannon]

I'm clearly in the minority here, but I agree with the "not praising mediocrity." In my mind, that doesn't mean that you don't praise a kid who's trying hard just because he's not the best player. But I think we're not doing our kids any favors by giving them trophies just for showing up. The trophies don't end up meaning a whole lot. And I don't think kids are so fragile that they can't handle realizing that another team played better.

If we want to praise their good efforts, we can make it specific. "Boy, you really hustled out there today! I was impressed with how you went after the ball!" We don't need to hand out constant rewards just because they showed up. After all, isn't the fun of playing a game with your friends a reward in itself? Do they really need a trophy too?

[Stormster]

Yeah Oak I see where you are coming from...

[binkybear]

I'm not disagreeing with what you've written, I honestly get what you're saying.

But as a general whole I always find it a little funny that we adults look at things this way but really if we think about it most of us don't think this way for ourselves. How many of us see "incentives", "bonuses", and all the alike at work? Are most of us ok with getting that once a year standard trophy raise, or do most of us truly think we should we see those incentives for our individual efforts (meeting numbers, reaching goals, etc) It's not always about "the big win" but the overall steps that make a good team or participant. Just another way to see kids as little people in this world I think the word mediocrity itself is terrible to use when reffering to kids. No kids should be called 2nd rate if they show effort, heart, and enthusiasm.

Originally Posted by OakShannon

I'm clearly in the minority here, but I agree with the "not praising mediocrity." In my mind, that doesn't mean that you don't praise a kid who's trying hard just because he's not the best player. But I think we're not doing our kids any favors by giving them trophies just for showing up. The trophies don't end up meaning a whole lot. And I don't think kids are so fragile that they can't handle realizing that another team played better.

If we want to praise their good efforts, we can make it specific. "Boy, you really hustled out there today! I was impressed with how you went after the ball!" We don't need to hand out constant rewards just because they showed up. After all, isn't the fun of playing a game with your friends a reward in itself? Do they really need a trophy too?

[nikkianni]

Crick: You're right! There wasn't anything about manners. Hm, I wonder what that says about society.
DD can't even talk (much) and we're already saying please and thank you. It's so important to have basic human courtesy. And yes, I've noticed that a LOT of today's children don't have that. I can't tell you how many times a parent in the grocery store with kids in tow will cut in front of me and not say excuse me.

T-Shirts: I think my biggest thing is the "adult" tees. Why, for instance, would you put your 8 month old in a Christmas t-shirt that says "You Should See My Package?" Oh yeah, by BIL and SIL did it this last Christmas. There was my sweet little DD (9 mos) in her little Sugar Plum velvet track suit sitting right beside D in his um, shirt. Yick.
On the other hand....if ever I found a retro Star Wars t-shirt in DD's size....I'm not sure I could resist.

[Whirled_Peas]

We're big on manners, big on co-sleeping, big on not rewarding mediocrity. Studies show that intermittent unexpected rewards go a lot further than the expected. So, if a kid knows that every time they show up, they get a reward, it really doesn't mean anything. That's not to say that you shouldn't make comments about how persistent they are or what good team members they are. Think about it, if EVERY time you went grocery shopping, your husband gave you a trophy or an awards certificate, after awhile wouldn't you think it was stupid? Of course, if he said thanks for getting the groceries, you'd probably like it, but real gratitude and praise is different than a stupid piece of paper with stars on it. Then one day the dog got loose, the kids stuffed a favorite toy down a public toilet, you got your fingers caught in the shopping cart while your two year old was nowhere to be seen, and you called your husband in absolute tears. You still get the groceries because that's what moms do on bad days. And your husband has the kids make a certificate that says, "World's Greatest Grocery Buyer." If you didn't get one of those every day, wouldn't it mean something special THAT day when you really did do something special?

[crick]

I don't reward my kids for every little thing they do but I'm big on praise and I'm really really big on trying their best. That even if they didn't win a game there is something good they did that game or improved on. I think getting a trophy, ribbon, medal or certificate at the end of a season is something the kids really enjoy and while the trophy is a short lived enjoyment, that's okay. I reward myself with a pedicure here and there and that's pretty short lived, but oh, soooo worth it! LOL! I think as with a lot of things, it's the balance of it all. Teach your kids that not everything they do is a WOW! or deserves a reward, that losing is a part of life and etc. and yes, sometimes you get stuff "just because" or because you were part of a team or because it was your lucky day and you got an unexpected surprise or whatever. Nothing is guaranteed and happiness comes from within, but the little joys here and there...they go far.

I find things like this to be good for motivation though, depending on the child. Every child is different and sometimes using things like this for motivation really can work.

For example, my middle boy could care less about school. Very bright but always does the very minimum he has to do just to finish and doesn't care if his work is neat or the best he can do. All he cares about is finishing. So this year I'm going to reward him with cash for every A & B he gets on his report card. He's saving up for a Nintendo DS and trust me...cash is very very important to him right now. Normally I wouldn't pay for an A, but I need a big motivator for him since he's now in 4th grade and school does matter more at this grade. What I'm hoping will happen is while in the beginning he'll strive for A's & B's in order to get the cash, somewhere along the way it's going to show him that when he does well, he FEELS great. That he'll have a sense of pride and accomplishment. I can tell him this all the day long, but until he experiences it, it's not going to get through to him. If it takes a little bit of rewarding for something I might not do for say my dd who loves school and doesn't need the extra motivation, then that's what I'll do. Will it work? I don't know...but if it doesn't, it won't be the first or last mistake I make as a parent. I'm okay with that. lol!

[loveajax]

Trust me...I am working now with recent college grads who are the products of the "rewarding mediocrity"....it doesn't work well in the work force. They honestly feel like "well, hey, I showed up! and I'm trying!" That doesn't cut it in most work situations and I think we are setting kids up a bit. (That said, the praise I heap on DD for merely putting her crocs on would make you think she solved world peace...hard to not want to "reward" your own kid!).

I seriously seriously think that the biggest parenting mistake is trying to "please" or "impress" other people. There is really no right or wrong way in most situations and I have learned to really trust my gut (maybe I am saying this because I have probably violated at least 7 of the guys' top 10! haha).