[Stormster]

We were at dinner tonight and these two parents come in with two little boys, probably 6 and 4. The mom had her arm around the one little boy (older one) talking to him and was totally ignoring the other who was physically at the far end of the table. The father didn't speak to either boy, just looked at his menu. The little one was such a little man...he sat their sipping his milk quietly and I'm telling you I couldn't stop looking. Nobody said more than two words to him the entire meal! I wanted to say to the mother "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING????" DH calmed me down because he said it was just a snapshot of a family I know nothing about etc. etc. so I calmed down but it ruined my meal.

Then we went to a very violent rated R movie (don't ask...) and someone brought a 2ish year old in there to watch it! Once again I could barely pay attention to the film wondering how on earth these images might effect the baby sitting in the front row. I was so angry! I almost got up and reported it but I didn't even know if it's against some kind of law or not.

I can't go around worrying about every child but when I see these things I really have to hold my tongue lately! This is NOT me. All I can think is being a mom for the first time is bringing up some stuff for me. Maybe reminding me of stuff from my own childhood?

Sorry a little heavy on the psycho self analysis here! But any feedback would be great!

[4everwaiting]

Storm, I know exactly what you mean and I'm not even a mom yet! I worry all the time! It really makes me mad! I see kids that look like they need a diaper change, no shoes on, dirty shirt, face and hands and these parent(s?) are parading them around all over town looking like this... err should I say, the poor little kids are following the parents like little birds, only when the kids starts asking for something do they even look back to see if they are still there...

For years we have been wanting a family, they have it and could care less.

Sad, really sad- and REALLY UNFAIR!

S

[Whirled_Peas]

I am a pediatric nurse. I always found it easier to deal with a child with cancer than an aging adult. The elderly depress me so. Yes, preferfing sick kids is weird, but someone's go to do it.

After my son was born, I could no longer do pediatrics. It was all too upsetting. When my son was about 14 months, I had reason to care for a child about the same age with cancer who was undergoing a bone marrow transplant. This is the type of job I used to love, but this time it did me in. I realized I could no longer do pediatrics. Several months later I had to teach a pediatric rotation to nursing students. It was only a couple days so I set it up that I had no patient contact. (Since I didn't know the hospital, I relied on the RNs to help my students.)

So, becoming a mom does change you. The world will never be the same again. Just wait until you've got babe in arms. Then you really start worrying about every little thing. If I hold it wrong will I hurt it, etc. I'll save you the graphics, but it's pretty overwhelming. You'll see what I mean when you get there. Personally, I think this is nature's way of keeping us super alert to the needs of our little ones.

The interesting thing to me is when I became a (step)mom, I had a lesser version of this. I've noticed with both batches of kids it does get easier over the years. I think with the first batch of kids, they were already 5 and 7 when they came into my life. Their needs were not as vibrant as the needs of a newborn. Now that my son is 2.5, I still can't do pediatric nursing, but I don't get quite so upset about the little things as I did when he was first born.

[Stormster]

Whirled we already are parents and I totally relate to what you are saying ....I can't watch ANYTHING on the news about something happening to a child and even if it is fiction I cry or have to turn it off!

Maybe you are right... natures way of keeping us alert and always compassionate?!

[kelceesmom]

I have to say that I am not a very emotional person. That said when I became a mommy that all went down the drain. Kelcee had a very rough first year and many trips to the doctor and er. I have never cried so much in my entire life. I can't watch anything with children if it isn't good. I cry. I don't know what snapped in my brain but I am a changed person after becoming a mom.

[Whirled_Peas]

Yeah, emotional is right. When my son was 10 months, I signed him up for a parks and rec class that would conclude right before Christmas. It was called "Wigglebells" and I got all teary about that. Geesh. That's beyond weird.

My son was born on Christmas. For his "second" Christmas (first, really,) I dressed him up as an angel, made a blue background, and made clouds out of pillow stuffing. I even got him to wear a halo. Very cute photos that I made into Christmas cards.

When I showed them to our teen, I said how I had changed. "It's the mama hormones. I know these cards are sickenly sweet, but aren't they CUTE!"

I never, ever would have done something like that before he was born. (As I said, the first batch of kids was older when I got them so I was spared the supersweet me.)

She was glad I could at least admit how uncharacteristic it was that I was being so gooey.

[sbaglio]

I have to chime in here. I'm a pediatrician, with a few more years of specialization. I see kids all the time in my profession. Having a child completely changed my outlook on the work that I do (a la Whirled's experience).

I can still see patients, but whereas before I could switch off when I went home (well, at least to some extent), I simply cannot do that anymore. With each parent who comes in, I see myself in their shoes. With each child, especially those who are DD's age, I find myself becoming emotionally involved. And I think about these kids long after I leave the hospital.

There was a four month old who developed myocarditis, then went downhill after developing an invasive fungal infection. I was called to see this young boy at a time when DD was also 4 months old. Both of his parents were there with him in the PICU every day, asking question upon question, searching for hope in the situation. He was intubated, sedated. There were pictures of him and his siblings and parents all around his bed. These are the hardest, when you see pictures of these kids as they are at home, as normal and happy as my own child.

I'm moving on to a new job this month, one in which my patient contact will be minimal. I can't say for sure that the decision to make this career change was due to DD's entry into our lives, as I'd been thinking of such a move for a long time. But I have absolutely no regrets. Many of my memories of kids are filled with illness, pain, disability, and oftentimes death. It has a deep effect, one that one sometimes does not realize until one becomes a parent.

Who knew that a trembling, pouty lower lip, with the threat of tears to come, could melt my heart so?

[mondk]

Hi all. I'm an elderly RN...oops, wait, I care for the elderly (sometimes I do actually feel elderly though LOL) and with my first son, who is bio....I couldn't even leave the house until he was at least 6 mos. old because on the news it was all about little kids sick, murdered, car accidents, horrific things and I thought if he and I left the house it could happen to us.

I'm also kind of an overprotective parent I would say, my kids wear good clothes during the day, and always, always, PJ's at night. Baths every other night or every night without fail. Shoes and socks, on whenever outside. Meals all at certain times, snacks too. Maybe I'm more rigid too, but I go out and see kids like someone up there mentioned, clothes and faces dirty, no shoes on, a shirt and a diaper to go out in, etc. A babysitter for my first son took him outside to play on our screened in porch with no shoes...I fired her.

My cousin is a NICU RN. She is carrying their 3rd child. I don't know how she does it...I don't know how to go from seeing kids with plastic tubes and vents and all that stuff and then go home and play with your kids. I couldn't do that kind of work. I think for me, anyway, I can do geriatric because to me, most of them have lived good full lives and they are ready to pass. Does that make sense?

Ah, sorry to ramble...oh, also, I didn't realize there were so many healthcare professionals here.

Blessings, Michelle

[Fran27]

Actually, i was kinda the same way before I got the babies too... I guess having such a hard time having children was already making me mad at people who can have children and take poor care of them.

[Dukefamilyest2001]

I totally understand and have the same feelings as you do. DH tells me all the time---they arent your kids and you dont know how those kids got dirty or maybe their shoes are in the car etc...

I never think that maybe theirs a story behind why the kids dress the way they do until now that I have two (ok Im not a professional Ive only been a mom to two for two weeks but can see somewhat whats happening)...for example...my six year old is at the age he wants to dress himself and since the baby has been here he has become more independant i.e: when he gets out of the pool he changes his clothes into something that is not only not matching...but something out of the winter clothes bin etc.

Ive been letting him get away with stuff around the house since we arent able to travel anywhere (like the park or grandmas) with the baby being so young. However, I have informed my six year old that there are at home rules and then there's going out rules.

Of course company has been coming over and I can only imagine what is going through their minds...but I have made it clear that I am allowing Kevin to make choices (although not the choices I would have made) and it has opened discussions with him such as (weather related clothing..why we take baths...) and these discussions have allowed me to have one on one time with not only my six year old but when Im bathing or changing the baby I can show K that even E is learning how to take care of himself.

Probably not exactly what you were looking for but hope it helps.

[Stormster]

what about things that are worse than looking dirty...things like being in a rated R movie or having being neglected.

Emotional....also I was also enraged (esp. about the movie). With the little boy who was being ignored I wanted to whisper something in his mother's ear!

Crazy lady !!!

[sbaglio]

DH and I went to watch "Amores Perros" a few years ago ( a pretty violent but brilliant Mexican R rated film by Iñárritu), and as the lights went down, we saw a father slip into the theater with 2 kids who could not have been older than 6 years of age. We were stunned. I've also heard people lilterally denigrate their kids in public with words I can't repeat here. The worst my parents ever said to me growing up (and it happened only once) was "shut up", and I recall being quite upset about it! Some parents are truly amazing (and not in a good way).

[Vogi2002]

Actually I tend to be the opposite (with some things...R rated movie give me a break!). I am much more considerate of the mom with the little boy who is running around with no shoes outside. I've dealt with a child who is screaming to wear no shoes, I get it. Plus I must admit my kid doesn't always wear shoes outside...I want him to FEEL the grass on his feet!!

Anyways, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. The woman that is yelling at thier kid in public, I try to think about that kid pushing every button all day long.

Of course...then there are times I want to wallop the parent over the side of the head...but this happened before kids. Like the mom giving the child POP when they aren't even 1 yet.

[sbaglio]

I also used to have patients whose parents would bring them in (say, a one year old) with Pepsi in the bottle and a packet of popcorn in the other hand. All sorts of advice was dispensed after that.

[finallyamom0310]

I can agree with you Storm, I too wouldn't have been able to watch the movie or enjoy my meal. I also have seen the other extreme too. Our wonderful neighbors have a beautiful 4 year old and she is just so precious but she can't even watch some of the disney shows as they are too scary for her. These are some shows that my DD at 15 months just laughs at. For me, I just speak my mind about those things that bother me to my DH and if they hear me then the other parents too know that I don't approve.