[veggiegirl]

I've posted about SIL before, but it just continues to get better and better with her...

SIL and her husband STILL have not come to visit the baby nor have they called or e-mailed or made any attempt whatsoever to be involved in her life. MIL mom says SIL asks about the baby when they talk on the phone so I don’t get it. MIL even said she wants to “go over there and kick SIL” for not visiting. DH begged her not to say anything about it because he doesn’t want that to be the reason they finally visit.

Last week, DH got an e-mail invite to a 4th of July party at his SIL & BIL's house. After much deliberation, he sent an e-mail saying plain and simply “We will not be attending” – he didn’t explain why so really, they have no idea if we have other plans, etc. Poor DH is just torn because he has to once again choose between his wife and daughter and his sister. He rarely cries, but after he e-mailed her on Saturday night to say we’re not coming, he cried a good long time. It’s just so sad, but I do feel very proud of him for standing up for our daughter. Well….last night his parents BOTH talked to him on the phone. To me, it sounds like they were trying to make him feel guilty for not going to the party. What kind of parents would do that to their child??? Apparently, his BIL was over at his parents’ house helping FIL with a new roof. SIL stayed home which seems odd, but whatever... So BIL told DH's parents that SIL was up ALL NIGHT Saturday night sobbing because we are not going to the party. Does she really not get it? She seems to think that her actions and the way she treats others should have no ramifications – that she should be able to treat people like garbage and they should treat her like the queen. I am furious with both DH's parents for even mentioning this to him. What do they hope to accomplish besides making him feel bad when he is NOT the cause of this. They need to talk to SIL and straighten things out that way. I so want to e-mail or call DH'ss parents – I am so furious I am just shaking. I know MIL is PO-ed big time about SIL’s behavior so why is she making DH feel guilty for standing up for his daughter? He’s trying to be a good father to her and protect her from all this drama!

To top it all off, DH is worried SIL will try to hurt herself since she has threatened this in the past. We really don't know what her problem is. She has never liked anyone he's dated, so I was treated like garbage from day 1. She's mad we didn't tell her about the baby until we picked her up from the hospital (because in the past she showed no interest whatsoever in our failed match). She is also due with her first this fall and no doubt is jealous that their baby is not the first grandchild... As far as her hurting herself, it may sound cold, but I told DH he cannot be responsible for someone else's mental health issues. These are not his issues. SHE is the one causing the problems, not him. She threatened suicide almost 2 years ago and the family didn't intervene and help then which DH and I both feel was a big mistake.

Sorry to vent, but I have just had it with this whole situation. And to bring our new daugher into the mix is just plain wrong IMO. Thanks for listening!

[BlessedbySnuggs]

Just wanted to say that I am sorry you are having to go through this! I completely understand why you would not want to attend the party. Please do not feel guilty if you do not go. Our children are our first priority and I completely understand where you are coming from! Again, sorry you have to deal with this! Yuck!

[binkybear]

I don't know any of the background story other than what you supplied here, but is it at all possible that SIL is not well with her pregnancy? My own sister went through a TERRIBLE time emotionally, mentally and physically with her pregnancy. Things that she only shared with her sisters and our mom. From the outside....to work, neighbors and friends...she looked totally fine, but she was anything but. Her hormones and the first time mom stresses really took a toll on her. Playing devil's advocate here, but could she be going throught something (anxiety or depression, etc) that could be making her look self centric while in fact she could be suffering?
Again, without knowing the facts I can't say. Just one idea of what might be going on outside of intentional hurtfullness or jealousy.
Good luck. Family issues stink, especially when you should all be so joyful right now.

edited to chage with to "without" in 4th to last sentence

[SupaModel]

Looks like you should be happy SIL hasn't come over to visit. She sounds very childish to me.