[Eponine]

I'm sure this topic has been discussed before, but we have a possible situation with the friend of a coworker and may be adopting our second in the fall (DS was born December 2007).

It's still really just a slim possibility but DH and I are trying to get our heads around it and decide if we want to pursue/be open to it. We've referred e-mom to our agency so she can get counseling and make sure that adoption is the right choice for her. We also want her to look at profiles and make sure she is choosing the right family for her child instead of just picking us because her friend works at the same place we do.

Anyone with kids less than a year apart - either both adopted or bio and adopted? Our agency is okay with us adopting again this quickly and the financial side/agency fees aren't a problem due to a couple factors.

This board just always helps me sort out my feelings when I get others' experiences!

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

Don't know if this is helpful, but I spent the first 6 years of my life living in the same home as my cousin who was 7 months younger than me (her mom had divorced when she was a baby and came to live with my mom). We ended up being very close (and still are), and since both of my sisters are much older than me, I really feel that it helped having someone closer to my own age to play with. As for parenting, one of the advantages my mom and aunt had was that my cousin and I were so close in age that we could do most of the milestones (weaning, potty training, first day of school) together.

[jalapeno]

My boys are less than 4 months apart (13 months and 9 months). Don't know if I have any useful advice since mine are still so young. But I wouldn't have it any other way. It's work and can be tricky at times but it's also so much fun.

Best of luck to emom in her decision and best of luck to you should she chose to place with you.

[DebCsMom]

In our state , at least with a few agencies we contacted, they won't let you adopt until the youngest is 1 year old. When our DD was 11 months old, we began to renew our homestudy, matched with DS a couple weeks later. Our DD & DS are just under 14 months apart!

It wasn't difficult at all until DS started crawling & becoming more mobile!! LOL Also, we didn't know it then but our DD is Autistic & Bipolar, so it was a little more challenging.

Deb

[mommy2fiveplus]

My 5 are all kind close together, but the closest in age are my 6 yo son (adopted) and my 5(almost 6) yo daughter (bio) they are 7 mos apart. Because my girl was advanced for her age and my son (13 mos when we got him) was delayed it was very much like raising twins, AND STILL IS! They are in the same grade (we kept them together for preschool and separated for Kindergarten), they potty trained together they were best friends for the longest time. Kindergarten has brought changes, they share some friends but not all, my daughter is in gifted/talented classes, my son struggles acedemically, my daughter is a world class Klutz my son has thrown a perfect spiral since age 3 and can hit a fastball off 5th graders. They correct people when asked if they are twins (which usually leads to Adoption 101, proffesor Madyson(daughter) at the helm).

It sorta bugs Madyson that she is 7 mos younger, during those monthes that Triston was 6 and she is 5 she is often "gonna be 6 in August" when asked her age. Triston could care less.

I do have trouble with people always trying to compare them, "so in so can do this,why can't the other so in so?", but usually a well placed, "are they supposed to be clones?" gets the point across.

For us it has been a great experience, they take really good care of each other at school and have built in entertainment all year long.

[jules17]

Our sons are 5 1/2 months apart. Most of the time, it is amazing and awesome!!!

When they are tired/cranky or sick, it can be draining.

But the majority of the time I absolutely LOVE it!! I would raise another set of twins in a heartbeat.

[Honesty76]

People think we're NUTS but we have 6 and they are ALL very close in age. We wouldn't have it any other way. Our two 6 yr olds are 24 days apart. My next two are like 8 months apart and the two girls are 18 mos apart. Their b-days are listed in my signature.

It's like a few sets of twins, a lot of work, but soooo worth it. They truly are best buds too. They go through phases together at the same time (superhero phase, potty training, walking, etc etc) so that actually makes it easier.

Good luck

[aclee]

Our social worker (who does our HS) says she wouldn't approve us for children less than 9 months apart. For those of you that have children less than 9 months apart, did you do a private adoption? We're planning to wait a year and then just hop on the wait list for any child younger than Ty through the state, but I was just curious how you all got so lucky? I want the kids close in age too...

[jalapeno]

Originally Posted by aclee

Our social worker (who does our HS) says she wouldn't approve us for children less than 9 months apart. For those of you that have children less than 9 months apart, did you do a private adoption? We're planning to wait a year and then just hop on the wait list for any child younger than Ty through the state, but I was just curious how you all got so lucky? I want the kids close in age too...

Oh gosh. Well, we've done the fost/adopt route which can be a huge difference I suppose. We had three separate situations in which our foster kiddos were less than 9 months apart. And I was pregnant when my older DS was born - but he's our daughter's bio sibling so they really wanted to place him with us (well, and we desperately wanted him of course!!! ). I'm kind of surprised at your social worker. What's the reasoning? I mean 9mos obviously leads one to think about a typical pregnancy. It seems pretty ridiculous to allow transracial (?? is that the right term??) placements but then require that siblings be at least nine months apart. Who are they kidding?

Good luck in your future search. Ty is such a cutie pie. What a great older brother he'll make!!

[HansenFamAZ]

My little ones are 5 1/2 months apart. DS was through an agency and DD was private. Our in state SW was totally supportive of the idea when we brought it up. I was sure she would say she wouldn't ok it or give us her opinion we shouldn't. Bmom of both kiddos had no problem with it.

As the mom, I love it! Figured if I was doing all the stages, I might as well do it at the same time! Older DD's love them to death and are big helpers. People call them the twins, I never have. I just call them "the babies"!

[Eponine]

Thanks for all the input everyone - DH and I are trying to keep ourselves grounded because it's not at all a sure thing. And for DH at least, he thought he wanted more space between kiddos (3-5 years) but now that it's a possibility he is starting to like the idea of having them so close.

We have friends that have 18- and 9-month sons (both bio) and the more time we spend with them the more DH thinks having kids close in age might be good.

DS was adopted through an agency, and our agency's policy is you can go back "in the books" as soon as you have finalized. In our case, DS will be 8 months old at finalization but for some people the child is as young as 6 months and our agency is fine with that. I think it's just a matter of agency policies, fost/adopt system, etc.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by jalapeno

Oh gosh. Well, we've done the fost/adopt route which can be a huge difference I suppose. We had three separate situations in which our foster kiddos were less than 9 months apart. And I was pregnant when my older DS was born - but he's our daughter's bio sibling so they really wanted to place him with us (well, and we desperately wanted him of course!!! ). I'm kind of surprised at your social worker. What's the reasoning? I mean 9mos obviously leads one to think about a typical pregnancy. It seems pretty ridiculous to allow transracial (?? is that the right term??) placements but then require that siblings be at least nine months apart. Who are they kidding?

Good luck in your future search. Ty is such a cutie pie. What a great older brother he'll make!!

She said agency preference is a year actually, but since they often have situations for minority infants and no couples to present, they do bend that rule to 9 months for couples accepting minority infants. The agency dislikes the artificial twinning I guess. The good news is, she won't do our update if we go through DSS, and she will only call us after 9 months for very low cost situations...so I sort of have to follow her rules by default. Once we're registered with DSS, we would stick with children younger than Ty. He is our first, and we would like him to always be our oldest. The older he gets though, the older the child we would accept.

[jalapeno]

Ah yes, in infamous 'artificial twinning'. Thank goodness my boys will have a handy excuse for all the issues they'll face throughout their lives! Oh well, I guess each agency and state is entitled to a few random policies to make them feel important.