[tinktink]

I am on several natural living forums and I am sick to death of breastfeeding advocates trying to demonize formula feeding folks and formula companies. I really am sick of the attitude that I am raising the village idiot here because my DD is given formula! I don't feel I should have to explain that DD was adopted - it really isn't their business.

I understand the studies of the positive benefits of BF, and the committment required to create a great breastfeeding relationship with a LO. It just isn't possible over here.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

[SupaModel]

Most of my GF complain about having to do it. They tell me i'm lucky I dont have to.

Honestly I kinda wish I could have but i dont feel bad for giving DS formula.

[powderpiggy]

I guess I feel sad about not breastfeeding DS but I try not to feel guilty about it. We are very fortunate that he has had absolutly no problems with formula and he has had a great immune system depsite the fact that he was not breast fed. (9 mo old and has had one cold and never a fever).

I say I feel sad because at times I wish I could have experienced this...so it is more a selfish thing I think, since he has done great with his formula. I do know about adoptive breastfeeding but meeting his birthmom and placement happend so fast I really didn't have the prep time.

DS is now eating solids and I make all his food. And in some strange way I feel like that is my way of making up for the fact that he was not breastfed. I know there is no real connection there, but since he has eaten processed food (formula) since the day he was born, I wanted to make him fresh food.

But no...don't feel guilty. Even though I say it makes me sad, there are times that I feel lucky that I was off the breastfeeding hook, there is no pressure with formula.

[feelingreyt]

When I gave birth to my dd I planned on BFing. I didn't plan on having the complications that I had though. I had an emergency C-section and came out of surgery with IV's in both arms and very weak from hemmoraging. Anyway, I was not able to BF. I was tired, weak and needed lots of pain meds. The LO lady made me feel HORRIBLE! Like I was the worst mom ever. But I knew what I could and could not do, plus I did not want my newborn to have the possibility of getting drugs through my milk, even if the DR's. said it was safe. Formula worked great fo her. She never had colic or serious reflux issues, never had an ear infection. She was and still is in perfect health! Not to mention she is one of the smartest kids in her class. She actually reads way above her grade level and excells in math as well. By the way, she just turned 8 last week!!!
When my ds was born I wanted to experience BFing, plus I wanted it for him. I BF for 3 months. He did great on birthmom. He done just as great on formula. He did have ear infetions though and had to have tubes put in his ears. I don't believe it had anything to do with breastmilk or formula. Things just happen, ya know. Anyway, he is 3 now and healthy as can be!
Our youngest ds, who is adopted, was put on formula in the hospital. He is the picture of health! He is 10 months old and never really been sick (he did have issues for about the 1st 6 weeks, but that was due to the drugs his bmom used while pregnant).
I can honestly say, from my experience, that formula has been just as good for my children as breast milk was for my ds.
And yes, I do hate it when people try to shove BFing down a person's throat. What is good for one person is not always good for another person. Educate emom's on the benefits of both and then let them decide. It's their child!!!! Oh just thinking about that Lactation Consultant makes me mad! As if I needed her attitude to deal with after all I had been through!

[HappyTwinsMom]

When my babies were tiny, I got somewhat annoyed at the *expectation* of breastfeeding. But, to be completely honest, I'm not sure I would have done it had I given birth to my girls. They were very premature and spent a month in the NICU unable to feed normally, so I would have been pumping anyway. I don't feel even the teeniest bit of guilt about not breastfeeding and I won't allow anyone to try to induce it.

One of the pros to bottle feeding included my husband being able to feed one baby while I fed another - or take feedings in the middle of the night so I could sleep.

My girls are perfectly healthy and happy 7-year-olds today. In fact, their pediatrician mentions often that it's so unusual for preemies to not have ANY residual effects or medical issues from their early birth. Seriously, if the theory is that kids aren't as smart if they are formula-fed, we'd be looking at entire generations (mine included) of dummies!

Remember that Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

[ChromaKelly]

Ugh, yes. I belong to a Mom's Club with many pro-breastfeeding women, and they can be very annoying with their attitude. Every woman who didn't breastfeed wasn't properly educated, didn't know all the benefits, didn't try hard enough, yada yada.

I tried. I know all the benefits. I'm not an uneducated moron. I produced nothing but a few drops. I had one child in the NICU who nearly died at birth, and one that couldn't latch due to my nipples being flat (who knew?). I pumped, she was starving. Yes, I gave her formula. No, I never even tried to BF Ainsley, she had enough going on. No, I'm not even going to try to BF our next child.

Sorry, you hit a sore spot!

[KarynB]

Hmm...interesting thread. As an adoptive breastfeeding mom I feel very lucky to have had the chance to breastfeed DS. It has been one of the best things I've ever done. That being said, I know it isn't for everyone, and I would never suggest it should be.

I also have a 14 yr old DD who breastfed for about 6 weeks, then went to formula (I was a different mom back then). She is the healthiest of all my kids.

I know another adoptive mom in a support group that I belong to who has been yelled at for not breastfeeding - that, in my opinion, is not ok! As women we should be supporting each others decisions, not tearing each other down.

I guess the pendulum has just swung the other way. When I was a baby it was thought to be "gross and indecent" to breastfeed a baby. Now that studies have shown how good it is for both mom and babe, formula is "the bad guy". I can say - it does make me mad that a few guys are out there getting rich (formula makers) off of us - when we have the ability to produce this stuff naturally!

[crystalp]

I have 3 bio's that I wasn't able to breastfeed, and they are smart, healthy, and well adjusted. I take meds for my OCD and GERD that would pass through into the milk, and I was not going to take a chance on harming them, and it wasn't an option to stop taking the meds. Plus, my twins were very small at birth and my son was so weak we had to massage under his chin to help him swallow the half-ounce that he would take each feeding. There was no way that he could have breastfed anyways. And, for the record, I wasn't breastfed beyond the first 3 days of my life, and I have an IQ of 153! (Sore spot for me, too. LOL!)

[Fran27]

I considered trying to breastfeed until I read about all the stuff you have to put in your body to do it if you're not pregnant. Considering just the pill makes me sick... no thanks.

I agree that I've stopped going to a few forums because of it. It seems that for most parenting forums, if you're not breastfeeding and don't do the attachment parenting thing, you're a bad mom. Really annoying.

[KarynB]

Fran - just for the record - some moms are able to produce a significant amount of breastmilk just taking a few different herbs and through pumping. Also, putting baby to breast (whether bio or adopted) stimulates lactation. Other adoptive moms choose to take domperidone to increase supply - but lots of bio moms use it as well if they don't have enough milk.

As much as I think every woman should have the choice to breastfeed or not - I also really don't want moms who are considering breastfeeding to get the wrong idea, either.

[mom2justynsarah]

I breastfed my son for 3 weeks and just couldn't handle it. He wouldn't latch on, my nipples were killing me and I just felt horrible after going through a c-section. So he went on formula and that was the end of that. My daughter was adopted from birth. So she went on formula from day one. I am happy to report both children are happy, healthy, grew well, are not malnurished, etc. I do give kuddos to those women who do and can breastfeed. If that's what they chose to do, so be it. But don't tell us non breastfeeding moms that we're doing something wrong. We all need to respect the wishes and actions of other mom's who who believe in things differently.

[inhiswill]

It is so funny that in the journey through motherhood, we are so quick to judge others walking the same road we are. This exact type of argument can be replaced with SAHM or Working Mom! Why do we do this to each other?

I bf my bios, and it was a good experience. I did try abf with our first placement, but it disrupted and I quit all meds after that. Now DD has feeding issues, and she could not have been abf anyway. I think BF is fab!

HOWEVER......................

BF is not for everyone. It does not matter if you tried it, never tried it, can't do it, don't want to do it, etc.... It is okay. Shame on those who BF who may make others feel like less of a mom. As mothers we do not need the guilt of NOT BF hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives, we have enough other things to worry about!

[gigigeorge]

ugh, I hate this too ! We have friends of ours who the wife always, ALWAYS says whenever I would feed Aidan or now Owen with such a sad pathetic look on her face that it 'was so sad that I couldnt breastfeed them'... I just ignore it. But it pisses me off, why is it sad that I dont? Frankly its none of her business. I think, as OP have said, its up to each person. If you want to great, if you dont great - its your body and your child.

Both my children are very healthy and very bright. My youngest was born at 26 weeks, he was given donated breastmilk that first day to make sure he could swallow and digest, after than they put him on formula and he is perfect in every way... no health issues.

I mean, as another person said if formula was so bad there would be this whole generation of people who were bloomin idiots !!! lol.

gina.

[saranbr]

I got some of that when DD was first home (7 months) and usually shoot something back about them worrying about their own parenting while I worry about mine...

As a neonatal nurse practitioner who routinely saw 15-20 newborns/day at my past practice I saw way way too much parental guilt over formula. I always asked about feeding plans so I could provide guidance/answer questions. Most parents who were planning on formula would start with a long dissertation complete with appology about why they were choosing formula. They then got a lecture from me about them needing to make decisions within reason that work for their family-- and quit being sorry about them!

[EZ2Luv]

While I think the benefits of breast feeding are great < I would never berate, guilt or force a mother into it, be it adopted or bio baby. It is just not for everyone. My first babies were on formula and then I breastfed the others.
Motherhood and parenting does not come with a manual of what is right or wrong. It is about whatever works best for you and your family..

I know women who are so hard on themselves and actually think they are in some way a failure as a mother because baby didn't latch on or their milk was low and for some reason could not breast feed. That is just nonsense. Taking a baby to breast does not mean you are a btter mother than if you formula feed.

You baby will love you and thrive no matter how they get their nutrition.

There are plenty of babies who are unable to breastfeed and do just fine.

I never bought into the militant breast feedinggroups like LLL. Sure a lactation consultant is good if you are having trouble and need pointers on bf, but don't let anyone ever tell you that as a mother that BF is the only way to go.

My amom never breast fed me and I love her to the moon and back and she was the best mother in the world..

Just do what ever works for you.

EZ