[CourtneynCarl]

Nathaniel (aka Nate the Great), officially joined our family yesterday afternoon.

He was born June 17th, weighing 7lb 1oz, and 19" long. He is beautiful and perfect in every way. We were able to be there for his birth and brought him home from the hospital. My husband and I are simply in awe of our little man!

Nate's first mommy is the by far the bravest and most amazing woman I have ever met. The depth of her love for her baby, and her ability to make this decision has left me speechless. I was not prepared for the pure love I feel for her, or the grief. I am so glad that we have had time to get to know each other and were there for the birth, but how do you not feel conflicted when you have a front row seat for it all? I ache for my friend, and wish I could do something to take away her pain. I KNOW that job is to be the parent that I can be to our son, and to make sure that he always knows how loved he is by us all. Raising a happy, healthy, son will help her heal and reinforce her decision. I know it, but it doesn't stop the way my heart hurts for her. Tell me it gets better for everyone?

Sorry, I just meant to share the joy - but, I guess I needed to vent to people who would understand, too!

[maviskat]

Congratulations!! Enjoy every moment!!

[ourdreamcametru]

Welcome to the world Nate the Great!
Although the pain gets somewhat better and of course the joy is still huge, I still remember the day Castle was born. I living color and with every beat of my heart I still feel the overwhelming rush of emotion that everyone felt that day, the wait in "E's" hospital room leading up to the delivery of our beautiful girl to the nurse handing this amazing being to me to take to my dh who was waiting in the hall. I remember so vividly breaking down shortly after the birth because I felt so much pain for "E" at that moment that it over ran the joy. I know she is good with her decision but even now when we visit, 4 years later, I feel so strange walking away from her carrying our beautiful daugher knowing how hard it must be for her. Just as you said, giving her the best life we can and raising her to be a good, Christian person is the best gift we can give back I believe. Congrats on your new little angel, post pictures asap!

[Stormster]

I hope you don't suffer the guilt I did ....it was not your decision to place the baby and you are not responsible for her grief. There's a difference between caring about someone and how they are doing and being in a seriously co-dependent situation where you feel so guilty you cannot enjoy this special time with the baby (time we don't get back).

I still struggle with this and as Aclee once said "we can't fix" anything to do with the pain of adoption. Each member of the triad has her own experiences that she alone has to work through and this includes our children.

I'm not saying not to support her if she needs it, but I'm just saying not to let yourself feel guilty or responsible like I did and if you need more support there are some wonderful birthmothers on this board who will help with that.

Edited to add: oops CONGRATS!

[CourtneynCarl]

Let's see if I can post a pic...

[kelceesmom]

Congratulations! Welcome to the world Nate the Great. It will help that you have so much compassion and love for nates bmom. The guilt changes as time goes by and you said it, raising him to be a healthy, happy little boy is the best you can do for him. Enjoy your time.

[startedover]

I had the same feelings bor my duaghters birthmom. It gets better. And the love grows. Good luck and Congrats.

[slugbug0930]

Congrats Enjoy your wonderful baby......time goes by so fast

[loveajax]

Congratulations!!!! He is absolutely gorgeous!!!!

[adopt2010]

Congrats on the new addition...he's a cutie

[Lilly's Mommy]

Congratulations on your beautiful baby! Many of us have experienced those same conflicting feelings of joy for your gain and sadness for another's loss. As another poster said, the fact that you are moved by her pain and loss speaks to the fact that you are a caring and compassionate person, and bodes well for your future relationship.

I struggled the most during the first 6 months after Lilly was born. There were just so many unexpected issues and emotions that arose in me. This forum was very helpful to me as a sounding board.

I hope that you both will have good support, and that you will be able to enjoy these precious early days with your new baby.

[Asha0314]

Congratulations!
I am in a totally closed adoption (this was the birthmother's decision), we never met, never spoke and a year after the adoption, I still feel empathy for the grief that I know she must experience to some degree everyday, so I can only imagine what it must be like for adoptive parents who got an opportunity to personally know the birthmother.

edited to add: Of course I realize that a closed adoption has to be the birthmother's decision, I should say I did not specify a closed adoption, she did specify a closed adoption.

When I start to feel guilt, I console myself with the thought of how bless I am to be entrusted by another to raise the child they gave birth to and that I will give my daughter the best possible life so that if a reunion does occur later on, the birthmother will have little if no regrets over her decision.

[nikkianni]

Welcome Nate! And congrats! He's just beautiful.
As for your other feelings, I think these are normal. It's not comfortable for anyone (hopefully) to be OK with feeling joy at another's pain.
But like Storm said, or Aclee, this is something that you can't fix. You didn't force the adoption, and you were chosen especially to be a parent to this precious boy.
That's what I focused on as I watched DD's birthparents walking out of the hospital room while I held her. I felt the deepest guilt for being the one taking their baby. But then I realized that this was their choice and when they walked out, they did so expecting us to be the best parents in the world, because that's what we all think DD deserves. That's why we were all there. That's why we all cried, whether in joy or pain or both.
So enjoy your precious baby boy, and know that it's OK to be happy and sad.

[srhbj]

He is absolutely gorgeous. Welcome Nate and congratulations to you all.

[aclee]

So adorable...what a sweetie!


I understand how you feel about Nate's Bmom. It does get easier if you develop a relationship with her, at least it did for me. Best of luck!

Oh yeah and....BOYS ROCK!!!!