[EvilPenguin]

I'm livid and suspect that my post will be deleted. I don't even care if I'm banned but I have to say this. An agency which will remain unnamed (based in UT) flew an attorney to visit a birth mother in a Virginia hospital this morning for the sole purpose of bullying her into relinquishing her infant despite the fact that she had told them on Saturday, only hours after the birth of the child, that she had changed her mind.

No matter how badly anyone here wants a child, surely they must understand that sometimes a birth mother is going to change her mind. That's what happened. But so intent was this agency on placing an infant and pocketing the $$ that they threatened this woman with fraud charges if she backed out of their arrangement.

I understand they would want back any money they might have given her during the course of her pregnancy. But this woman happens to be an addict who is already facing jail time and who, having just given birth, is obviously in a very fragile state physically and emotionally.

They should be ashamed.

She'd wanted her child adopted in an open adoption within the state of Virginia in the hopes that she could at least see a picture of her child now and then.

They informed her that they already had a couple lined up in Georgia. I'm not sure if the baby is already on a plane to Georgia but if you're a couple who is receiving a caucasian infant, born just this weekend in VA, I thought you should know that the agency you're dealing with are thugs who have all but stolen this infant to make $$. I hold nothing against the parents who will be adopting the child but they should know what's been done in their name and in the name of cold hard cash.

Oh, and if the agency is telling you that they need $$ to pay for the mother's medical bills, that's a lie. The husband's insurance covered all but a few copayments.

This has been nothing but a nightmarish roller coaster ride and I want off. Prospective parents should be wary of the UT-based agencies (which already give birth mother's precious little time to know they've made the right choice) and birth mothers should find another agency to deal with or risk being bullied in their hospital beds into making a decision they may regret for the rest of their lives.

The family of this birth mother has told me she's absolutely devastated and they fear she may harm herself.

Shame on you Money grubbing thieves. Karma will get you in the end.

[SupaModel]

Oh my god!! How awful!!!

[aclee]

my bad list. The social worker we worked with in MO filed a grievance again the agency Ty's bmom used in UT. We paid them for the match, but I wish we hadn't had anything to do with them. Ty is our son, and we love him, but their treatment of bmom's is horrific. I thank god M didn't make her plane to UT, so she was in MO and got the care and support she needed. We aren't finalized, and even though I don't think they could do much, I won't risk it, so I won't say which agency we used. I think all aparents should be aware of the practices that many UT agencies use against bmom's. I'm happy to elaborate by PM.

Sending prayers for that bmom.

[BrandyHagz]

I won’t delete the thread - but I did edit it to remove the portion where you named the agency by initials, even though you said they should remain 'unnamed'.

I am fine with this thread being here - I think we all know there are bad professionals out there...but if it turns towards agency discussion (even innuendo) - I will delete and take further action if needed.

[RavenSong]

I am absolutely horrified to hear about this situation. There really should be some serious legislative reform of the adoption laws and adoption-industry practices on a federal level, IMO.

I'll keep the birthmom in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she doesn't harm herself in any way.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Sadly, I'm not surprised.

Jaded. Too jaded.

[ckbqb77]

This sucks that this has happened. I have recently become aware of some tactics the agency we used to adopt our child years ago. I am sickened by it, especially after speaking with our child's first mother and what her experiences were. "My" agency was not out of Utah. But coersion techniques were used on her. She nearly made the decision to use a different agency at the last minute. I am mortified that I hired these people to represent me. Horrified. Disgusted. I used to think that agencies who did this were in the minority. I am not sure that is the case now.

I have apologized to our child's other Mother for their behavior, and verbalized how inappropriate they were. I think she understands that we would NEVER have allowed those things to be said.

I am so sorry this happened again. Truely sorry.

[lahdh4]

Not at all surprised.

[Cjmeck]

OMG, I am just stunned... How in the world is this even possible? What is wrong with people? How do they even go to sleep at night? Can this bmom get an attorney and fight this?

[Stormster]

I can't believe this kind of stuff still happens. Though when someone stands to profit ....the almighty dollar almost ALWAYS brings out the worst in people. Sounds like the agency also didn't want to "lose face" in front of their clients when the reality is we aparents get over failed matches and placements ...as those of us who have souls know: mothers never get over something like this. This is going to come back and bit them in the butts I can promise you.

[Momtonick]

Could you post this on Adoption Agency Ratings

If we all utilize this site re: our experiences with agencies, finally PAP's will have a place to go to get some first hand information. That has been the biggest hurdle for me this past year.

[elledarcy]

I am surprised that an agency would act like this (and also shocked). From what our agency told us about 30% of the e-moms who approach them opt not to place in the end. It can’t be that this agency has never had an e-mom not place. They must have made allowances for this. A-parents don’t pay per match (or at least in our case we didn’t), but in most cases they will move onto the next match (in which case the agency still gets paid in the end). I don’t know if this is motivated purely by money or from a desire to look “good” to potential a-parents who want to sign with an agency that has a fair amount of placements and shorter waiting times.

In my state at least, the agency or the a-parents have no right to collect back money that was given to an e-mom. Can this mom fight the TPR signing? Can she contact legal aid if she has no money for a lawyer? Can she contact her congressional rep or other state political folks? I feel badly for the adoptive parents in this case (since the baby, apparently, is already with them), but no one should be able to raise a child through adoption without the informed consent of its parents.

[islandfamily]

I'm not 100% sure on the details here, so please don't quote me! That being said:

We are working an agency that had been contacted by a young woman looking for an adoptive couple for her child. She intended to travel from her home state to Utah for the birth. It was quite some time ago, so it was not this particular birth mom.

Anyway, the birth mom ended up choosing a Utah agency rather than our agency, because (according to our agency rep) Utah law allows agencies to give a lump sum payment to birth moms, over and above the pregnancy and other costs. Our agency rep said they could obviously not do that, as our state law considers such payments "baby selling." Our agency rep indicated that a lot of birth moms ended up dealing with agencies in states with laws like Utah's and that there were frequently some dirty deals.

I am horrified that anything like what you describe could happen, but sadly, I'm not surprised.

Although our wait may be a lot longer, we will stick with our current agency because we have seen nothing but honest, aboveboard, compassionate care from them toward birth moms and adoptive couples.

Agencies that operate the way you describe should be shut down!!!

[BrandyHagz]

Just to clear up any misinformation previously posted. Here are the laws in Utah.

Birth Parent Expenses Allowed
Citation: § 76-7-203


Actual and reasonable legal expenses
Maternity expenses
Related medical and hospital costs
Necessary living expenses


Birth Parent Expenses Not Allowed
Citation: § 78-30-14.5
Payments for adoption-related expenses may only be made in accordance with § 76-7-203.

Allowable Payments for Arranging Adoption
Citation:

Not addressed in statutes reviewed

Allowable Payments for Relinquishing Child
Citation: § 76-7-203
It is unlawful to sell a child or to make payment to induce a mother to place a child or to consent to the adoption of her child.

Allowable Fees Charged by Department/Agency
Citation: § 78-30-14(3)
The division shall charge the petitioner a reasonable fee for the services provided.

Accounting of Expenses Required by Court
Citation: § 78-30-15.5
Prior to the entry of the final decree, an affidavit regarding fees and expenses, signed by the adoptive parents and the person or agency placing the child, shall be filed with the court. The affidavit shall itemize:
All expenses paid, per § 76-7-203
Fees paid by the adoptive parent
All gifts, property, or other items that have been provided to the birth parents
All public funds used for any medical or hospital costs
A description of services provided

[aclee]

When M delivered in MO instead of making it to UT as they had planned for her, the agency immediately flew out two "birth mother support" workers whom we were told were social workers. I was amazed they would provide that support for her, but also interested if these were "pressure" people. I contacted our social worker in MO (who says herself, and the attny also said is one of the most impartial social workers in the state) to let her know. I didn't want added pressure for M. We get there and these two YOUNG girls really appear, and 1) they aren't social workers, and 2) they are birth mother support. They are ADOPTIVE mothers who spent their time there telling M how much they love their adopted black children. As soon as we were on-site I asked M if she liked them and wanted them to stay. She sort of shrugged her shoulders and said, well I guess it was nice to have a few people around me that did support adoption I guess (the hospital was horrible). In the end they left...they provided no opportunities for counseling or support, and basically said right to us that they had to schedule their time so one was ALWAYS with M...because the nurses were trying to change her mind. M was a strong women, sure in her choice, but if a nurse could change her mind, we shouldn't have been there! They were two women sent to "get the job done" and disliked our social worker, and further advised us to take actions that would have delayed our ICPC (remove the baby right from the hospital, which isn't allowed!) It was a mess.

You know what I got from the the agency that I liked? Besides Ty, cause I am grateful that they made our match for us....they sent us a nice Pooh blanket that Ty loves. Other than that, they haven't done squat, for us, or for (more importantly) M. It took them a month to get her the minor expenses promised to her, and they managed to blame that on US. She also asked for the color copy of the profile (she had been faxed copies to choose from) and that took them almost 3 months. She even laughed and said, GOSH when I was pregnant they sure got everything overnight to me, but now they have your money, I can't get the time of day. She knew what was up.

Oh yeah, and when she called, she called a 1 800 number located in her LOCAL phone book. She spoke with them on 3 occasions for over an hour each time before she even knew they were in UTAH.

Even more wonderful? Bmom's that fly to UT and then, in that tiny little window of time, decide to parent, get a 3-6K hospital bill and a find your own way home, in response. How many bmom's faced with that would/could stand strong in their choice to parent. They are told they get a one way ticket to UT because they don't know when they will deliver, which is true, but it's also so the agency doesn't have to pay to get them home if they decide to parent. NICE LEVERAGE! Because they are in UT less than 30 days, they don't qualify for Medicaid and the agency will not "negotiate" their reduced hospital rate and the bmom gets stuck with all those bills too (even if they would have been covered by Medicare in their own state) When we figured this all out, we decided we would not adopt any infant where the bmom had flown to UT to deliver. In a way, Ty was our perfect find. Had M made it to UT, we wouldn't have considered the match.