[kschandler]

I need a little advice. We are meeting with our attorney today for the 1st time & I am too impatient to wait for this advice so I thought I would throw it out to you all.
We were approached by a friend whose daughter (17) is pregnant & wants to give the baby up & she specifically asked her parents if my husband and I would adopt the baby. The bfather is 15 & does not believe she is pregnant. His parents have been in contact with the bmother & her parents & they have said that THEY want the baby IF she is even pregnant. Can they get custody? They have said in a round about way that they could really use the extra welfare money. I feel the baby would be better off with us but who am I to judge? His parents have also said that they would do whatever it takes to keep their family together but if they are on welfare they obviously can't afford an attorney...right? Any thoughts?

[Fran27]

I think it will depend a lot on what the state laws are... Can she make the decision without her parents' consent? Will she resist the pressure? I'm sure your attorney will be more helpful though...

[kschandler]

Fran27, thank you for your reply
The emom will be 18 when she delivers so her parents will not need to consent. I guess all I can do is wait to TT our attorney.

[BethanyB]

If the father's family wants to keep the child than that would probably be the best scenerio for the child. In order to adopt a child you have to have consent from both parents. It sounds like you won't get that from the fathers side.

[blessedbybug]

As hard as it would be, this might be a situation from which you should step away. Consent has to come from both parents of the child, and this is a decision that the expecting parents and their families need to work out. As you said, nobody is in a position to judge with whom this child would be "better off".

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by blessedbybug

As hard as it would be, this might be a situation from which you should step away. Consent has to come from both parents of the child, and this is a decision that the expecting parents and their families need to work out. As you said, nobody is in a position to judge with whom this child would be "better off".

I absolutely must agree 100% with Tammy on this one.

[elledarcy]

It depends what state you're in... your attorney will have to delve into the specifics. Your attorney does specialize in adoption, correct?

I guess maybe I agree with what someone else said that you might want to step back from the situation.

[Fran27]

I agree that you probably don't want to be in the middle of it... but if the girl really doesn't want her child to be with her parents, she might have her reasons too. Just be careful!

[Gs_Mom]

Just throwing this out there .....

In our situation, the birth mother had only limited information about the potential birth fathers.

I was not entirely comfortable in having the rights terminated through publication (as allowed in that state) without further investigation and attempts to contact them and obtain their consents. I did not want to have to explain to my son many many years from now that there is a man out there who is his biological father who would have wanted to raise him, but that we somehow interfered with his right to do so. Even though in my heart of hearts I believe we will provide a better home for him ... as you said who am I to judge.

Food for thought.

[kschandler]

Thank you all for your advice
We just got back from the attorney & he brought up a good point...we have never talked to HIM about what HE wants...his parents have stated (while screaming at the emom) that they want the child, but the bfather has never said one way or the other. We obviously have to discuss the situation with him & if he is willing to consent, then we are good to go! In our state the bgrandparents have no LEGAL say in the matter, even though the bfather is a minor. So now our emom has to have the uncomfortable confrontation with the bfather.
If this baby is meant for us, it will all work out. If not, we will just wait until God decides to send us our angel

[startedover]

I had this exact same situation. And I have a different opinon from everyone here. My dauthers birthmoms' dad and mom (separtely because of divorce) wanted the baby. They even contacted lawers. Our birthmom was out on her own so she was influenced less by them than probably your situation, but she DID NOT want them raising the baby (for whatever her reasons. first I think her mom was an absent mom but whatever). I didn't understand why she wouldn't want them to, but by the pure stoke of God, our dd birth grandpa learned where she was and he has become a very important person in her life. And he himself has said now that things have turned out the way they have, he feels she made the right decision. I am sure this will work out exactly the way it is meant to. PM me if you want anymore of my situation.

[concerned70]

Sorry to here your delima . I am in somewhat of the situation . My son is 18 his g/f is 16 and they are expecting . I have known about this for a few months but her parents did not know. She has more than once sais she does not want the baby , she was talking abortion I know now her parents know and they are tellin her she can give it up for adoption and they will stand behind her in her decison on what she plans to do. I know my son wants the baby but he is unsure that he could have the baby . We are all telling him we will do what needs to be done . I am just worried that the courts wont give the baby to him because he is in the Military and will be traveling alot . They are no longer together. I want the baby !! But not sure what I can do. I just know that there is this precious baby coming into a world that the mother does not want and it hurts to knwo that it is my grandbaby . I wish you the best .

[BethanyB]

concerned70, your son's gf cannot place the child for adoption without his consent. If he wants to raise his child, he can. There are many single parents who serve in the military. If you are willing to be there for the child if he has to be deployed than that would be a great support for him. Remember they cannot place the child UNLESS your son agrees. I wish you luck!

[Fran27]

I agree with Bethany, but you'll have to be on top of things, and might have to ask for a paternity test and keep track of her pregnancy etc. Depending on the state she could not name him as the father, or lie and say it's someone else's child etc. Definitely have a look at your State laws. I hope it will be smooth!

[MlynnBrrtt]

If your state has a putitive fathers registry...have your son sign up ASAP so he has the best chance of gaining custody after birth. Because in some non-ethical situations a father's rights can be trumped, a woman can lie, or claim she does not know who the father is....he should do this to be safe. There are many loopholes in the system that allow for father's rights to be trampled. If he is a fit parent...there is no reason why the courts shouldn't grant him custody before any adoption occurs. The courts usually favor a parent over a "non" parent(ie another party petitioning for custody). Putitive father's registries are about the best way to ensure that the courts know a man is a potential father and is commited to parenting the child.