[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by oceanica

Thanks everybody.
I know I could get a lot better deal in terms of cost bec I am adopting an aa baby. The total cost at my agency will only be around $1200 and that's great if it would work out. But where they got me is the time factor. This is a huge nationwide entity and they say they have a lot of emoms they are dealing with. They say their average match time is 4 months, and the woman who talked to told me it would probably only take days to get one in my circumstance. That really got my attention! I've been sitting here waiting for almost a year and nothing is happening. My agency told me it would "probably" take between 1 and 6 months and yet they have the same 31 couples on their website forever it seems. When she said I could be matched in days I almost had a heart attack. I guess what I mean is I wouldn't mind paying all that if it would lead to getting a baby more quickly. I'd rather have a light wallet and a baby than to be sitting around for another 2 years and saving money. I'm almost 40 years old ya know! Getting up there. DH thinks I'm getting carried away.

What always raises a red flag for me is when the higher amount of money is associated with a quicker time to placement. Ethics and how the expectant moms are treated are more important than adopting quickly. I'm not saying that all "quick" matches aren't ethical, that's not it at all. I know for some it works out quicker than others. And longer waits don't mean that everything was done right.

But it seems so much like bribery for an agency to ask for so much money upfront to get a quick or quicker match. To me it seems predatory, because those who feel anxious or have waited a long time, even some who feel desperate for something to happen, might be more willing to pay the fees, and in the end, the "agency" doesn't have to keep any promises about a quick placement. But they've got your money. And it just seems like their motive is money. Maybe it is. It just doesn't sit well with me at all. Thankful again that things are more regulated where I am.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by oceanica

I'm almost 40 years old ya know! Getting up there. DH thinks I'm getting carried away.

Age is just a number. You have to live with this decision, how your child came to you, for a lifetime. My DH turned 50 the year DD was born. He is a wonderful father. I'm 40 now and loving every minute of our life right now. I'm glad I can examine every element of our adoption journey and know we didn't compromise for the sake of things happening faster. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but it may be something to think about. Blessings on your journey...

[Fran27]

I'm curious how an agency could only charge $1200 total though? Just the homestudy would cost that in most places.

If it's not a typo, I'd definitely stick with them, save yourself a lot of money and use it for a college found or another adoption.

Just IMO.

[oceanica]

I meant to say $12000!

[Linny]

We've adopted several times. Five infants to be exact. Before our fourth baby came, I really started exploring the options of joining other agencies/attorneys, etc. I started calling to many agencies all over the US. One agency (that's fairly popular even now).....told me they placed SO many babies...told me we could have a baby SO quickly....went on to talk about how dh and I would be in the delivery room, how we'd be right there, etc.
I know there are several on this site that have dealt with that agency....but their tone on 'YOU could have a baby SO quickly!"....combined with the 'talk' of delivery room, how 'wonderful' it would all be, etc.....REALLY sent off red flags to me.
I think these kinds of agencies (or facilitators, which are NOT my choice, even if we could in this state).......prey on the emotions of hopeful adoptive parents. (And I think I said this in my previous post.)

And, when I was really starting to think we ought to deal with more agencies that gave this kind of 'speak'.....our adoption attorney (also a friend) said to me, "Linny.....remember, an agency can tell you all they want that they'll find a baby for you....BUT, it's the birthmother who'll be choosing you.....NOT the agency!!"

And that hit a chord with me. Yes, we've had agency-picks too...and yes, that doesn't always happen. But.....to remember that it's not an agency who decides these things (even in a closed adoption)........but the emom who's looking through those profiles.

Money is money. If a emom is choosing based on the kind of $$ she can have (and I've heard of more than one)......that's pretty sad, indeed. I'd rather know the emom to my child chose us based on what she wanted for her child---rather than money.
We work with several agencies/attorneys at one time. We refuse to work with agencies/attorneys that charge ridiculous fees...no matter HOW quickly they promise a baby. We're not rich, but we've adopted five infants; and our longest wait has been 18months---only because we requested a specific gender. Otherwise, our wait has been no more than 4months each time. There's always a first time, I agree......but $$ will not be the over-riding factor for us.

Just my two-cents......

Sincerely,

Linny

[mondk]

Hello...we adopted a biracial (part CC part AA) infant via private adoption atty and the total cost was $16k...that included emom expenses and her counseling too, plus all the legal fees. If you would like more info about the atty, PM me. He does a lot of AA/biracials and will reduce his fees accordingly.

I think I'm pretty sure which agency/facilitator you are referring to and if it is the one I think it is...be wary. If you have time, PM me the name and I'll let you know.

Blessings, Michelle