[Adopted-B-4]

They call her "Miss" and her first name. I think mainly because that's what we call her to them. I don't think she has a preference or has never said if she does.

[Stormster]

Brock if DS ultimately chooses to call his birthmother mom I would probably feel very proud to be part of an extremely successful open adoption!

But now, while still making these decisions for him I am choosing to do the thing that honors her and makes us feel comfortable.

[BrockBaby]

Stormster...I think you are doing a wonderful job!!!! Your child is blessed to have a mom who is so understanding.

[RobinKay]

It is different for us as our ason became ours when he was older--we adopted our nephew when he was age 6 1/2. He had many memories and deep love for his birthparents. Sadly, he also had deep anger and fear over the neglect and drug issues in the birth parents home. Add to that the intense relationship the foster parents pressed on him--he is sorting it all out.

Dh and I decided several things for ds as he was just "done" with adults asking him questions. We cut off contact with foster parents due to their non-supportive, inappropriate attitude.

What is pertinent to this thread is we have told birth parents to refer to themselves with their first names. Things started as "Mommy T**** and Daddy R****. As ds has grown more secure and has been here almost two years, we see him regress and in emotional pain when there is contact with birth parents. That is the reason we went to first names for them. We have also suspended phone calls for now. All contact will be letters between the adults.

As our ds grows, he will have the freedom to choose what he wants to call his birthparents. He may certainly decide to call them mom and dad, and he will have our support.

My long-winded point is each case is different, each situation special and unique. I applaud all the posters for all their thought and caring on this issue.

[timni]

We refer to dd bmom as Bema, we all thought birthmom sounded formal and in the South we don't teach our kids to call adults casually by their first names so E was pretty much out. Aunt E didn't sound right so we came up with a word. Belle knows who I am talking about when I say E, or Bema, or Birthmom. She usually says Bema. but she is 2 so things can always change.

[icunurse]

We refer to the birthparents of both of our children by their first names, something we agreed upon before placement. Mama ____ or other variations just sound kinda forced and strange for me to use. We use Auntie when we refer to my two closest friends (as in "Auntie Sue is coming over today), but that just doesn't seem right to us, as a bparent relationship is so much more. I don't believe in children calling adults by their first names out of respect and authority, but I think the relationship between a bmom and her child goes beyond formalities. If my kids come up with a cuter name to call their bmom's or choose to call them Mom (and it's okay with their bmoms), then that's fine by me (though I selfishly hope I will be the only one to have the name/title Mom). But, for now, the only adult they have in their lives without a formal name or title in their bmoms.....calling a person by their first name is personal and what can be more personal than the relationship that they have with their bmoms?

[Stormster]

Icun I hear you. DS has many adult cousins (and sibs) who he will by first names though. Also, where we live it seems nobody uses Mr. or Mrs. (I don't like it at all) so for us the first name wouldn't be unique at all. Probably why it didn't seem personal enough to us. The way things are going he's going to be calling everyone and everything "Dadadadada" though.

New word please!

[Tudu]

We adotped Em as an infant, we always called her mother by her first name but referred to her as her Mother. In person, we introduced her as "Em's other Mother". As she began to speak she called her Other Mother but it came out "Udder Mudder". (I was flamed here a long time ago for that even though it was not meant that her mother had udders) She eventually understood it was Mother not other Mother and called her that or her first name. At about 6, Em asked if she could call her Mom, I told her to call her whatever they both agreed on b/c I knew her mother doesn't like the term mommy. They agreed on Mom. She calls her father, Bubba. (yes, we are in the South)



My other kids came calling their parents both by their first name and MOm and Dad. After 2 years and a lot of anger, it is by their first names except when they are mad at me. LOL