[jren]

DD is 4 and calls her birthmom by her first name.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Stormster

Don't know yet. Always planned on first names but now it doesn't feel quite right (to me).

Honestly I will be referring to H's bmom as A***** also our adoption isn't as open as some people so i'm not sure if or when we will all be together.

As of now I don't really feel bad about that.

[sarahbunny]

By her first name here as well. Mommy name would sound very strange to me in my family. But it is great if others find that works for them, of course.

[court5505]

We do the first name as well.

[loveajax]

My DD is 3 and calls her birth parents by their first names (for now).

[Free_to_be_me]

I'm almost always called by my first name but, every once in a while I am called "Birthmother." She has been calling me both names since she was a baby. Even though it seems like it would be awkward, it works for us.

[mom2justynsarah]

My 3 1/2 year old daughter calls her bmom by her first name. It may or not change in the future. But regardless, Dee is definetly her first mom!

[elledarcy]

Our DD is 3 months so doesn't call her birthmom anything right now. We use her first name or say, "your birthmom" when talking about her.

When we talked about it, J agreed to be called J. We also agreed that if she thought of a nickname or DD called her something cute that we would use that. She did send DD a card about a month ago and signed it "Mom," which kind of upset me a little because I thought we had all agreed on the first name.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable having DD call J anything with mom in it. I guess I want that title for myself. I am the one living with her, feeding her, changing her, holding her, singing to her, and taking care of her every day, so I feel like I can expect to be called “Mom,” not J (not to take away from the nine months J took care of her). Maybe I am being selfish, but that's how I feel.

If DD wanted to call her "Mom" when she was older, that would be her choice and I would respect her wishes. I guess because things are very new now I feel kind of sensitive about it.

[Tunay4754]

We refer to them as Momma _"first name"_. We pray for them by these names with the boys even though they are too young to understand at 18 & 24 months.

Tunay

[startedover]

I will probably take some heat for this, as this is not the first time we have had this question, but as I see it right now well will probably call her aunt "b". THe reason is that birthmom labeled herself that. I am comfortable with it and since it was her idea that is the route I am finally going to go. I live in the south and Miss so in so or mr so in so is how we TRY and raise our children. I don't want my daughter calling her birthmom "b" because it is a respect thing. I will explain the difference in aunt "b" and her other aunts. I don't expect it to be an issue as my favorite aunt gail was actually my older cousin. And since birthmom labeled herself aunt "b" I don't have to ponder the issue of a form of mom as a name for her.

[mom2justynsarah]

Since this is YOUR life, and YOUR family, you don't have to explain or justify any decisions that are made between you and your daughter's bmom.

Originally Posted by startedover

I will probably take some heat for this, as this is not the first time we have had this question, but as I see it right now well will probably call her aunt "b". THe reason is that birthmom labeled herself that. I am comfortable with it and since it was her idea that is the route I am finally going to go. I live in the south and Miss so in so or mr so in so is how we TRY and raise our children. I don't want my daughter calling her birthmom "b" because it is a respect thing. I will explain the difference in aunt "b" and her other aunts. I don't expect it to be an issue as my favorite aunt gail was actually my older cousin. And since birthmom labeled herself aunt "b" I don't have to ponder the issue of a form of mom as a name for her.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by elledarcy

Our DD is 3 months so doesn't call her birthmom anything right now. We use her first name or say, "your birthmom" when talking about her.

When we talked about it, J agreed to be called J. We also agreed that if she thought of a nickname or DD called her something cute that we would use that. She did send DD a card about a month ago and signed it "Mom," which kind of upset me a little because I thought we had all agreed on the first name.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable having DD call J anything with mom in it. I guess I want that title for myself. I am the one living with her, feeding her, changing her, holding her, singing to her, and taking care of her every day, so I feel like I can expect to be called “Mom,” not J (not to take away from the nine months J took care of her). Maybe I am being selfish, but that's how I feel.

If DD wanted to call her "Mom" when she was older, that would be her choice and I would respect her wishes. I guess because things are very new now I feel kind of sensitive about it.

I totally agree with you.

[Stormster]

Had interesting conversation with E's birthmother last night. I asked her what she would like to be called and she said "whatever you guys want" and I said "what would YOU want? Let's discuss it together" and she said she didn't know.

Then she let me know that when people ask her how many children she had she says 2. (These two are being raised by their respective paternal grandparents) ...2 others including DS were placed for adoption. Ours is very open but the other started open and then closed. When I asked her why she didn't say she had four children she said she "gets very sad when she thinks about (daughter she lost contact with)" I told her I would expect she would say E was her son (she's uncomfortable because she though we would be!). Anyway, that was way OT but it was just part of the conversation.

So then we decided on Mama _____ with her nickname.
I think for me it is also a respect thing. Like a little kid calling an adult by first name without something first is a bit weird to me. When I was growing up we called our friends parents Mr. & Mrs. and I assume kids still do it though my sister's kids friends call them by first names so I don't know.

Anyway, E's favorite Nanny "Nellie" she always called me Mamma"G" and I thought it was cute.

I don't feel threatened by the term. I think Mom would be hard for me but I like this. Nobody in our family uses the term Mama at all though I think it is a lovely word. And she was really over the moon about it. I also think if we call her that from the beginning it will sink in who she is to him...what the special relationship is.

[MommaD]

My 3 year old calls his birth mom Momma Hey. "Hey" is his version of her first name (but is nothing close LOL).

[BrockBaby]

Growing up in a closed adoption, par for the course since I was born in '76, I did not "call" my bmom anything, but when I thought of her I would think of her in terms of "the lady who gave birth to me". Because we as a family didn't discuss adoption (other then to tell me I was adopted) I didn't hear a lot of terms to cnsider her, and being that I was a child who "got things" at an early age, I understood that she was the lady that gave birth to me, and I wanted very much to know who she was. Today's children, in open adoptions, don't have to wonder about who the 'lady that gave birth to them" is...but can know her as the wonderful person she is to them. I think it is a VERY personal thing as to what name you choose to use. Ultimately, I think it should be the child's decision, and no guilt should be placed on that child for whatever name he/she chooses. It is tricky though, because the adults in the situation are the ones who have to initially decide what the "name" is going to be....once I found out my bmom's name, I would refer to her as MY D, because I was not comfortable using the "mom" names. I still call her by her first name when speaking with her, and when speaking about her I usually say my bmom, to people who don't know...and either D or My D to those who do. This really is a tricky thing....

I applaud you for digging in and thinking about things like this!!