[mommamarci]

I talked to my older sister today. We will call her O. She was telling me she is having issues with her 3 year old DD. My younger sister (call her Y) is watching the kids every Wed. for one hour while O tutors a child. (Y has an internship in their town and stays with them 3 days a week.) Last week B (3 year old) said to Y, "I don't love you. I only love my mommy." Y acted hurt and like she was going to cry and told B that was not very nice. O, my older sister, (the mom) thinks it is Y's fault. She thinks Y needs to act immediately and discipline. She said Y should have immediately sent B to her room and not had a reaction.

What do you think? Dh and I are a little bothered by this because we don't feel Y should be the one disciplining. We don't feel a baby-sitter should have that role. (Now daycare is slightly different. I am just referring to an occasional sitter.) I am supposed to watch B next week and am a little concerned now...

How would you feel? Would you expect the aunt to discipline or to tell you and let you handle it?

(I hope this made sense...)

[crystalp]

Truthfully, my first thought was why would you react that strongly to a 3 y.o. saying that? She's three. She's going to say things that she doesn't fully understand what they mean or how they effect people. To be sent to time out for what she said seems a bit harsh to me. Having a talk with her about her feelings would probably be more appropriate. She probably didn't mean it quite the way it came out. Maybe she was just expressing that she missed her mommy and didn't want Y to be there right at that moment (although the way she did it wasn't very effective).

Anyways, off my soapbox now. I think babysitters do have to discipline a little, (not to the extent that a parent does, though) or else the kids will go insane while the babysitter is there.

[binkybear]

As far as disiplining when watching your niece I think that it's ok to do what your sister is comfortable with you doing. Time out chairs, room time outs, etc are all ok with me personally if the parent is setting those guides ahead of time.

As an aunt who watches her niece on a full time basis (I guess I'm technically in a nanny role, but don't think of it this way because I'm her auntie) I don't view this particular situation as an area that needed immediate "disipline" perse. I probably would have just said to my niece, "oh that's too bad because I love you very very much" and then stepped back to see where she would have taken it. A 3 year old could be saying in her own way "hey I miss my mom and this is how I'm letting you know that." I guess over all it depends on the child and what their "normal" behavior is. If this was out of character she could just have been having a bad day or moment, we all have those!

edited for spelling

[Leigh131313]

I really don't see a reason to discipline for THAT. My response would be "Well I still love YOU" and I'd change the topic.


Seems a bit extreme to me. Besides, she should be allowed to feel how she feels.

[loveajax]

My SIL (DD's aunt) did daycare for me three days a week. I specifically ASKED her to discipline DD.

But this is something I can't imagine disciplining over? I would have reacted as your sis (babysitter) did. I also would NEVER get upset at how someone treated my kid while they were doing me a favor and watching them!!! (as long as they weren't cruel!).

[mommamarci]

Okay, that was my thinking also. I thought my older sister should have just had a talk with her about it later.

My sister and I don;t see eye to eye at all. I actually called today to wish said niece a happy birthday. (I missed it by a day. It was yesterday. Darn Mommy brain...) Anyway they were in the car and B was yelling and throwing a fit. I told my sis to tell her I was sorry I missed it and tell her I said Happy Birthday. My sis responded with, "Okay, and I will tell her you did not want to talk to her because she was not behaving in the car." I was a little bothered by that, but it is not my place to tell her how to raise her kids...

[SchmennaLeigh]

I don't know a 3 year old that hasn't said some variation of, "I don't like you/this/that, I only like them/this/that." It's not as if B called her a bad word.

[Stormster]

Why would someone discipline a 3 year old for saying that???? Maybe I'm way off base but that seems kind of harsh and not age appropriate?

[Adopted-B-4]

I would not expect the younger sister to discipline the child and certainly not for saying something I think every child has said at one time or another. For a 3 year old, I think the reaction she had was fine and to tell them that we shouldn't say things like that because it hurts people and to say "how would you feel if I said I don't love you?" kind of helps. Our twins have said this a few times recently, it burns but it isn't discipline worthy as far as I am concerned. It doesn't get the point across like acting hurt and explaining it to them. My babysitter does discipline, in that she takes toys or sends them to time-out but she is our usual babysitter and more like family to us.

[kelceesmom]

Disciplining over that I don't think so. A 3 year probably doesn't even quite know what that means. Probably just heard it somewhere and is repeating it. I would have said well I love you and move on to the next thing.

Kelcee will tell me she doesn't like me sometimes and I tell I'm sorry to hear that and in the next breath she is saying sorry and can we play.

[nikkianni]

I don't see the need to do any disciplining over that. I can't think of a 3 year old I know or have ever known that hasn't come out with that one from time to time. And often the pretending to cry/letting them know that wasn't nice thing works better than anything else. Kids that age generally respond to that better.
As far as who should do the disciplining: I think I'm in the minority here, but my family was very close when I was growing up and we remain close now. We're very much It Takes a Village I guess you could say. Though I don't think anyone's actually heard of that in my family.
We all do the disciplining. My kid, BIL's kid, a cousin's kid, doesn't matter. Whoever's nearest if a parent isn't around disciplines. Of course that also includes reporting the bad behavior to the appropriate parent.

[yehudit]

My 2 cents. I think it's perfectly OK for a babysitter or any trusted adult to discipline a child as long as it's done appropriately. That way the child gets the message -- one hopes -- that you act nicely all the time, no matter who's there.

I don't think discipline was required in this case. My son used to say such things at 3, and I think it was because he didn't unerstand that you can love more than one person and that love comes in a variety of shades and degrees. As besides, he probably DOES love you more than anyone else. I like the fake crying bit and and explaining that "I love you no metter how you feel about me."

Good luck,

[Yash]

Nikkianni, my family is like yours. Whoever is around at the time dishes out the discipline. It definitely takes a village.

[Stormster]

To the OP not all of us responded directly to your post, sorry!

I would let my sister discipline DS if she was comfortable but ultimately I feel it is our responsibility. We've had many many issues with me disciplining my nephew though mostly because he's pretty hot to handle and I was not an experienced mom as he was growing up. I felt like sitting was enough and we just got to have fun.

So I think it may be appreciated but shouldn't be expected because sitting is a favor. Even with your sisters' arrangement.

[Slatond10]

Does that comment require discipline ... I think I would have responded ... " I am your aunt and I love you!"... and let that be it!