[gottahavehope]

Have you or will you tell your children's teachers that they are adopted?


My answer is No. Not unless, there becomes a reason to, like a project he struggles with, a rude comment, or my son's own desire.

What about all of you?

[specialk4b]

My son is Chinese and we are caucasian, so it will probably be obvious once they've met us. I think for preschool, it will be helpful that his teachers know that he's recently home from China. In later grades, I will probably let it ride and wait to see if it comes up.

[crick]

I have because situations warranted it very early on. The first situation that happened was the "Baby Picture" and "Family Tree" situation and that presented some problems for us. I took the opportunity to teach the teacher that not every family is the "typical" family and she was really appreciative actually.

I don't just announce it "HEY!" lol, but I do like the teachers to be aware especially now that my kids are older because other kids know etc. and situations are bound to happen. I find it more helpful if the teachers are aware so that they can handle situations in class etc. as they happen. It helps them to support my child and that's a good thing.

I do balance it out with my kids' desire though, and do let them lead.

[lovemy2boys]

Our kids just finished 3 y.o. preschool and kindergarden.

Both teachers knew the kids were adopted. We became friends with the preschool teacher, and it came up in our normal lives...We also have a great relationship with the kg. teacher, and as AJ had different discussions in school, we felt comfortable letting them the teachers know. One of their discussions revolved around how special and different every family was (talked about step families, families with few or many children, etc.) I told AJ's teacher he was adopted at that point in case he discussed his family, she would know where he was coming from.

As for first grade, we'll take that as it comes as well. AJ will pave the way for JD. Chances are they will have many of the same teachers since they go to a very small school.

[aclee]

Since we're CC, and Ty's AA, I figure if they don't get it, they shouldn't be teaching J/K...

My new theory on the subject is that most people will assume he's adopted, and if they don't...well if they are going to talk, might as well give them something good to talk about. I'm sure there are some that will dream up my sorrid affair with an AA man, so let them have at it...

Okay I'm cracking myself up here...anyone else laughing? No? Okay, sorry...

[crick]

Aclee...you HAVE to have your back up story, it's a must for any family, imo.

We have one too since all the boys have red hair and we do not. Some raise eyebrows at that and wonder "hmmmmm" so we have on a few occaisions given them my affair with the mailman in a joking way. LOL!

In all seriousness though, if I met you & your son at a school function, without hubby, I would not assume adoption at all. (would just assume you were married to a man of a different race) If you were together though I would assume adoption. Not really good of me to do since that doesn't necessarily work that way. lol!

[blessedbybug]

I ended up telling DD's teacher around Mother's Day. I did it just to give her a heads up because DD talks about her "Other Mom" or her "Birth Mom" to others at times. It's normal to her. And since DD in all her creativity can also make some pretty outlandish stories (she is going to be a fiction write I am certain of it) I decided I better give the teacher a heads up.

And it ended up being a good thing because when DD brought it up, her teacher was able to relate as she was raised by someone other than her First Mom, who died when she was young. They could relate.

I will continue to use my discretion as my children's parent.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by aclee

Since we're CC, and Ty's AA, I figure if they don't get it, they shouldn't be teaching J/K...

My new theory on the subject is that most people will assume he's adopted, and if they don't...well if they are going to talk, might as well give them something good to talk about. I'm sure there are some that will dream up my sorrid affair with an AA man, so let them have at it...

Okay I'm cracking myself up here...anyone else laughing? No? Okay, sorry...

That is funny! I'm with you about leaving it up to them to figure it out. You don't have to explain yourself. But... I never assume adoption is the story. Ever. I live in a very diverse part of a very diverse city. No assumptions.

[Eponine]

We told DS's daycare (he's only 6 months old, so no real-life experience with schools yet).

Partly it was because half the day care staff already new - small town, they know me and news travels fast here. Partly we just wanted it out in the open so that once DS does start talking if he talks about birthmom or "Mama S" they know what he is talking about.

[Vogi2002]

I will probably tell...only because he might mention his birthparents, etc & I want her to know what he is talking about.

Maybe I share it too much, but I usually tell it to most of the people in his life...of course I wouldn't go out of my way.

[Fran27]

I will tell - I don't want to put them in uncomfortable situations that could have been avoided.

[loveajax]

I am such a flake that I can't remember if I have said anything or not. I always think it is "obvious" that DD is adopted and I guess I shouldn't assume that.

I have a spinoff question...A friend of mine has a kid in preschool. Another a mom "demanded" that the preschool celebrate her kid's "adoption day." To tell you the truth, we don't celebrate an "adoption day" but I wonder what it will be like to have other a parents with other plans, etc. in DD's class (i'm oddly more worried about that than dealing with family tree, etc. type issues).

[crick]

Love...personally I'd tell that woman to uhm..well, we won't go there.v (Can you tell I hate it when someone "DEMANDS" stuff?)

Let's just say no. I'm sorry, but it's more than enough to celebrate everyone's bdays in a class and if you get into one demand, then pretty soon we'll be celebrating something of someone's every day instead of I don't know...learning?

However, I will say that it would be nice to incorporate more adoption type celebrations as general education "fun". For example, we have international day to have a "around the world" picnic, celebrate MLK Day, etc. so would be nice in November to include something to celebrate adoption as a whole. Not to single out one specific chid though.

[Vogi2002]

Yeah Love...that just strikes me WRONG! I mean come ON it's not about having another birthday...it's a personal day about coming together as a family. sheesh.

That's crazy!

[Lumpkin]

I plan to tell, just to make sure that we have an open dialog concerning any behavioral issues that may be due to the neglect that was received under birth parent care. Also, a child that we plan to adopt has an obvious physical "impairment" that came from severe neglect during early development, and I selfishly want the teacher to understand where my role in the child's life comes into the picture, so that the teacher doesn't treat me or the child differently because of their misconceptions of "our" lack care for the child.