[mondk]

Well, we have sperm left at our fertility clinic that we have to pay for storage yearly. Our adopted baby son will be a year old in July. Dh and I want to go ahead and use up the sperm....however, I was telling my parents this and they said I should just throw the sperm away. My dad especially seems to think that if we got pg/had another then our time with Joshie would be interrupted and they are worried about our ability to parent 2 or more kids close together. I appreciate what they are saying and do understand their reasons, but I'm also hurt that they must think I'm an incompetent parent. I was their only child for 8 years and I remember begging for a sibling...then wham bam, I got 2 siblings a year apart. My parents were also both teachers so I played second mommy to my 2 new siblings.

I guess I just want someone to understand my side of things. I'm already 36, dh is 38. Time is not on our side. If we don't get pg with the left over sperm, we are considering adopting again when my Joshie starts school. They don't even understand this...they thought Joshie would be it I guess. Is it wrong to want to have as many kids as you can...I would love to have a big family with kids, dogs, cats, fish, hamsters...whatever.

Sorry to ramble....hopefully someone here can understand where I'm coming from?

Blessings, Michelle

P.S. I also have an 11 y.o. son...

[Casey677]

There is something about the closeness family members that makes them believe that their opinions about your life would be wanted. Uh, not always!

We have three very young daughters, our families think we are nuts, but love all three girls dearly. Our oldest was 12 months old when our atty called us out of the blue about a baby due 6 months later. They are 18 months apart - everyone thought we were crazy for accepting that match when H was still so young. And then when I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks after S was born.... there were lots of tears. Some were happy for us, some were sad.

Long story short, you've got to decide what's best for your family!

Oh, I am almost 9 years older than my sister and was also a built in babysitter. I love watching my girls just be the sisters and friends that they were meant to be!

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by Casey677

There is something about the closeness family members that makes them believe that their opinions about your life would be wanted. Uh, not always!

Ain't that the truth! I have a wonderfully supportive, loving, almost, ahem, claustrophobically close family that is also very free with their advice. So I know where you're coming from. And when you are creating a family through adoption or with fertility treatments it is so much more public - creating so many more opportunities for our nearest and dearest to weigh in.

I understand why you are hurt - I would be too. Planning for another child is supposed to be joyful! You expect people to be happy for you! I would just tell them that you have heard their concerns, but that you and your husband have thought about this carefully and made your decision and what you really need from them is their support - or if they can't do that right now, at least their acceptance of your decision.

Or sometimes, when on the receiving end of unwanted advice, I just nod and smile and give them my best, "That's a very interesting opinion . . ." Which I see as a slightly more mature version of sticking one's fingers in one's ears and saying, "Lalalala, I do not HEAR YOU!!!" My family usually gets it. But then, I have a reputation for bullheadedness. Which is sometimes helpful.

Good luck to you!!! I hope that Joshie gets to be a big brother soon!

Shannon

[mom2justynsarah]

If I had listened to my parents, I would have never been blessed with my beautiful daughter. I can't imagine life without her. We were so meant to be mother and daughter. I know my parents meant well. But sometimes family members need to keep their mouths shut and just provide unconditional support.
I say GO FOR IT! There is a reason why you are being pulled in this direction.

Best of luck~
Julie

[joskids]

Unfortunately for your family, it's not their choice -- it's YOURS. I married and adopted interracially. I am an older adoptive parent with 4 grown children. Many don't understand the choices I've made. The thing is -- I don't need them to. And neither do you. You may always regret not having a close-in-age sibling for your child. Be blessed in whatever you decide to do.

Hugs,
Josie

[elledarcy]

Our DD is 3 months old and my DH and I are actively trying to concieve again (we took time off from charting ovulation and such during the adoption process). I shared this info with a friend and she said, "what would you do if you had two kids so close in age?" and I said, "be the happiest person on the planet!"

If another child would make you happy and you and your DH feel you can be good parents to two kids and a new baby -- go for it!

[inhiswill]

My parents were the same way. Our situation was little different though. We were not technically infertile. We have 3 bio kids and have always wanted to adopt though. Parents spent months trying to convince us to not do adoption, "Kids are tough to raise. They are expensive. You are cheating your bio kids, by bringing another child into the home. etc...." They just did not get it at all.

Now that DD is here, they are in complete love with her. They tell me all the time they can not imagine life without her in our family.

As much as all the pre-adoption comments were made by my parents that hurt us, Dh and I went forward without the parental support. If we ever adopt again, literally they will know when the baby is in the house!

[Stormster]

Don't listen to them. If I listened to my mother there is no way ANYTHING in my life would be as wonderful as it is now.

As someone who wishes she could have a house filled with children and animals and never will (I waited too long, DH likes things status quo, etc.) I say GO FOR IT.

I'm sorry you won't have their full support initially but once you're pregnant I guarantee everyone is excited and happy.

Good luck!

[sarah16]

Michelle, you and your husband are the only ones that can decide what is best for your family. Good luck with your decision.

[gottahavehope]

Maybe their reluctance to get on board has to do with their worry that you will be dissapointed or hurt in the process. My son was 3 months when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My parent acted mad. It turns out they were terrified. I had three painful miscarriages before adopting my son. They did not believe it would happen. It was a really tough pregnancy. My daughter was born healthy. And, while having two a year apart has been really tough, especially this first year, I would not trade it for the world. Neither would my parents. My husband and I were debating a third and my mom and dad were all negative again. I finally came out and asked her and she said this,

"God has blessed us with a perfect boy and a perfect girl, don't tempt fate. Don't run the risk of heartbreak or medical complications, I can't do it hon. I can't live in fear for nine more months that my little girl might get hurt or give birth to a child that has major medical issues."


And then she began to cry. She was there the day they told me my son had passed away at a ultrasound when I was VERY far along. She saw me through the heartache and the desire to just give up and die. She has never forgotten it. SO, although, she is the happiest and most loving grandma to her two grandchildren, she does not see the risk in us trying again.

Maybe you could talk to your family and see what, if anything, is really behind their negativity.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

[lonni]

Since when is siblings close in age a bad thing?? Good grief!!! I am rather surprised that they would say that to you. I think it sounds like a great idea to try atleast.

[RavenSong]

Michelle, sometimes I think it's a fruitless task to keep trying to obtain parental approval in adulthood. At least, I know it has been for me...

Both you and your husband have so very much to offer another child. I say GO FOR IT!!! You are both wonderful, wonderful parents. And I just know that Joshie would love to have another sibling.

[thanksgivingmom]

Well Michelle, you know I am a big fan of your parenting so I'm supportive of you no matter what! (Like that helps with your family! haha)

But seriously - I say go for it, I know you've got the room in your heart and I think it would be awesome. Good luck!!

[jalapeno]

How can it be wrong to want more kids? If I had just a little more time, I'd love another! And having kids 20 or so months apart sounds like a cake-walk to me! I LOVE having kids close together. They get so much joy from each other. I wish you luck in dealing with the family issue. Hopefully their intentions are at least in the right place and they'll be able to offer some support as you move forward. Seems to me there's nothing left to talk about with the family though. You and your husband are already together on this. Good luck!!!!

[mondk]

Thank you all for the support; it means a whole lot to me!

Tonight, I asked Joshie how he would feel to have a little bro or sis and he looked right at me and said "Kitty" LOL. (We have 2 cats already)

I got on the floor and played with Joshie with his toys for about an hour. His latest favorite thing is for me to crawl behind him and say "I'm gonna get, get Joshie" and he crawls away real fast then will stop and look behind himself to see if you really are going to get him. He is very ticklish too and my heart just sings with love for him...and for my older son too. I give Joshie the kisses my older son won't let me give him...anyway, my point to this is that I sat there tonight and thought about having another, whether through pg or adoption....chasing 2 around and all that.

I know I can handle it...I do wish dh had a job where he was home more (he is a truck driver and only home on weekends) but I know I'm a good parent. I can see it in Joshie's face...if we don't get pg...well we can always adopt again right?

Thanks again everyone...I know which post to read now if I'm having a bad day eh?

Blessings, Michelle