[turtlet]

We found out the birthmother of our son is pregnant again and would like us to adopt the child she is expecting. I'm posting because I don't have anyone else to bounce this off of. She said we could forgo going through the agency this time and just do it privately, but my instincts say that is not a good idea. I like that the agency knows what they are doing, etc. and don't want to screw anything up by doing it ourselves. I'm tempted just to save money, but I'm not sure if I'd save money anyway. Plus we live in 2 different states which adds to the complexity. Do you agree? Any wisdom, advice, etc? For some reason, I'm terribly nervous, which I didn't think I would be for our 2nd adoption. Maybe because it is unplanned and she is due in only 4 months. Yikes! I would love some advice from anyone who has adopted more than once from the same birthmother. I really like the idea that our son would have a sibling who is related to by blood.

[kelceesmom]

Haven't done that but if you are having feelings about it I would talk to her directly and find out why she doesn't want to use the agency again first. Then go from there. Our gut is usually right.

[BrandyHagz]

This would be considered an "identified adoption" and you wouldn't really be 'doing it yourself' - more than you just wouldn't be paying an agency to do a bunch of the stuff you paid them for the first time - like networking etc.

You can get all of the services (legal) you need by just going thru an attorney who specializes in adoption law and the cost would be greatly reduced.

Additionally, most adoption attorneys have resources they can offer in relation to counseling etc.

Not using an agency means you won't get the 'hand holding' and you won't pay for services that you won't be using (networking, etc).

Many adoptions are done this way and many of those involve different states.

It's all about your comfort level.

[ourdreamcametru]

No experience adopting twice but we did not use an agency with our daughter's adoption, just an attorney. Ours was an open, private adoption and everything went smoothly.

[timni]

Same with ours. We simply used an adoption attorney and figured things our as we went. It was easy and very inexpensive.

[alinev]

Our son's mother contacted our agency the 2nd time and requested that they contact us. Our agency provides housing etc. so although benefical for her, we paid essentially the exact same fees we paid the first time approx. $38k. At the time, we believed we could have provided her the same services housing, child care, counseling etc, in her home state for a great deal less. In the end, it was ultimately her choice and comfort level that were most important, but ouch! our agency even charged us for "advertising" that they never had to do!

[slugbug0930]

No experience with adopting twice but we did have what Brandy called earlier an "identified adoption" as we found the birthmother and then used the agency that she wanted to use. In our case the agency waived some of their fees because they didn't have to match us or put us in any pools and ect. Perhaps the same would hold true for your agency....it is worth asking the question if the emom is comfortable working with the same agency.

[mommy3]

One consideration might be how expensive your agency is and if they are a full-service agency. Ours was cheaper than if we'd paid out of pocket separately for an atty, homestudy, adoption service provider for the relinquishments, etc., but that was just ours/us. I loved having the resources available to us via our agency, as you might have as well. Best of luck, susan

[maviskat]

We currently adopting our DD's sister and are using an agency. It is considered an identified adoption because the birthparents called us and we directed them to the agency. Many fees have been waived because of this and since our fingerprints and other info are not expired from DD's adoption we are saving more. All in all because it is identified we are saving over $12,000...yes, $12,000. I also like the fact that they are leading us through everything step by step and have sought counseling for both parents.

Good luck!!

[mg1970]

It seems to me that an agency has lots of overhead and you are paying for matching services. Private adoptions are much less expensive. You have already adopted from this emom -- so you should not have to worry about being scammed. I would go for the lawyer personally.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Marsha

[Eponine]

No experience with a second adoption either, but wanted to say our agency charges significantly less for an "identified adoption". That is, if we had found DS's birthmom ourselves through networking or whatever, we would have paid much lower fees.

Off the top of my head, I can't remember exact figures - I know for our non-identified adoption it was $18K total and I think for an identified adoption they charged an hourly rate for how much time the SW had to put in (for post placement visits, documents, etc).

So I would check with your agency and/or see if you can find another agency to handle the details for you....