[HansenFamAZ]

I was told this morning that my business partner's 13 day old baby girl, Melody June, passed away last night. She was not expected to live past a few moments at birth. (She had a hole in her heart and surgery at birth is not an option.) She lived almost two weeks. I got to meet her on Tuesday. She was at home since birth and a beautiful little angel.

They have alot of family, church and friend support. So I know food, childcare for their 7 and 4 year olds, and cleaning is taken care of. What can I do to show my love and support? What made a difference for you (or a family member if they lost a newborn)?

Did someone do something unexpected/special that helped? Besides sending flowers, I feel useless. =(

Thank you,

Jolleen

[HeidiK]

What about a beautiful keepsake box for them to store what will become some treasured itme. Maybe a musical box with her name engraved on it?

[Jensboys]

Bring The Rain

Is a blog of a mom who lost her baby girl 8 weeks ago shortly after birth due to known birth defects. THEN, her sister in law lost her son to SIDS last week. That baby was born two weeks before the baby girl was born. The blog is very Christian and heart breaking. You might get some some idea for support there.

Its been a heartbreaking story to read.

[Leigh131313]

My girlfriend lost her baby to sids quite a few years ago now...

I know that she hated all the comments that were along the lines of - It's God's Will, God needed him in heaven, yada yada.....

What she told me she appreciated the most was when people just acknowledged her grief, without trying to add in an explanation of why.

I would ask them directly if there is anything they need.


Sometimes just being there for someone is what they truly need.

[Marmant]

The book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" was very good. You could get them that with a nice heartfelt card.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Offer to plant a tree, like the Golden Rain Tree, that blooms in June/July. As commemorative gift, they can think of their child as year after year they watch it grow. If your friend was the mother, a lovely bracelet with the child's birthstone in it would be nice.
Kim

[BestLight]

I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

There is a new blog run by a community of women who have experienced baby loss.

When she's ready, you may want to let your friend know about Glow in the Woods.

[Cjmeck]

That is just so awful. I can relate in a way since my daughter was stillborn 9 years ago. Here are some things that helped me:

--a nice journal
--a necklace with the baby's birthstone
--Offer to plant a tree
--Make a donation to the March of Dimes in their baby's name
--Some new books/coloring supplies for their surviving children

And weeks from now when all of the help has gone away and the house gets too quiet; just drop off dinner.

Absolutely heartbreaking.

[mommy3]

About 18 mos ago a special adoptive mom I met here shared that her newly-placed baby had died. I sent her a tree to be planted in their yard and she told me it was a heart-felt gift and meant a lot. When my babies died they were much earlier in my pregnancy and it always hurt that they "didn't count" to many people. I learned from that that any expression of respect and love for a baby and family means so very very much. My thoughts are with your friend's family. susan

[cbrink7]

I am so sorry for your friends loss. I lost twin boys in January of this year, and it is truly devastating.

One of my friends made me stepping stones with the boys names in them to put in our garden with blue and green star jewels inprinted in them (we also plan to plant tress in their honor). They were do beautiful and I just treasure them. There is also a company (thumbies) that does charms with footprints and handprints for people that have passed away (we recieved the info from the funeral home, but I believe they have a website). I got both of my boys footprints done and I wear it everyday. I also had my husband a ring made and plan to give it to him for fathers day.

One of the things that really helped me is people just being there and listening. I wanted to talk about them. Just be there for them. It is going to get a lot worse over the next few months, and she will never be the same.

Take care! You are a great friend...

[HansenFamAZ]

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. The dad is my partner, but we are all friends. Yesterday was pretty rough. He would send me texts about wanting to hold his baby and hoping an account pays on Monday as planned so he can pay for the funeral. =( I cried all day.

I asked my brother's wife (he is our other partner) to make matching bracelets for Mom, the two little sisters and the baby. He took them over today. (I couldn't get a sitter.)

I love the idea of the tree too. A June/July blooming tree is perfect. She passed away in June and it is her middle name too.

I'll keep your advice in mind to let them talk and share and not give all the remarks that irritate them like "She's in a better place" or "You are still young. You can have more."

Ladies, thanks for being their for me!

Jolleen

[Amber76]

I wanted to second what cbrink said about justing letting them talk to you about the baby. After our daughter in Guatemala died unexpectedly, nobody really wanted to hear anything about her. It made most people uncomfortable. And all I wanted to do was tell everyone every single memory I had of her because they were all I had and I was so scared of forgetting even one. So, you might just offer to listen, or buy a remembrance journal and add a note saying that you know they have so many memories even in their short time together and you wanted them to be able to write them down so they could share them with their other children and always have them to look back on. My heart goes out to them, because there is just nothing worse than losing a child.