[dragonfly1234]

Okay this is just a vent on my part!

I first want to say that I so understand those who want and need to work so this is no reflection on you guys.

I just had a neighbor who told me that I was stupid (her words) to stay home with my children and that I must not have had much schooling or had much of a job before having children or I would not have left my job.

Needless to say I was dumbfounded! I just gritted my teeth, smiled and left the park. Not sure that I will be taking my kids to the park for along time. Good thing that we have a great backyard. However I feel bad because the boys love to play with the kids in our neighborhood.

Thanks for listening! I feel better already.....but then it might be that my youngest just gave me a big hug.

[hrisme]

Duh...didn't you know that daycare environments are much better for children, since trained childhood professionals are better able to care for them than their parents??? Obviously, You're damaging your children by keeping them home with you, you should go back to work & stick them in daycare so they have the best chance at a successful life.

Enjoy your kids & ignore those who don't recognize how important it is to spend these years at home with your precious boys.

[lovemy2boys]

I think it's a personal decision...and I don't think ANYBODY has a right to tell another that they are wasting their time staying home, or selfish for working.

I had a great, well paying job that I left when our boys came home to us...I can't imagine trading that experience for anything...but I also have friends who work full time, and wouldn't have it any other way, either.

And now as my boys get older and I should be exploring my options to go back to work, I find that I have far less time available than I imagined. I volunteer as well as chair so many committees at my kids school/church, that I actually find it much more challenging and thought provoking to find ways to raise money on that avenue than I did trying to bring in more cash for another rich boss.

UGH - it just burns my bum when women criticize each other on this matter...aren't we all supposed to be in this together?!?

And as a side note, if I were you, I'd march right back to that park and let my kiddies play there! Her bad manners should not keep you from a place that your children love!

[mommytoEli]

wait. let me see if i've got this right....i get to sleep in, eat a nice breakfast with my kids, play with them all morning, relax on the computer with a cup of coffee while they nap, or take a nap myself if we've had a hard night, get help with the chores, make a yummy lunch, again eat with my kids.....entertained by their hysterical stories the entire time, cuddle with them while we watch a movie, take a walk outside, run my errands, make a yummy dinner, and enjoy it with my whole family, i get to take my kids to special places in the middle of the day when no one else is there- disneyland, the zoo, etc, all while my husband goes to work and earns the money we live on. and bc i am home taking care of everything else, it allows him to focus on his job 100% at work and then come home and be a devoted dad with clean clothes and a hot dinner....which makes him happy....which makes me happy. hmmmmmm....as opposed to the days when i had to wake up at the crack of dawn to hurry kids to daycare...even after a night of no sleep.... to go to work to be stressed all day long as to how i was going to do my job AND go home and do all the mommy things AND wondering what my kids were doing all day, what they were learning, eating, etc, coming home CRASHING bc i was so tired, and then fighting with dh over whose turn it was to take a kid to the doctor, get them ready for bed, etc....all for not a lot more money after i paid the daycare bill and for all the fast food bc i could never cook. yeah....i'm going to go ahead and say i AM the smart one.....i used my brain to figure out that we could in fact live on one salary if i stayed home bc of all the money we were shelling out just so i could work. good thing i went to school to be an accountant....otherwise i'd still be working. lol.

no offense to working moms here either. it was something i had to do for a long time. i enjoyed my job, i liked to work, but man, THIS IS THE LIFE! I told dh i will never return. lol.

i think we need to stop feeling badly for one another, and stop judging one another. i have many happy very well educated stay at home mom friends, and many working moms that would never give up their jobs bc they just enjoy it so much.

and as far as wasting their brains....i don't know about you, but bc i am "so smart" i am imparting a heck of a lot of knowledge on my kiddos everyday....as opposed to when they went to daycare and no one even spoke to them most of the day. instead of using my brain to benefit one person, ME, i'm raising 5 children to use theirs. lol. oh well.

one thing i've learned is this is one topic people will never agree on...and that's okay.

p.s. one more thing. when i quit my job, my boss actually told me that i should leave my son in daycare bc he needed to learn to be independent. um...he was ONE! lol.

[loveajax]

Michelle, this person is really insecure...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE.

Nothing makes me more furious than moms judging each other. I work and have been on the "receiving end" of some beauties from SAHMs (including my friend who said, "I waited so long to have a baby, I would never let anyone else raise one." This of course while she was living without health insurance for her family).

I don't know why people can't decide what works best for THEIR family without judging others. It really makes no sense to me. Nothing about invalidating others' choices makes yours better.

Sorry you had to deal with this...I remember some comments really stinging me.

[Tigger2]

dragonfly~I am so sorry that this happened to you! As loveajx said- IGNORE this person.

[cbrink7]

I would not let the judgemental women keep you from taking your kids the the neighborhood park. I would just come up with a sarcastic remark if you you were to run into her again

I think that people just have to make the right decision for their family, and a lot of factors go into the decision. I know for my family it if right for me to stay home for now (and when the time come to be a SAHM) although I have a BA, and loved my job (mostly ) this is what is right for my family.

I hope you can enjoy your time at the park, and let us know the remark you come up with!

[dragonfly1234]

I thank you all for your wonderful comments. I felt like I was going to stup to her level and explain my college degrees and my work before children.

All I can say is that I love every minute that I spend with my children. Dh at this moment thinks that I will go back to work fulltime when our youngest is in school. I kind of hinted that this would be the time that I could really get involved with school activities and fieldtrips. He hasn't really responded yet.....lol

[kelceesmom]

Michelle, totally a personal choice. I know many who have stayed home with many degrees under their belt. Once the children went into school full time have returned to work again.

I would not let one ignorant person keep you from letting your kids, and you too, have an enjoyable day at the park. Sounds like she is jealous.

[babycav]

ewwwwwwwww-- jealous much lady??? Yes, please ignore this woman!!!

I often think of all the wonderful things I enjoyed during my childhood--I had THE BEST mom ever--She stayed home with me and my brother since the day I was born--She was always there for us-If we got sick at school, she was there in 5 minutes to bring us home- My best friend's Mom worked full time and I can recall her having to stay in the school sick clinic sleeping on a cot until her Mom could come and get her--Sad--She would make hot chocolate for me and my friends on cold or rainy days while we waited for the bus-There were times when I envied my friends that had Moms that worked b/c it seemed like they had much more freedom to do as they pleased and I always had the ever-watchful eye looking over me--But now as a Mom I know that my son will one day appreciate me being there to watch movies w/ him while he's not feeling well, or cheer from the stands when he hits a homerun or makes a touchdown Don't you ever feel guilty!! Chances are this woman has offended many with her uncouth comments so take your kids to that park anytime you please and just know that she's probably just pea-green with envy ---Like they say "Misery loves company"---

[aallen25]

Dragonfly- DH and I had that same conversation! I told him maybe I'd find a fun part time job but I don't want to give up the chance to be involved with school activities by going back to work fulltime.

[BrandyHagz]

Man, it can really go either way, can’t it?

I live in an area where most mothers do chose to stay at home and ya know, I think that’s great…I couldn’t do it, it’s not right for me…but it’s also not right for me to stand in judgment of their decisions to stay home or not. Seriously, who knows why a person decides to stay home?

Most of the women in my area are educated – some highly (masters + level) educated - some of them married in college and started their families right away – never having worked outside of the home a day in their life. Their choice – I’m glad people are able to even MAKE that choice, given the state of the economy. While we likely could survive on a single income – we could not live…and there is a difference.

At any rate – where I was going with this is, since I live in an area where moms don’t typically work and dad’s make up a large percentage of the workforce – I find myself having to constantly battle it from the other side. Most of the dad’s I work with try to make decisions about the level of work I do (or talk to me about my dedication to my job) based on my status as a mother. When I first reentered the work force, after staying home with my son for five years (age 6-11), I found myself getting the “you need to spend more time with your family” talk from co-workers – and it was (and still is) very upsetting at times. Actually, it’s downright irritating.

John (my husband) and I have an equal partnership marriage – everything I can do, he can also do. This is also a battle I fight with my family…A typical conversation with my mother will go like this:

Mom: So what’s for dinner
Alienating Working Parent (aka Me): Oh, I dunno, John’s cooking
Mom: What!? You don’t cook for your family
AWP: Sure, sometimes…but mostly not.

(You should know my mother is an 80 year old depression era woman who is very much a subscriber to the ‘a woman’s place is in the home’ mentality of the 50’s. She literally thinks my family does not eat (or at least, doesn’t eat well) if John cooks. That is, if he even knows how…since men don’t belong in the kitchen.)

You see – for us, it works. John’s day starts at 4 AM (meaning, he’s in the office by 4) and while I do typically start my day equally as early, I do so from home and don’t typically go into the office until 8 or so. So, normally, John is home by 2:30 or 3, giving him plenty of time to be “Afternoon-Parent” while I fulfill the role of “Morning-Parent” – it just works for us.

We’ve actually never had a single issue in our family surrounding my devotion to my career. I’m not sure why my career (and my devotion) is such an important matter for everyone else. Like…maybe some people think I’m so stupid for working outside of the home that I am incapable of making decisions about my career (and the time I spend doing it). I have had instances where I have not be offered projects to work on or tasks to do, because I have a family that I need to spend time with…

I really really really hate it when people think they are entitled to make comments about personal decisions. I mean seriously, to me, this decision is as personal as picking a feminine product or deciding to take or not take birth control…

[Asha0314]

I am a single mom so being a SAHM is not a choice. When I do have days off from work, I spend as much time as I can with my baby. I believe it strengthens our bond and I just enjoy playing and interacting with her. I look forward to one day having a husband so that I can be a SAHM.

[Stormster]

Ugh people are so rude. interesting because my sister has a major career and both boys in daycare after 2 months. She is also in a closed, international adoption. I stay home and have an OA. We respect each other's choices and actually we help each other out a lot. She has the money and I have the time LOL.

I WILL SAY that my nephew had some serious issues at school (behavioral and academic) and I did encourage her to scale back. He seemed to like coming here a lot (we live in the same town) just be with us after school.

She didn't and he's doing great so who knows....!

[Cjmeck]

If I can afford (i.e.; we've budgeted like maniacs) to be a SAHM, and if I enjoy being a SAHM (i.e., I do not go crazy every single day necessarily) then being at home is the best place for my kids. But are my brain cells sucked right out of my head?? YES! Absolutely!
Look, if you are happy and secure in the role you've chosen be it at home or at work or doing both part-time, then just do it and be proud of yourself! The best place for kids to be is where they and their parents are happiest! And for some moms, that is at work and that is wonderful too! Shame on that women for being so closed minded. My guess is she doesn't particularly enjoy being a mother at all... Sad!