[jf5505]

I have been talking to two agencies, one in FL and one in TX. Both have a high population of hispanic babies placed and said it is good to be open to this. I guess when we started the adoption process we didn't think too much about this, we just thought the baby would look like us and that would be that. Now that this has been brought up I wonder if any caucasian couples have adopted a hispanic baby (which I know there are many) how this is on the child and how you handle questions? I am new so please forgive me being so Naive to all of this.

Do you think it would be harder on a child later on, or is it really irrelevant?

[KansasMomToBe]

Our son is Hispanic and we are white. Our agency was in an area with a large Hispanic population yet our son was the first Hispanic child that had been placed for adoption through them in several years. The social workers said that typically in the Hispanic culture someone in the family will "watch" the child for the birth parents in order to avoid adoption. So culturally adoption is not normal. Our sons birth parents have faced some harsh reactions from their community for placing our son with us. This breaks my heart because they are wonderful people and they love our DS very much, and they would have kept him if they felt they had the ability to.

As far as integrating our sons culture, we attend some cultural events in our town and we have several Hispanic friends that our son will be able to relate to. But, for the most part we just love him and if we feel he is in need of more culture immersion as he gets older, or if he wants to know more about his culture, we are more than willing to provide that.

I might also add that we do have contact with DS birth parents through open adoption, so that is a source of heritage for him as well.

[bethy724]

I am a foster/adoptive single mother to a bi-racial son. Althought skin color does not matter to me it DOES seem to matter to the rest of the world & all my love can't shield my son from stares & snickers. (mostly from old white men) He is 4 years old & notices the stares depending on where we are. I will not let bigots decide the makeup of my family - I was open to any race & God sent my son. However, I have to acknowledge the realities of life. I live in a diverse community & city, take him to cultural events, he is in a diverse daycare, we read books about other races & religions ect... (I would do this regardless of the color of his skin)

Your child is your personal decision, however, you need to look around & see the community you live in & decide what reactions you & your child will get. As far as a child looking like you - I swear my son looks like me becasue he has my expressions & mannerisms.

[jf5505]

Thank you for your responses, I had thought that about the hispanic culture, but the agency said over half their placements are full hispanic babies.

I don't really care about the race of the child, but I worry if it would be hard on them to not only have to deal with the adoption but also being of a different race then his parents.

Thanks again

[mdesi]

We live in an area where about 40% of the adopted children are Hispanic, probably 40% are white, and good chunk of the remaining babies are a mix of the two. We are white. DH is the whitest Italian American I have ever seen, and I'm a pasty white girl with lots of Irish in the wood pile. That being said, we are open to adopting a Hispanic baby. We have lots of Hispanic friends, and we will expose any child that we adopt to that culture, even if they are white, too. (Hey, we live in the desert SW. Hispanic culture is fun, historic, and meaningful to us.) Our parents are very open to this, which really surprised me. Also, we have some similarities in our life to the Hispanic culture. We have tons of relatives with 15 minutes of us. (And I mean tons.) We have big family gatherings. Food is at the center of everything we do. DH is Catholic, and we attend Mass. We intend to rear our children in the Catholic church. Also, I'm a big proponent of my children learning several languages - Spanish is one of them.

[JeannineW]

Our 6 yo is hispanic and we have 3 pasty white bio kids at home. We get the occasional questioning look or a comment about having a friend with us but really in 4 years, it has never been a problem.

She doesn't always love her brown skin but we tell her how beautiful it is and that we are jealous. I wish we could stick us all in a blender and come out browner. Pasty white is just not that attractive!

Summer is even worse. She tans instantly. She is so dark after being out in the sun yesterday. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to how quickly she tans. It's amazing.

[Adopted-B-4]

Our agency told us that too and in fact, in the beginning they had numerous half-hispanic infants but there was always something we weren't comfortable with, whether it was drugs or some other thing in the history but we were open to hispanic children. Our agency did tell us there is a huge amount of hispanic children being placed through their agency and I think now, in order, to be a part of the domestic caucasion program, I think it's now domestic caucasian/ hispanic program, if that tells you how many placements they have had.

I personally don't think it would cause a big problem in the future. I wouldn't think it would be much different than adopting from another country or adopting an african american child. The biggest issues would be teaching them about their heritage and being sensitive to issues that a hispanic child may have while growing up. I'm sure you could get that information through the agency or through your local DFACS office, I would think.

[Amber76]

We recently got our son, who is Hispanic. That is the race we really wanted all along, even though we are both technically white (although I have a lot of American Indian background and have black hair and brown eyes). We LOVE the Hispanic culture in our area and are having a blast getting to know more about it. We did attend a couple of seminars and read some books on transracial/transcultural adoption, and they brought up a lot of great points. Basically, you have to decide for yourselves where your comfort zone is. I guess the biggest thing we learned and considered along the way is this: If there is someone-anyone, even your parents or siblings-who is unwilling to accept your child for who he or she is, would you be willing to choose your child over your relationship with that person?
Best of luck making your choice!

[devildogwife]

We are a transracial family. My son is not hispanic, but is Native American. I don't think his race is irrelevant at all~my son is who he is, a handsome Native American boy with CC parents. His culture is very important to me and I hope it will be important to him as he grows up. I worked on an Indian reservation for 9 years (with one of the tribes that he is a part of) and am very familiar and appreciative of his culture. I will impart as much as I possibly can to him, through native stories, language, music, dress, events (such as powwow) as his very fragile health allows. Sure, things may be hard for my son as he grows up, or they may not be. That depends on so many things, but I will do my best to support him as much as I possibly can, in whatever direction he wants to go.

Like others have said, accept what you are comfortable with, don't accept what you aren't! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I agree with what Amber said, as my DH and I had that talk 2 years ago. Are you willing to cut out of your life any family member or friend who couldn't accept your child if they are of another race? It's a really good thing to discuss.

[mommy2fiveplus]

Every family is different, some have all girls, some all boys, others have many children, others only one. Some families have older children others have younger children, some have both grown children and infants at home. Some families have able-bodied children some have differently able-bodied children. No child is like another, your adopted children will not be any different. They may not look like you but they may be like you in many other ways.

We are a family of many colors :

my oldest adopted son is the whitest white boy you will ever see (white-blond hair, blue eyes, skin burns in cloudy weather)

my three biological daughters are what I like to called watered down mixed kids (they are 1/2 white, 1/4 AA, 1/4 ?) as my s/o is 1/2 AA and 1/2 white and I am 1/2 white and 1/2 ? (my mom is adopted and no clue as to ethnicity, Maybe native only a guess)

Our most recently adopted son is Hispanic

So our family runs the gamut from dark to light and everything inbetween.

I get the strangest looks sometimes since we also do foster care and many of the children are AA.

Usually people ask me if I run a daycare, I simply reply "Only for my own children".

We live in a rural area, and that can pose obstacles of its own (some of my kids are the only children of color in their grades), but since we are all different within our family it works for us.

We address the issues when they come up but it is rarer than you would imagine.

You really need to look beyond "what everybody else" thinks or will think and look to what YOU think and feel, that is the only thing that really matters.

If having a different color skin than you will impede your ability to love and nuture a child then by all means go a different route, but if that is a problem I urge you to look deep inside yourself and consider your expectations for your future child.

No child comes with a warranty, birth or otherwise, any child you adopt or birth could end up with unforseeable medical/mental/physical/emotional issues in the future and these would require far more "looking beyond" and understanding than skin color.

That said, look deep and do what is right for you and your family, you will know it when you see/feel it. The feeling of peace that comes with a good decision is unmistakable.

[ranoutofnames]

There are a great deal of differences in the hispanic population. In the area I live in we have a large Mexican community along with a large Puerto Rican community... both considered hispanic. You might find out which hispanic population you are looking at. Texas is likely Mexican but Florida might be more Puerto Rican or other hispanic background. That might make a difference if you are looking at what resources are available in your area to connect a child with their heritage.

My former foster daughter has two children where both of their fathers are full blood Mexican Hispanic (here illegally) and both have very dark ruddish skin (she's as plain paste white as they come). Her children started out with black hair and darker skin but both of them now have light brunnette hair, one has blue eyes, and both of them have light colored skin that tends to tan but not burn. Beautiful children. I was a little disappointed they didn't stay a little darker and fdaughter just laughed and reminded me they had her DNA too.

[Larue]

I love this post. mommy2fiveplus all I can say is, you should post more often. Love what you have to say.

To the OP - as I said in my PMs, I wish you all the best in your journey. As other posters have said, you should do what you're comfortable with, and what works for your family.

Best wishes!!!

p.s. As the "white as white can be" mother, of a beautiful Mayan daughter, all I can say is that most of time I completely forget that we don't look alike. And that I don't have her beauitful copper skin. Oh how I wish I did!!!

Originally Posted by mommy2fiveplus

Every family is different, some have all girls, some all boys, others have many children, others only one. Some families have older children others have younger children, some have both grown children and infants at home. Some families have able-bodied children some have differently able-bodied children. No child is like another, your adopted children will not be any different. They may not look like you but they may be like you in many other ways.

We are a family of many colors :

my oldest adopted son is the whitest white boy you will ever see (white-blond hair, blue eyes, skin burns in cloudy weather)

my three biological daughters are what I like to called watered down mixed kids (they are 1/2 white, 1/4 AA, 1/4 ?) as my s/o is 1/2 AA and 1/2 white and I am 1/2 white and 1/2 ? (my mom is adopted and no clue as to ethnicity, Maybe native only a guess)

Our most recently adopted son is Hispanic

So our family runs the gamut from dark to light and everything inbetween.

I get the strangest looks sometimes since we also do foster care and many of the children are AA.

Usually people ask me if I run a daycare, I simply reply "Only for my own children".

We live in a rural area, and that can pose obstacles of its own (some of my kids are the only children of color in their grades), but since we are all different within our family it works for us.

We address the issues when they come up but it is rarer than you would imagine.

You really need to look beyond "what everybody else" thinks or will think and look to what YOU think and feel, that is the only thing that really matters.

If having a different color skin than you will impede your ability to love and nuture a child then by all means go a different route, but if that is a problem I urge you to look deep inside yourself and consider your expectations for your future child.

No child comes with a warranty, birth or otherwise, any child you adopt or birth could end up with unforseeable medical/mental/physical/emotional issues in the future and these would require far more "looking beyond" and understanding than skin color.

That said, look deep and do what is right for you and your family, you will know it when you see/feel it. The feeling of peace that comes with a good decision is unmistakable.

[Celesyee]

jf505--Wow! Race/ethnicity is always a sticky subject so I commend you for putting yourself out there. You already received several responses, but I think your original question of "would it be hard on the child if they are of a different race than their parents" was lost.

You've already stated twice, that the racial differences is not an issue for you, but you're curious as to how the child would feel. So, JMO but I think a child's ethnic and racial pride-whether adopted or bio-directly stems from their parents, positive exposure to their culture, and open discussion about the racial differences. I don't believe in a color blind world...instead, I choose to embrace my Chinese heritage, DH's Filipino heritage, and DS's AA heritage.

Differences are not negative...differences are what makes unique, beautiful individuals. And I believe it is up to the parents to help their child-whether adopted or bio-to understand such so that they will be able to accept themselves and others.

Also, when we were preparing ourselves to adopt a child, we spoke with DH's brother, 2 cousins, and my cousin who are now all adults but were adopted as infants. None of them share the same ethnic background with their parents. When they shared their childhood struggles and feelings of adoption, they only mentioned "typical" feelings, i.e. why were they adopted, did their birth parents want them back, what kind of life would they have had if their birth parents did not make an adoption plan, etc. None of them mentioned ethnic/racial differences.

Also, I have a friend who is Filipno as is her husband. They foster adopted 2 CC girls, now ages 6 and 10. They take pride in their CC background, but also are proud to be Filipino and Hawaiian (we live in Hawai'i) at heart.

Best of luck in your decision!

[jf5505]

Thanks for all the great responses, I question myself all the time, is this the right agency, what race are we open to, what medical are we open to, is that agency better. yada yada...my head has been spinning for months now trying to make the best decision. I think I just have to make one and stand by it...

You all have great stories and I thank you for responding.

[ManyTimesBlessed]

Your question: "would it be hard on the child if they are of a different race than their parents"

I have three kids (two black, one hispanic) and my husband and I are very white! LOL. I think that any time you adopt transracially (regardless of what race) that it does make things more difficult. Does that mean you shouldn't do it? Absolutely not! We would do it again in a heartbeat and plan to do it again as soon as God shows us our next child. But, I think it's important to realize that race does add an extra element to things. You need to educate yourself on transracial adoption and how to help your child learn about his/her racial and cultural background, how to live as a person of that race in a white society, take the time to get to know people of different races so that your child will have same-race role models, etc. If you're willing to do these extra things then I think you'll do fine as a transracial adoptive family.

We decided that our kids were well worth the extra effort! Their cultural and racial backgrounds have added to our lives and definitely haven't taken anything away.

Feel free to PM me if you have more questions.

~Rachel

P.S. I should probably mention that how much you will "stand out" may depend on the area you live in. If you live somewhere with a large Hispanic population (like we do) then you may not really have anyone notice that your child is hispanic and you're caucasian. We have found that we get very few looks when we are with our hispanic son. Once you add our two black kids plus the hispanic kid plus the fact that our oldest is deaf so we're all signing . . . then you start to get some looks! LOL!