[tomandcate]

I am trying to check my reaction and need some input.

Quick background - my 3.5 year old DS is friends with our next door neighbor boys, who are 5 and 8/9. He mostly plays with the 5 y.o. but once in a while the older brother plays with them too. The 5 y.o. is a "boy's boy" - rough and tumble. He is my DS's only older friend and DS loves him to death. The 8/9 y.o. is a little shy, not quite as "tough" as his little brother.

Anyway, today the three were out in our playroom, and as I passed by the door I heard "Kiss me Sam." It sounded like the younger brother but I'm not sure. So I stood and watched, and the older brother went up to Sam and whispered to him, "Hey Sam, kiss me right here" and pointed to his cheek. Sam, sweet little thing that he is, complied instantly, and that was that.

My DH was sitting in the same room I was watching this from, and I told him what I'd just seen. We both thought it was a little odd for an 8/9 y.o. to be asking for a kiss from a much younger boy.

Is that weird? Should I be concerned? I hate that I have to even go there, but it's not like we don't hear about older boys "messing" with younger boys.

After they left I asked Sam if J. (older one) had asked him for a kiss and he said yes. Then he said that G. (younger one) had asked for a kiss also. If I didn't know what I know about their family (these kids get yelled at a lot by their evil stepfather, with whom they live 100% of the time) I would think hey, maybe they're just a "kissy" family like we are, and it's pouring over into their friendships. But that's definitely not the case, and I still don't think it's "normal" for the 8/9 age range. My mind starts to wander...what if this kid has feelings for boys...what if he and his brother make jokes about being gay and this is a joke to them...etc.

Thanks in advance for your opinions and advice! I don't know if I should be concerned or just "watchful" but I do know one thing - I don't feel this would not be enough cause for me to talk to his mother about it. I've already had the talk to Sam about other people touching his privates and wonder if I need to extend the conversation to any contact he doesn't want to have...but I don't want to overreact with him and unnecessarily take away some of his sweetness and innocence yet!

Cate

[minibus]

I wouldn't necessarily think it was bad. Depending on the boys' family, kissing on the cheek may very well be a common sign of affection. Note it, then don't worry about it unless you see something alarming. JMO.

[feelingreyt]

If it were me, I would not say anything to their mom yet. I would just be a little more watchful when they are over playing with your ds. I also would not allow play time at their house. Even if the kissing on the cheek is all there is to this, I would rather be safe than sorry.

[Adopted-B-4]

It is sad that we have to worry about these things, I know but I agree with feelinggreyt, I would definitely not allow him over there to play and I would be extra watchful. It may be nothing but if you could prevent something from happening, you want to, right? I wouldn't leave him alone with them or allow closed doors either. And sadly enough, having a talk with him about not doing anything he doesn't want to, might help even though you don't want to take away his innocence. Of course, I have turned into a freak about this. I will have to be sedated the first time my boys go to spend the night with someone else or go to a playdate without me with them. Sorry but I have such a fear of this happening to them.

[qs mom]

I would be watchful. But, getting yelled at doesn't mean there isn't affection in the family. It could just mean poor coping skills or poor communication skills.

I have a very affectionate extended family. Everybody gets hugs and kisses upon arrival and departure. Some people think that little ones kisses are the greatest and ask for them.

In our family, sometimes saying goodbye is a 1/2 hour ordeal. By the time you make the rounds kissing everyone goodbye.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Totally agree with qsmom. We are the "give nan a kiss, give pa a kiss, give aunt x a kiss" kind of family. Also, my 13 yr old LOVES when the 2 yr old kisses him. They are very affectionate.....PLUS, if you can get the 2-3 yr old age range to kiss you, you are special, especially if they WON'T kiss someone else.

For a long time, my S would kiss Pa but not Nan. Pa loved it. It became a "who can get S to kiss them today" game and it may have been what these two boys were doing with your Sam. If one asked for a kiss and he gave it, the other one had to also to see if Sam liked him too.

If it bothers you, just talk to the boys. You could tell them that you are worried about them passing germs back and forth with face kisses and ask them to teach Sam to "give them five" instead. You could even encourage a fun silly handshake that they all have just between them--like a secret club. You could explain that you are trying to teach Sam the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch" and don't want him to be kissing everyone. It may open up some dialogue that will give you some more insight into where the kids are coming from.

I wouldn't panic just yet. I doubt you are leaving them unsupervised and I would follow the advice of others and not let him play anywhere other than his own home until you feel comfortable with it.

Kim

[nikkianni]

I don't think I would panic yet, but I would supervise their play. And I'd do it from a distance. Sort of like you accidentally did in this case.
Because kids just don't act like themselves when adults are around. And ultimately if there is a problem, you not only want to protect your child, but try to help the other two boys as well.
I think the good touch bad touch conversation may be a good idea too.