[specialk4b]

We recently adopted a 2-1/2 year old from China. We have read in much of the attachment literature that co-sleeping is a wonderful way to build attachment. Then I another doctor tells me that attachment is built during the day and that co-sleeping will foster night time insecurity in my child.

Did/will you co-sleep?
Is it a good idea or not-so-good?
Once you start, how long do you keep it up and how do you know when to transition to solo sleeping?
If you don't co-sleep, is it ok to do from time to time when your child is sick/afraid?

[Linny]

I think your MD is full of baloney. We don't deliberately co-sleep at night....but if any of the kids felt they needed to come to our bed, so be it...within reason.
I think co-sleeping with your little one during a nap time is a good idea too. It's a time for snuggling, reading or singing, etc.......I know it takes away time that I need to get things done....but it really helps in the bonding.

Your child will often lead you to what you should do. Consider how different and strange this is for a 2.5yr old to come into a new family. Anything to help in bonding and security is a good thing, IMO.

Sincerely,

Linny

[mumofone]

We didn't co-sleep with any of our children, but they do sleep with us if they are sick so we can watch them.

Having said that, I asked my doctor about children sleeping in occasionally, and her response was: "It's only a problem if the parents think it is". She is a smart woman. I say, do what you feel comfortable with. If it helps the child, go for it.

I wouldn't want my children in my bed 365 days per year, but the occasional "sleep-in" is fine by us.

[loveajax]

I am like Linny and Mum....DD goes to bed by herself every night, but some nights she gets up and comes into bed with us. I used to "mind" but honestly it is the way we can sleep the easiest. Almost every morning she comes in and cuddles with us for an hour or so.

Do what feels comfortable to you!

As someone said to me, there's no high school senior sleeping in his mom and dad's bed....!

[jalapeno]

I think you have to do what works and commit to not feeling guilty about it. Your child will feel most secure when you yourself are secure in the choice you have made. I don't really think you can make the wrong decision. Whatever you feel is right will no doubt work out just fine.

We occasionally co-sleep when one of the kiddos is sick or having a particularly rough night. And I do often take naps with my boys. But for the most part I find that everyone sleeps better in their own beds at night. And decent rest makes such a huge difference in how the days go.

If you're co-sleeping does that mean your child will stay up until you go to bed? Will that mean sacrificing time with your spouse?

[julie23]

we co-sleep when kiddos are sick... and in the beginning... when they are up all night! i let them sleep in their cradle until their early morning feeding, and then we just snuggle in for the rest of the night...

i wouldn't trade it for the world... all my girls are great sleepers... and they are all very securely attached to me...

even our newest, who is only two months old, we have realized is already a "mommy's girl"....

snuggling and sleeping together has been a really bonding experience for our family...

julie

[crick]

I believe that co-sleeping is great when necessary. I think it's important for a child to be assured and feel safe if they are unable to sleep. They obviously need that extra reassurance and to me, strong attachment is all about meeting your child's needs. Builds the trust factor and the child coming to sleep with you is a huge sign of trust, imo.

When my oldest went through some pstd last summer at age 10, 5 years home...he was in our room for about 2 weeks straight. I would test him to see if he was ready or not to go back to his room. Turned out for another week he slept in the hallway, then in his room but next to the door. Think it took him about a month to get back into his bed.

I do believe the majority of attachment is built during the day, but a child's needs are not switched off just because it's bed time. Attachment happens at night too.

[lovemy2boys]

My youngest (4 1/2) has never slept in our room - he tried to come in once, and left after about 10 minutes...lol...

Now my oldest (6 1/2) came in one night when he was about 3...and did so about 5 nights a week until a few months ago when he and his brother decided they wanted to share a room.

For him, he just likes the security of having someone else in his room with him...

I was one of "those" who didn't believe in co-sleeping...my parents never let us in their room when we were kids and I was of the same mentality. But now that I can see that for AJ it wasn't just about getting the big bed (haha) but about feeling the comfort of someone in the room with him, I'm glad that we weren't as stringent.

I think it's a personal decision based on what's best for your family and what kind of child you have.

[humanpitchpipe]

DS is from Guatemala where co sleeping is very common. I was completely prepared to co sleep when I found out his FM had him in a crib. He does so well in his crib. There have been a couple of times where he was sick or teething and I tried to co sleep with him and he just kept hitting DH or myself like he was thinking who is this in bed with me? It didn't work out so I stopped trying. You might want to post this on the Guatemalan board because it is very active and this issue comes up quite often.

[JeannineW]

Let me share my experience... I read and read and was sure that co-sleeping was best for baby. My first dd was born. She was in the co-sleeper next to our crib/bed then later, in our bed. At two she was nursing every hour at night and for two years, I had been tired. We transitioned her to her crib and she instantly got through the night without nursing. Somewhere along the way she would go to sleep in her bed and then move to our bed or floor (when she was older) during the night.

I was so happy that we had co-slept because I couldn't imagine how tired I would have been getting up to nurse her a million times a night. In hindsight, she only nursed because she was there next to me. ::: sigh ::: To think of all the sleep I lost! It all seemed so normal because all my friends at LLL were doing the same thing and playing musical beds all night with as many as three children.

At four, she was still on our floor and we had her baby brother. I was ready to do it all again. However, he was a very noisy sleeper so after a few nights, he ended up in our walk-in closet. Guess what? We all slept better. When he was eleven weeks old, we went to pick up our adopted daughter (then 2.5yo). We made a big hype about how everyone was going to sleep in their own room when she came. It worked like a charm. Everyone was happy and getting a good night's sleep.

Our last baby went straight to the closet after a few nights and then to her own room once she was sleeping through the night. It has worked so much better for everyone.

I got the book Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth when my first dd was about 2 yo. It made a world of difference. It explained so much about sleep habits and what kids need at different ages. It also explained why it is ok to let kids cry but what to do so they don't cry much. By following this book, my subsequent babies have slept so much better and have not cried much at all. My 21 mo dd goes to bed awake every time and smiles as I leave the room. My four year old has always been just as great and they were both raised with this as my bible. I never could have imagined this was possible with my first. My first dd was a nightmare to put to sleep because of my parenting.

I loved it at the time but in hindsight, I wish I had not co-slept with my first dd. I was a zombie for 2 years and stepping around her "bed" on the floor by my bed for 2 more years. She is my most anxious child and the worst sleeper. She is 8 yo now and has a hard time falling asleep at times. Of course, all of this may have nothing to do with her sleeping the first 4 years.

On the other side, I thought it was our little deep dark secret when I went to the pediatrician but somehow it came out and guess what? He said they co-slept with their last few daughters. They had quite a few - his, hers and theirs, I think. He was a wonderful doctor and about 70 years old. I never would have thought he co-slept with his own kids!

So, that is my long winded experience for what it is worth! Good luck with your new little one.

[mdesi]

Did/will you co-sleep? We will not be co-sleeping. I have slept through micro bursts, sirens, a 747 landing next to my gate in an open air airport, so we decided that is a bad idea for us.

Once you start, how long do you keep it up and how do you know when to transition to solo sleeping? My BFF is still co-sleeping with her DD. DD is 6 y.o., so I'm not sure where the line.

If you don't co-sleep, is it ok to do from time to time when your child is sick/afraid? I plan on having a trundle bed in his/her room for such occasions. That way, I can be there for them, but not harm him/her by rolling over on him/her in the night.

[specialk4b]

Well, we are co-sleeping. We are taking turns sleeping with him in his room. I ususally lay down with him until he falls asleep and if I'm not too tired, I get up and enjoy my evening with hubby. I'm hoping that this will help him to be more secure in his room when the time comes. I do think that it has helped to build attachment to me, which was a problem at first.

It's just hard when so much of the world thinks it's a dysfunctional practice, and the other half thinks if you don't co-sleep you don't care about attaching to your child (I know, that's an exageration).

[Adopted-B-4]

I personally don't see anything wrong with co-sleeping. Our boys sleep in their bed most of the night and one winds up getting up around 5 or 6 and comes and gets in the bed with us. We don't typically allow them to fall asleep in our bed. When we go on vacation, of course, we usually get two double beds and one sleeps with me and the other sleeps with their dad. They think it's a treat! When they are sick, they most of the time wind up in our bed depending on if I need to be watching them. Throwing up, fevers and that sort of thing and they sleep with us. We have done that since they were babies. I don't know when to draw the line, I just think that they grow out of it eventually and until then, love them and cuddle them while you can. I'm not sure if it helps with attachment but I disagree that it makes them insecure in their own beds since both of mine start off by themselves.