[qs mom]

My son is an International adoptee. He is 7 1/2, home nearly 5 years. I am a single mom and very open about our family coming together through adoption.

He understands that he lived with Dr. K and the other kids before he lived with me. He understands that he didn't grow in my belly. I am actually pretty impressed at his understanding.

Today he asked me what he name was before, which is something we have talked about before. Then he asked me what my name was before I came to live with grandma and grandpa.

He thinks that everyone is adopted! I've tried to tell him that not everyone is adopted, not all families are formed that way. My way isn't working. I need to find another way to talk to him.

[aclee]

there is a certain amount of self focus. Many children think their life, is the way it is for everyone. When I would Nanny, some kids would come over for a play group, and would always think I was the Mom. They had no concept of a Mom not being the one at home, and had no idea why a Mom would be working. I know an adoptive family who has 4 children, all adopted at birth. Their oldest is 6.5 and they can't take her to the hospital when their friends have babies right now because in her mind, a hosptial is somewhere you go, see the baby and take it home. There were a lot of tantrums before they figured out what was going on, and she even started acting out every time they visited one of their friends because "they had her baby sister".

It IS hard. My neice is three and sometimes she will crawl into my lap and ask me explain again why Ty wasn't "a gron" (grown) in my belly like her and her sister a gron in their moms. I thought my sister would die the first time it happened. I don't mind. I tell her there are a lot of ways for a Mommy to become a Mommy and a Daddy to become a Daddy. Then we talk about different ways. One of the ways is the way her mommy became a mommy, and one of the ways is the way I became a mommy. I do also think that sometimes adoption is such a special thing that we make sure we educate them about, when they might not have been educated in the same way about other ways of building a family. Now I think she's focusing too much on the plane we took to go get Ty, and come home on. I think she thinks when people visit, and they take a plane, they are bringing a baby....it's all a growth process.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by qs mom

He thinks that everyone is adopted! I've tried to tell him that not everyone is adopted, not all families are formed that way. My way isn't working. I need to find another way to talk to him.

My adopted son thought that way at that age too. He was told that some kids are raised by the people who give birth to him. Since he was in this wide open adoption he felt sorry for people "who only had one set of family."

[SchmennaLeigh]

That's a normal developmental understanding from everything I've read. Get a few books about different types of families and just spend some time talking about things.

Sounds like he's an awesome dude.

[humanpitchpipe]

My 7 year old brother was domestically adopted. After my mom read him the book courdouroy, he thought that the story was about him and that he was from a store. After I adopted my son internationally in August, he now thinks he was internationally adopted and has been asking what country he is from and what the plane ride home was like. It is amazing what little minds can come up with.

[DPline]

My four-year-old daughter is convinced that everyone is born in Guatemala and comes home on an airplane. She just can't wrap her head around that her older brother (my bio son) was born in Michigan and not Guatemala.

[MamaS]

My daughter was 4 and knew we were waiting to "find her sister".
One day we were in the library when she walked over to a little baby sitting on a blanket, picked up the edges of the blanket and started "towing" her toward the door. I stopped her and asked her what she thought she was doing. She said "I founded my sister and I putting her in the car!"
I guess I just hadn't been looking in the right places!

[qs mom]

That is cute!

Tonight at dinner, one of Q's classmates was at the restaurant with his family. Q asked his mom if she adopted the 3 boys. She said "No, they're mine" before I could correct her language, her husband said "no, she only adopted me, and now can't get rid of me".

Well, my son had a very sad kind of look on his, not understanding why would anyone 'get rid of' someone adopted. I just grabbed him, hugged him and said (LOUDLY) "we know that adopted families are FOREVER, right? just like us!" He agreed. I told him (again LOUDLY) that he's all mine!