[Asha0314]

Hi,
My relatives want to give my daughter a birthday party for her first year, but I would prefer to have a celebration of her first year with us as her family, with a theme more on her adoption rather than a birthday celebration. It could be both, but one reason I don't like the birthday party idea so much is because the same people that would be attending were so generous in a baby shower and I hate to look like I am soliciting more gifts.

Is an adoption-themed celebration a good idea? I don't want to do something that may later make her feel different in a bad way.
Has anyone had experience with an event anything like I described for an adopted child?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[fisbaby]

I haven't had this experience yet b/c my DS isn't a year yet and maybe our situation is different than yours. We brought our DS home from the hospital so the time frame would be the same. That being said though, I don't think I would want to do an adoption - themed celebration for his birthday. I think that a kid is going to want to celebrate his birthday every year just like the other kids so why not start now? You could have an adoption themed celebrate with finalization maybe, if you haven't done that yet. You could just go out to dinner or something, not do the presents!

Good luck in deciding!

[Stormster]

Fis I have to strongly disagree with you. I AM THE LUCKIEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD.

Ok now that that is clear. I agree with Fis.

[Leigh131313]

I guess I'm wondering why you'd want to do something adoption related...??

In our family - and every family is different - we do not focus on the fact that M was adopted. He knows he is adopted (as much as a 4 year old can comprehend) he know's his birthmom and her family.....but we don't focus on it - not since his finalization.

I think you really need to ask yourself why you are wanting this.

It seems interesting to me that your family is wanting to celebrate the child turning one......yet you would prefer to just focus on the fact that your child was adopted.



If it's because you wish to honor your child's birthfamily - how about doing that in the morning with just your immediate family (you, dh and dd).



If they were worried about it being a gift-grab - they wouldn't be offerring to do it!!

[Lilly's Mommy]

I agree. I think that birthday celebrations are just as important for adopted children. Especially since this is a first birthday, people want to celebrate and see baby smash some cake! This is a milestone, as every birthday will be. Even if it doesn't mark your child's arrival into your family, it marks his/her arrival into the world. I'd celebrate homecoming day later with just immediate family, or celebrate at finalization. Just my opinion.

[jalapeno]

I would consider whether you think you'll have other children. We just adopted our son in March and had an adoption party. His birthday and baptism are this weekend and we are actually having celebrations for each. It does seem a little weird to have so many gift giving occasions close together (although I leave it up to guests whether they'll give gifts or not). But it would also seem wrong to me to do combine any of the celebrations. My daughter had separate celebrations for her adoption, birthday, and baptism. My mother offered to host both adoption parties. My mother-in-law does the baptism celebrations. And we do the first birthday parties at our house. So there's some variety for the guests who attend everything. Everybody gets the opportunity to host something if they want.

[MamaS]

I vote for birthday. His adoption is over. It was a one-time event. Now he is your son. Having a birthday is an annual event. That is what I would focus on.

[nikkianni]

I agree with everyone else. This is his birthday, his very first one. He is adopted, yes. That will never change, and it's great that you want to acknowledge it.
But a birthday is a separate thing from the adoption. When DD's adoption was final, we all went out to dinner. But when her birthday came around, I went out and bought everything Tinkerbell I could find, blew up balloons, hung streamers, made a castle cake and had a birthday party.
If it's the presents you're feeling guilty about, let everyone know that presents are optional, their gift can be their presence at your child's first birthday celebration.

[fisbaby]

Very funny Stormster!

[minibus]

I agree with the PPs that a birthday celebration would be more appropriate. If you're worried about gifts, just say on the invite (or via word of mouth) "No gifts, please."

[Fran27]

I agree also... as much as I think that adoption is great, I wouldn't want to remind my kids all the time that they are different from other kids. They're not... they just joined our family by other means.

[Asha0314]

Thanks for the feedback--maybe I'll just go with a birthday party and specify no gifts.

[hrisme]

Originally Posted by Asha0314

Thanks for the feedback--maybe I'll just go with a birthday party and specify no gifts.

I think I agree with the others, you don't want to overly focus on the fact that the child is adopted. While I think"adoption day" celebrations are great, I think I would lean towards making that a private family celebration.

From a different stand point, I am an adoptee, and for the last several years I have asked that we celebrate my adoption day instead of my birthday. For me, the day that I was born marks a time of loss, and I have a hard time celebrating that. So, instead, I celebrate the day where I gained a loving family.

[mama_again]

We just had an awesome 1st birthday party, small, quaint, some birthfamily members, friends, and our family as well. We wanted to invite more, but kept it small and intimate, it was WONDERFUL, our lil one did great, not overwhelming either... we were truly blessed! We did the whole thing, invites, signs, balloons, and it was great, pictures, videos for all too see the 1st year playing along with some great eats!!! we had a great time, and all families truly enjoyed it... Was a peaceful wonderful 1st birthday, 1st of many too come... (we did a time frame of 2 hours but went well beyond that)
also, on the invititations, you can write something like, No presents, but your presence is welcome...??? Happy 1st...
PS: It is a blessing that others want to bless you and your lil one...

[Wisdom]

I vote for a normal birthday party without an adoption theme. I recall reading somewhere from an adult adoptee that she did not like being reminded all the time that she was adopted, even though she was fine with it.